Trolling the Toad
by Akela Victoire
Summary: If his life at Hogwarts was going to be a living hell, then so was hers. She wouldn't know what hit her.
1. Chapter 1

_Basically in this story, Harry's going to be a bit of an ass while he's trying to enjoy himself at Hogwarts for once. I may mess around with certain plot points in this story, but the basic overall plot of OotP will remain the same._

* * *

Harry had been in a foul mood all day long.

Umbridge had given him yet another detention tonight, so it spoiled his entire outlook for the rest of the day.

At dinner, he ate his food with such anger, one would think that he was trying to kill it all over again.

Even Ron and Hermione seated on either side of him, looked at him apprehensively as he ate.

Those watching, who may have been unsure of his insanity, were utterly convinced at the sight.

"Somebody needs to do something about that toad. They really do..." he muttered as he attempted to mash his mashed potatoes again, pretending that it was Umbridge's face he was mashing and the gravy was her blood.

Somewhere inside of him, he felt rather disturbed at this line of thought, but it was immediately squashed when he happened to glance up and see Umbridge sitting in her seat at the staff table, looking as if she owned the place as she ate her own dinner.

Which, with the Ministry's backing and all those ridiculous decrees she'd passed as 'High Inquisitor', she might as well have indeed owned Hogwarts...

To say the whole thing was rather unfortunate would be an understatement.

 _"Harry, you need to calm down. People are staring."_ Hermione whispered.

 _"So?"_ Harry whispered back. _"Don't you think I'm used to people staring at me by now?"_

 _"Point taken,"_ Hermione acknowledged. _but there's no need to attack your food like that and look as if you want to murder everyone around you if they so much as breathe too loudly..."_

Harry sighed.

"I know. I just can't help but feel upset about it..."

He tried to finish up the rest of his food calmly.

When the desserts came up, he simply ate one treacle tart and a few biscuits before he was up.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an _absolutely delightful_ social call to make this evening. I need to be ready."

He got up and was out of the hall before Ron and Hermione could say anything else to him.

* * *

He sat in his room alone, brooding until a few minutes before when he would have to leave.

A few detentions ago, he had decided that he wasn't going to take it lying down anymore.

He was going to give as good as he got.

It was when Ron and Hermione came up to check on him, that he finally told another soul what he was planning on doing.

Or at least, parts of it.

He couldn't give away all the details just yet...

His explanation drew exclamations of horror (Hermione) and one of excitement (Ron).

"I'm going to do it!" Harry insisted as he fetched his book bag to head to detention with Umbridge that evening. "I'm going to mess with Umbridge so bad, she won't know what hit her..."

"Don't do it, Harry!" Hermione begged. "She's already upset enough at you as it is! And have you forgotten that she works with the Ministry who would probably love an excuse to drop you into Azkaban right now, _underage laws be damned?_ "

"I don't care. She's already taken everything that could have made Hogwarts fun for me away. What else do I have to lose?" Harry shrugged as he pocketed two vials of potions- both of them a light green in colour.

"Not saying she doesn't deserve someone driving her barmy, but it's kinda risky right now for you, innit? Why not let Fred and George handle it? They've been doing a bang-up job of it so far..." Ron suggested. "As for what you could lose... How... _about..._ your place as a student at Hogwarts? Your freedom? _Your life?_ "

"She won't kill me." Harry tried reassuring them, but obviously, it didn't work. "She'll _want_ to by the end of it, but..." Harry chuckled a chuckle that would probably creep even Snape out. "...she's not going to kill me _at all..._ "

Ron and Hermione looked at one another, clearly worried for Harry's mental health.

"I'm just going to rattle her a bit tonight and see where that goes from here. I'm not _nearly_ stupid enough to start off with anything big. It'll give me something to think about other than the fact that Voldemort is waiting out there to kill us all- though that fact _obviously_ remains rather important..." Harry said as he got up and left the dorm.

His friends stared behind him for a few seconds, before dashing out to follow him.

"Sirius will be proud of this one once he hears about it. That toad thinks I can be cowed? She's got another thing coming..." Harry climbed out the portrait hole, leaving his friends behind.

"Should we... do something?" Ron asked.

"Leave it, Ron." Hermione put a hand on the red-head's shoulder. "Now, we can only support him when the results of what he's about to do really hit him..."

* * *

Harry strolled down the corridor towards his detention with Professor Umbridge whistling happily and with a pep in his step.

He was going to turn the tables on her whether she liked it or not. Make _her_ feel like she was the one in detention.

Harry retrieved one of the vials of potion from his pockets and downed it in one gulp.

On his last Hogsmeade visit, he had managed to get Dobby to obtain a good stock of these potions for his usage in the future, and if need be, he'd pass some out to certain members of Dumbledore's Army as well.

It was a Numbing Potion so he wouldn't feel the effects of that horrid Blood Quill.

He considered the idea of needing more potions in the future.

He was sure that Umbridge would try to get information out of him soon, in any way he could, so he wanted to be prepared for _anything._

Including spiking any beverage offered to him with Veritaserum.

Did she _really_ want to try slipping some of that stuff into his tea?

 _"She'll get some answers, all right. Just not the ones she wanted if she tries it on me..."_ Harry chuckled to himself. _"I really should see if I can get some of the antidote to that as well..."_

His mood began to sink as he found himself closer and closer to his doom.

When he arrived outside the door he took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a few seconds and then knocked.

"Ah, Mr Potter. You're finally here for your latest detention..."

Harry fought down the urge to be sick when he opened his eyes and looked right into the pink toad's face and heard her sickly sweet voice as he stepped into what he had dubbed "The Pink Explosion Room".

What a sight to open your eyes to...

"I am indeed, Professor Umbridge." Harry summoned up as much sweetness and sugar as he could within himself (which, if he was entirely honest with himself, was in quite a short supply these days) and gave her the most winning smile he could.

He could see that he was throwing off Umbridge already.

 _Excellent._

A flash of a memory flickered through his mind, of carefully groomed hair, blue eyes and a grin, all combining to form the face of a certain former Defence Against the Dark Arts professor...

He shuddered at the thought.

Though, Harry wondered... would _he_ have been a better teacher than the old toad seated in front of him?

 _No._

That wasn't to say that Umbridge would indeed be the better teacher, however.

They were both terrible teachers.

Just terrible in different ways, is all.

"Have a seat then, Potter." she gestured to the desk and chair she had prepared, just for him.

He sat, making sure to look her straight in the eyes entire time as he made his way to the seat.

He didn't blink once.

"Well then... get to it. You know what you must do..." Umbridge smiled at him.

He _really_ wished he could smack that bloody smile off her face...

He took the quill in hand as he smirked and got to work.

If he was going to get another scar because of something he didn't want to do, he was damn well going to make the best of it and make sure that it would be a scar he actually liked this time...

* * *

When Harry started whistling happily as he did his 'lines', Umbridge looked up at him, immediately suspicious.

When she got up and walked over to check on what he was doing, she stopped in her tracks as she took in what Harry was doing- and it certainly wasn't the lines she had set for him to do.

Instead of writing, _'I must not tell lies.'_ , he had instead started drawing little pictures of lions and stars all over the paper, which was starting to override the marks left on his hand by previous detentions.

 _"Potter!"_ she screeched. _"What are you doing?!"_

"Drawing." Harry said simply. "I find it a pity that Hogwarts doesn't have art classes, you see. Perhaps I should join the Art Club or something like it. I think my picture looks lovely, don't you?"

Upon looking closer, Umbridge realised that the drawings of lions and stars were simply repeated drawings of a lion breathing stars out of its mouth as a dragon would with fire.

She sputtered.

"Th... th... that _is not what you are supposed to be doing!_ Where are your lines?" she asked angrily.

"I didn't feel like doing them." Harry shrugged, the motion of which caused a few droplets of blood from his hand to get on Umbridge's cardigan. "I'm sure you've heard by now that I tend to get bored rather easily and if you listen to Professor Bat... oops, I meant, Professor _Snape,_ I apparently have no respect for authority figures or rules whatsoever and that includes you _and_ your 'Educational Decrees'. They're not very educational at all though since they hinder rather than help anything at all..."

Umbridge huffed. "How... _how dare you!_ "

"How dare _I?_ I dare quite easily, actually. _No one_ except your fan club, excuse me- _Inquisitorial Squad_ \- actually accepts your rules and I don't think even they're such big fans of them as it affects them too, even if you turn a blind eye to their own infractions." Harry pointed out.

"I should have you punished for your insolence!" Umbridge attempted to draw herself up and appear taller, but even with him sitting and her standing he was still taller than she was.

"Go right ahead. What else can you do to me? Give me another detention? Given that we've both proven here that your Blood Quill... _aren't those illegal for use on minors anyway? ..._ doesn't work anymore."

"It _does_ work!" Umbridge pointedly ignored Harry's suggestion about the quill.

Harry noted how easy it apparently was to get under her skin.

He really had hoped that it would have been a bit more of challenge but alas.

At least, there was still plenty more fun to be had...

"Not on me it doesn't. At least not anymore." Harry gave her the most saccharine smile he could manage.

Umbridge actually let out a bit of a snarl before turning away to take a deep breath and trying to calm herself down.

"It was merely a fluke." she spoke calmly.

"I don't think so." Harry shrugged. "They normally work quite well on me, leaving my hand a bloodied, mangled mess. Mind you, it still is..." he waved the hand in question dismissively causing even more of his blood to get on Umbridge, who shuddered in disgust.

Harry liked to think that it was more of the fact that it was blood that came from someone like him rather than the fact that it was blood generally.

That thought was actually rather disturbing...

"I see that you're a particularly... _strong-willed_ one, aren't you?" Umbridge still appeared mostly calm, though Harry could easily pick up on her annoyance.

"One has to be when you're in my position. After all, with _Voldemort_ being back it wouldn't do to be a nervous wreck, would it?" Harry shrugged.

 _"He is not back!"_ Umbridge snapped.

"Fine then. Keep on believing that. See what happens when you open up your door one day and see _Voldemort's-_ " Harry enjoyed the little flinch she gave every time he spoke the name. "-snakelike visage greeting you and it's the last thing you see."

 _"Get out."_ Umbridge pointed at the door, apparently having enough of him for one evening.

"Gladly. See you tomorrow evening, Professor!" Harry waved cheerfully as he stepped out of the office.

Once outside and some distance away from Umbridge's lair, Harry cackled to himself, drawing several stares from the portraits lining the walls along his route.

He was only just getting started.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry strode up to the Fat Lady and gave her the password, ignoring the looks she was giving him.

He wondered if Hermione and Ron had bothered waiting up for him...

"We waited up for you to see if you would come back alive!" Hermione exclaimed as she ran towards him and gave him the tightest hug she could manage as soon as he stepped through the portrait hole.

Well, there was his question answered...

"Well, I'm back and I'm obviously alive, so there's no more need for that, Hermione." Harry attempted to reassure her, patting her on the back with his uninjured hand. "I won't be alive for much longer if you don't let me breathe properly though..."

Hermione relinquished her hold on him promptly, muttering her apologies, which Harry waved off.

"So... how did it go? What exactly did you do to the old toad?" Ron asked.

Harry lazily draped himself across the nearest armchair before answering.

"I just messed around with her a bit. Nothing too much this time around. I figured I'd just ease into it a bit at first. Save the more... outlandish things for later on down the road." Harry shrugged. "That's more Fred's and George's area of specialty though, so I may just have to consult them on that..."

Ron and Hermione shared a look of complete and utter horror.

Fetching a bowl of Murtlap Essence, Hermione walked over to Harry and began tending to his bloodied hand.

"How's your hand? Is it hurting as much as it did the last few times?"she queried, in an attempt to drive the thought of Harry teaming up with the Weasley twins as far out of her mind as she possibly could.

"It doesn't hurt at all, because unlike last time, I managed to obtain a potion to nullify the pain. It doesn't actually heal it though, so this lovely concoction fixes things up quite nicely." Harry chuckled.

Hermione looked closer at his hand. "What is that... _did you doodle on your hand with your own blood?!_ " she asked incredulously when she noticed the new design there.

Ron rushed over to look.

"Bloody hell," his eyes widened in shock. "he _did_ do that, the crazy bastard..."

Hermione stared at Harry, officially believing that her best friend had lost his sanity.

"Do you _enjoy_ pain?" she asked him. "Because if you do, perhaps you should channel it into something that I hear is fun- like sadomasochism and the like..."

Harry looked at her incredulously. "How do _you_ of all people know what sadomasochism is?"

Hermione sniffed. "I read."

"Of course. What were you doing reading books like that anyway?" Harry rolled his eyes at the same time Ron asked what sadomasochism was and Hermione pointedly ignored him.

Ignoring Ron, Harry addressed the first part of her earlier statement.

"I don't enjoy pain. I just have a rather high pain tolerance. I wouldn't have fared very well against Voldemort-" he pointedly ignored his friends' shudders. "-if I didn't now would I? Besides, like I said, I took a potion before I went to the toad's torture session that nullifies the pain..."

"What potion was it Harry? How did you get it?" Hermione gently lifted Harry's hand from the bowl and wiped off the excess liquid with a clean white washcloth that she had conjured.

"I just asked Dobby if he knew anything that could help and he did..." Harry shrugged.

"Harry, mate. This is the same house elf that tried to save your life by killing you back in our second year. Are you sure that you can trust something you get from him?" Ron asked.

Harry sighed, as if he was greatly set upon.

"I am fine, you two. Now if you don't mind, I'm off to bed. I don't know about you two, but I need sleep. Especially as _she_ isn't going to just let this go tomorrow. I need to be sharp and ready for whatever she throws at me..."

He got up and went up to his dorm, kicked of his shoes and tossed aside his robes before falling into bed just as he was and going to sleep eventually having a dream about Voldemort murdering Umbridge.

* * *

Harry strode into the Great Hall early the following morning, looking much happier than people had seen him in weeks.

Humming a Muggle song that he had heard on Dudley's loudly blasting radio over the summer, he plopped himself down next to George and promptly helped himself to some crispy bacon and some toast.

George eyed him suspiciously.

"What's up with you? Why are you so happy?" he raised an eyebrow at Harry's strange behaviour.

"I suppose you'll find out one day." Harry spoke calmly, as he made a sandwich from the toast and bacon before taking a rather large bite out of it.

"We know a mischief maker when we see one, Harry. Especially as we consider ourselves to be the local experts on mischief and mayhem." Fred, on George's other side spoke up.

Harry merely smiled mysteriously as he continued on with his meal.

Hermione and Ron appeared soon afterwards, Hermione sitting right next to him and Ron on her other side.

"Feeling alright this morning, Harry?" Hermione asked as she poured herself some orange juice.

"Never better. Why?" he spoke between mouthfuls.

"Don't speak with your mouth full. It just makes you look like... _Ron..._ " Hermione gave the other boy a dirty glare as he tried to stuff at least five different breakfast foods into his mouth at once.

"And looking like Ron is never a good thing." Fred agreed nodding solemnly.

"Hey!" Ron objected, a bit of egg flying out of his mouth and back onto his plate.

Hermione moved just a few inches away from him in disgust.

"Back to the original topic..." she spared Ron another dirty look before returning her attention to Harry. "Are you okay, Harry?"

 _"Hermione,"_ Harry paused to properly chew and swallow the last bit of his toasted bacon sandwich. " _I am fine._ I got through the detention she gave me yesterday and I will get through this one as well."

George eyed Professor Umbridge, who had just joined the few teachers already in the hall and sat next to Professor McGonagall who promptly looked as if she had swallowed a lemon whole.

"I don't know why you'd want to keep doing that to yourself, but it's your funeral." Hermione shrugged returning to her food.

"Voldemort's bad enough. I don't want her messing up my life too." Harry said. "Ideally, the two of them would meet up and destroy each other, but my luck isn't _that_ great..."

 _"I see."_ George nodded. "Well, if you have any plans regarding her, be sure to let us know. We have a few products that could do with a bit of testing before we release them to our customers."

Hermione looked as if she didn't know whether or not to approve.

Harry looked around.

Now that it was a bit later, more students were finally coming down for breakfast, since it was a weekend and they didn't need to be ready for classes.

Despite his newfound goal in life (besides offing Voldemort), he was still smart enough to know he shouldn't speak of his plans so openly.

"I'll keep the offer in mind, George." Harry nodded.

Focusing on finishing his breakfast and ignoring the looks that he _still_ got (did they not have something better to do on this fine Saturday morning?), he thought of his plans for the rest of the day and how he would annoy Umbridge in detention later that day.

 _Hmm..._

She _was_ rather fond of using that textbook that even Hermione of all people found boring...

 _Defensive Magical Theory,_ was it?

Perhaps he should prove _precisely_ how much he could learn from it...


	3. Chapter 3

_Have a chapter to celebrate my birthday tomorrow!_ :)

* * *

Harry sat up in his bed, carefully reading a passage of the book that he'd set on his lap.

Defensive Magical Theory was indeed a boring textbook compared to the others he'd had over his years at Hogwarts.

However, it _did_ carry some good points.

Points that _could_ be useful in the future, should he find a way to apply them to practical experience.

He chuckled to himself, finding it ironic that Umbridge had picked a text that she thought wouldn't help them learn any practical magic, yet if one read it carefully enough, you might be able to learn a thing or two to translate into the practical side of the subject.

Just a thing or two was pretty literal in this case.

The book was probably, in his opinion, ninety-nine percent useless.

Hermione, being Gryffindor's resident genius, had read the book cover to cover several times and could probably write several feet of parchment's worth of pros and cons of the book.

Mostly cons.

"Maybe I should ask Hermione what she thinks of the book. It's always refreshing to have a different perspective on things. At least, so they say..."

Harry sighed, closing the book and putting it aside.

Checking his watch, he sighed again.

"I'd better get going if I want to have time for a chat with Hermione before that ruddy detention with Umbitch. Hermione said that she would be in the library today, so I should probably just head straight there..."

Swinging his legs out of the bed, he neatened his robes, stuffed the book into his nearby rucksack and left the dorm.

* * *

"Wait... you actually _want_ to have a discussion..." Hermione looked at him incredulously as they sat together at a desk in a far corner of the library.

"Yes." Harry said.

"...about a textbook..."

"Correct." Harry nodded.

"...that even _I_ find lacking?!"

"That sounds about right." Harry agreed.

 _"Why?"_ Hermione's air of incredulity immediately turned to suspicion.

"I just want to get ahead on my education." Harry spoke with an expression that might have fooled Ron, but Hermione wasn't fooled in the slightest.

"And it's _such a coincidence_ that this is the same textbook for the same class that a certain professor who rivals even Snape in your level of hatred for them teaches." Hermione was having none of it. _"What are you up to this time, Harry?"_

"I simply wish to have a bit of a friendly academic debate with the _lovely_ professor during our meeting later. That's all." Harry shrugged, indifferent to Hermione's rising levels of concern for the state of his mental health.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "If our escaping the perilous situations that you've gotten Ron and I- _and occasionally others-_ into in the past few years depended on your ability to lie, we would all be long dead by now."

Harry stared her down.

Hermione stared back at him.

"I don't know what you're planning for _her_ this time," she admitted. "or how you could possibly cause trouble for her by studying the book that she set, but I'll humour you this time."

"Great!" Harry said cheerfully. "I knew you'd come through on this!"

Hermione resisted the urge to face-palm. "Oh shut up and let's just get on with this before you have to leave..."

* * *

"Right on time, Potter," Umbridge spoke in her sickly sweet voice. "I was concerned that you might have earned yourself another detention..."

"I don't know why you'd want to give me another one," Harry's tone was completely flat. "as I can think of quite a few things that I would rather be doing than being stuck in your presence once again and I'm sure you can think of something else you'd prefer to do as well..."

He slid into his customary chair and awaited Umbridge's instructions.

However as he did so, he brought out his copy of Defensive Magical Theory and began to read.

"Potter," when Harry glanced up from the book, it was to see Umbridge looking at him with an eyebrow raised. "what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Harry asked. "I'm reading a book. I figured that you'd know that what with you being a professor and all..."

"Don't sass me, Potter. You need to learn respect for your elders!" Umbridge scolded him.

Harry looked at her with the air of someone who thought that she was a complete idiot.

"You've certainly got the elder part down right, but the respect part? Old or not, you haven't earned it from me and you never will." Harry leaned back in his chair slightly as he returned his attention to the book.

Umbridge seethed.

Harry looked at her with one eye over the book, to see her taking deep breaths in an effort to calm herself down.

He smirked to himself, his expression half-hidden by the odious textbook.

 _"If it's so easy to rattle her with the small stuff, then how will she take it when I pull out the bigger wands, so to speak?"_ he thought.

"Well then, if you really are so interested in that book, then why don't you prove your knowledge of it?" Umbridge asked sweetly.

Harry shrugged. "As long as I don't have to write a test in my own blood like some sort of academic masochist, then sure, why not?"

Umbridge looked as if she was greatly tempted to do so.

"I'm fairly sure that torturing children by forcing them to repeatedly cut their own hand open and writing with aforementioned blood is against some sort of law..." Harry said his eyes still not leaving the book- which was _much_ more pleasant than the alternative of looking at Umbridge's face.

"Laws can be changed," Umbridge reminded him.

"So the British Ministry of Magic is going to change the laws so that torturing children is _legal?_ " Harry gasped overdramatically. "My, my! What would the International Wizarding Council think of that? They'll think that Britain is getting even _more_ backwards than it already is! I can only _imagine_ what the French and American wizards would have to say..."

Harry was rather proud of his theatrical performance.

"They would be absolutely horrified that Britain is going back to the fifth century, while they move ahead! Damn, we'd be the laughingstock of the world- after they put lot of restrictions on us in order to get us to comply with international standards on magical child protection laws which are another matter in and of themselves. I could write an entire book on that myself-"

"Shut up, Potter. Get your quill, ink-"

"Not ink made of blood or other bodily fluids, _right?_ " Harry asked pointedly.

"and parchment out of your bag." Umbridge ignored him. You have half an hour to write two feet on the contents of Chapter Three: _The Case of Non-Offensive Responses to Magical Attack._ "

"Right away Madam Umbridge, Sir!" Harry exclaimed! "I meant, _Ma'am..._ "

He rummaged around in his bag for the required supplies, taking his own sweet time to do so.

Laying them out neatly onto the desk, he began to write.

 _"He makes an argument in this chapter that when under attack, one does not have to go on the offensive to defend yourself. Using solely defensive techniques..."_ Harry thought, chewing the top of his quill idly and he wrote.

 _"The Shield Charm, for instance..."_ Harry started speaking aloud as he wrote. _"...can be used..."_ the sound of Harry's quill scratching the parchment as he wrote filled the room, along with the sound of his voice as he sounded out his thoughts. "... _in a way..."_

Umbridge finally looked up at him from the cup of tea and plate of biscuits she was having.

 _"...that is both offensive and defensive..."_

 _"However, that would not work... against certain spells..."_

She put down the biscuit she was eating.

 _"...for... example..."_ Harry paused to chew the top of his quill some more. _"...the Killing Curse..."_

 _"Instead, you could place a thick, solid object between yourself and the Killing Curse, although even that is no guarantee. The best way to do that... is.. of course..."_

Umbridge put down the teacup as well.

Imagine her.

Having the nerve to be sitting there and relaxing while he was forced to write complete and utter rubbish and pass it off as treasure...

He sniffed the air slightly.

And were those _chocolate biscuits_ she was eating?

He spotted some boxes of them on a shelf behind her desk.

They _were_ chocolate biscuits- and his favourite brand of them too! How _dare_ she!

 _"...get out of the situation as fast as you can..."_

A few minutes later, Umbridge announced his time was up.

Harry checked his watch.

She was a whole _two minutes_ early!

 _Why that awful b-_

Harry watched Umbridge's various facial expressions play out as she read through his essay, which in Harry's opinion was written quite well if one considered the factors under which he was being forced to write it...

Scepticism... surprise... _anger..._

 _There it is._

"Potter, what is this rubbish?" she asked him.

 _"Your biography?"_ Harry asked, his face completely straight.

Umbridge gave him a look that could have rivalled one that the Basilisk would have given him during the climax of the Chamber of Secrets fiasco.

"No, Potter." she spoke with great effort, as if it took all her willpower not to take out her wand and hit him with a _Crucio._

"Oh. It's the essay that you asked for. I wrote about precisely what you asked for, didn't I?" Harry asked.

 _"These techniques would be mostly useless against someone whose current greatest ambition is to kill you. Although it is theorised amongst some circles that on October 31st, 1981, Lily Potter managed to cast some sort of shield over her son Harry which, while it failed to protect her death, did indeed manage to prevent his... no one has been able to reproduce such a potential shield."_ Umbridge read, her voice seemingly raising in octaves as she did.

"That is the truth, as much as you don't want to believe it." Harry shrugged.

He glanced up at the (cat-shaped) clock on the wall.

"Well, would you look at that? It's time for me to be going. Wouldn't want me to be out of bounds and breaking the rules tonight or any other night- now would you?"

Harry stood up, and as he ignored Umbridge's stuttering, he snatched an unopened box of chocolate biscuits off the shelf and stuffed them into his bag before he left.

* * *

As Harry told Ron and Hermione what he had done this time, the three of them snorted with laughter that filled the otherwise empty Gryffindor Common Room.

Hermione had checked the box of biscuits with several spells, and once finding them safe to consume, was the first to open it and take one.

"I swear, she's going to want to do you in pretty soon if you keep that up..." Ron spoke between mouthfuls of biscuits.

"That's just the beginning, Ron." Harry chuckled, before taking another biscuit. "I was just testing the waters, finding out the little things that annoy her. Now that I've got a bit of a baseline for how she really is, now I can truly plan effectively to make her life here a miserable one. I haven't even really gotten started yet."

"I can't believe you had the audacity to just dismiss yourself from her detention like that!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Like how you dismissed yourself from Divination back in our third year?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That was different- and you bloody well know it!"

It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes. "Whatever you say, Hermione. Whatever you say..."


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, you lot. That's it for today." Harry leaned a desk at the front of the room as he watched the members of Dumbeldore's Army wind down their practice duels for that evening.

"Wait..." Angelina checked her watch. "You're a bit early today. Any particular reason?"

"No, no reaso..." Harry trailed off as something occurred to him.

"Actually yes. Now that you mentioned it, I just want to have a _little_ chat with you all as it concerns our _favourite_ Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher..."

Instantly, the jubilant mood in the room- the result of many of them finally casting some spells successfully- soured.

"Do we _really_ have to talk about Umbitch?" Colin nearly whined. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I can think of a lot of things I'd rather talk about. Things that are much more pleasant. Photography. _There's_ a nice topic. Quidditch. Food. _That_ creature? _No bloody way!_ "

Everyone in the room made various noises of agreement.

"Fine then." Harry shrugged. "Just the people who've had detentions with Umbridge."

Many people in the room scowled.

"The rest of you can leave." Harry motioned to the door.

 _"Why?"_ Susan asked, suspicious. _"What are you up to?"_

"Nothing in particular," Harry said with an air of innocence that didn't fool her- or Hermione, who was standing next to her. "just want to discuss a few things that may mutually benefit us and entertain you..."

Zacharias raised an eyebrow and was about to open his mouth, when Justin put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it firmly, drawing a wince from the other boy, but no doubt cutting off some form of obnoxious comment.

"Harry," Hermione started once the others started to leave. "please don't tell me you're doing yet another pea-brained scheme to get back at Umbridge."

"Fine. I won't tell you that it's a pea-brained scheme because it's not." Harry folded his arms and stared her down petulantly.

"Leave him be, Hermione. Harry's insane. We know this." Ron spoke up, having just walked over to the pair.

"With all the things he's been through in his relatively short lifespan, I'm not surprised..." Ginny said as she walked past with Luna.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the support. _Now get out._ " he pointed at the door.

Hermione looked as if she dearly wanted to scold him for what she had already branded an 'insane' scheme, but seemingly decided better of it and instead stomped away, indignant.

Ron, for his part, merely shrugged as if to say: _"It's Hermione. What can we do?"_ and quickly followed her.

After a few minutes, the people left in the room were Fred, George, Lee, Alicia, Colin, Anthony, Cho and a few others that he did not recognise.

"Alright. Some of you I can understand why you're here," At this, Harry glanced at Fred, George and Lee, who all looked back at him, completely unashamed. "but others..." he glanced over the rest. "That's not important now though. I've got to let you go with enough time to get back to the dorms. So... what are your detentions like with her?"

Everyone else in the room glanced nervously at one another, before Colin finally decided to speak up.

"I don't know what anyone else is doing in her detentions, but those things are literal torture for me. She makes me write lines with this quill that _slices open my hand and uses my own blood for ink!_ " Colin hissed, angrier than Harry or anybody else had ever seen him.

"Blood Quills," Anthony nodded morosely. "they're only supposed to be used in signing documents from either the Ministry or Gringotts by _people of age._ "

"Yet, she has us here using them for her own sick, torturing purposes." Lee seethed. " _Why?_ Why the bloody hell-"

 _"Literally..."_ he heard Alicia mutter.

"-are we _letting_ that foul woman do this to us?!" the dreadlocked wizard continued.

The room filled with angry mutterings before Harry's next statement caused them all to instantly go silent.

"We don't have to let her do this to us. We can stop her, all while having a little fun." Harry started to smirk.

 _"Oh?"_ George's interest in the matter immediately shot up. "What do you propose we do?"

"That _we_ haven't done already?" Fred added, gesturing to himself, his brother and Lee.

"And what about those of us who aren't in the DA, Harry?" Cho quizzed him, making Harry fight to control his inner butterflies while keeping a straight face. "We can't exactly let them suffer her tyranny too..."

"Whatever it is, I want in." Colin declared, a hardened look in his eyes. "She's been dropping hints in my last few detentions that she might look out for Dennis doing something and make him do detentions with her too. You'd better help us stop this, Harry or so Merlin help me, I'll learn the Killing Curse and _use it on her myself._ " He growled the last part.

Harry (and the others) looked at Colin in a brand new light after that evening, not knowing that he was capable of being so vicious.

"Don't just use the Killing Curse right off the bat," Harry advised him. "Too easy. Not even _Voldemort,_ " he ignored the usual shudders that speaking the name caused in those around him. "does that most of the time. That curse doesn't cause any pain. It just instantly shuts you down."

"Noted." Colin nodded.

A few people standing nearer to the budding photographer moved away from him fearfully, likely terrified that he'd be Harry's deputy if he decided that he wanted to go into the Dark Lord business.

Well, that was always an option if he was expelled from Hogwarts and his backup plans failed...

 _"Anyway,"_ Harry brought them back to the main topic. "Umbridge. Blood Quills. Stopping her. First of all... how many of you have ever fancied getting a tattoo?"

"Tattoos are usually done by skilled tattoo artists in both the Muggle and Wizarding worlds." Anthony pointed out.

"Umbridge is neither skilled, _nor_ an artist in _any_ sense." a Hufflepuff girl added.

"I'm sure that all of you are much more skilled artists than she is." Harry spoke slyly.

Many people in the room seemed to understand what he was saying, judging by the dawning looks of comprehension on his faces.

"I used to just think that you were crazy," Alicia said. "Now I _know_ that you're crazy."

 _"I've always wanted a tattoo,"_ one Hufflepuff boy mused. "just not one on my hand caused by carving my own flesh out..."

"That's still painful stuff, Potter. How do you propose that we counteract that unfortunate side effect?" Anthony queried.

"Well," Harry started as a crate appeared on the desk next to him and he opened it up. "with these things for starters."

He motioned for them to come look inside the crate.

Inside, there were several vials of Numbing Potion.

 _"Numbing Potion?"_ Cho looked at him, surprised. "You... you want us to-"

"Well, you don't _have_ to, but one of these things and you won't feel a bloody-"

Harry paused to chuckle while the others in the room groaned at his lame pun.

"-thing that she's making you write. If the pain can't affect you, the sadistic bitch will give it up."

"Hey... I can give myself a cool scar without the pain!" George exclaimed.

"Scar, tattoo... whatever you prefer to call it." Harry shrugged. "Take one of these and you can just not give a shit about her and do whatever you like with that Blood Quill. Come on, help yourselves. There's enough in there for you to take half a dozen vials each."

Fred reached in and grabbed all of his at once. "Where'd you get this much?"

"I have my ways..." Harry smiled mysteriously.

"Why does this feel like we're all participating in a drug deal?" Anthony asked.

"Probably because we are. Harry's the drug dealer and we're all his customers." Colin said as he pocketed his share.

"Nah. If I was a real drug dealer and you were my customers, you'd all be handing over the Galleons right now. _Nope._ I'm just helping out a few friends and associates." Harry said.

Once everyone had grabbed their share, Harry addressed them again. "That's all I've got for you. The rest of the vials that I've got stockpiled elsewhere are for me. I have a feeling that I'll need them before Umbridge gives up."

"What if we have a friend or family member that's not in the DA, but might need it?" the Hufflepuff girl who had spoken up earlier asked. "I have a cousin here- she's a Hufflepuff too, though I'd honestly have pegged her for a Gryffindor- but she's such a hothead and sometimes can't control her mouth... it's a wonder that she hasn't earned herself a detention with the toad yet..."

"Not a problem. You can share with her. Just don't tell her where you got them. Same goes for everyone else should the need arise." Harry nodded, before checking his watch.

"Alright. If you all leave now and don't stop along the way, you should make it back before curfew. Just remember: That's a _Numbing_ Potion, not a _Healing_ Potion. You'll have to find something else to heal the cuts themselves. I _personally_ recommend Murtlap Essence."

Harry waited until they'd all left before pulling the Marauder's Map out of his pocket and checking it.

Seeing that his path back to Gryffindor Tower was clear, he retrieved his Invisibility Cloak from where he had stashed it in the room and draped it over himself.

As he left the Room, another possible idea occurred to him as he realised the potential havoc he could cause with such an item in his possession.

A nearly deranged grin formed on his face at the thought.

* * *

Over the next few days, Harry noticed that Umbridge seemed to be crankier than she usually was, showing just the slightest of cracks in the veneer of her sickly sweet personality.

 _"Sweet in the way that diabetes is,"_ Harry chuckled to himself as he helped himself to copious amounts of roast beef and Yorkshire Pudding that evening.

As he practically drowned the food in gravy, Lee approached him.

"Had a meeting with her last night." the dreadlocked teen put a hand down on the table next to Harry's plate where he could clearly see Lee's newly gained, self-inflicted scar.

It was a crudely drawn picture of a fist brandishing a sword on fire.

 _"Nice,"_ Harry nodded approvingly.

Hermione, who sat across from him, gave him the most disapproving look she could muster.

Colin approached him as he left the Great Hall with his brother and as he waved at him, he gave him a knowing wink.

Harry spotted the mark of a few words written in cursive on Colin's hand.

Harry winked back.

Hermione rolled her eyes and got back to her dinner, though she continued to eat it with an annoyed expression.

* * *

Later on, as he headed to bed, he encountered Umbridge in a deserted corridor.

Having not noticed her approach, he was nearly startled out of his skin when he heard the quiet _"hem-hem"_ behind him.

"For the love of all that is good and holy woman, _don't do that!_ " Harry put a hand on his chest to quell his quickly beating heart. "Wizards might not get a lot of diseases that Muggles do, but we can still get heart attacks!"

 _"What did you do?"_ she asked him between clenched teeth.

"What do you mean, _what did I do?_ I did a lot of things this week. I went to classes, did homework, went to the library, studied, ate, drank, played Quidditch, took showers, got dressed, slept..." Harry counted them all off on his fingers.

 _"Be quiet, Potter!"_ Umbridge snapped.

 _"Bloody hell, woman!"_ Harry exclaimed. "You need some anger management classes! They do have those in the Wizarding world right?"

"You did something. I know you did!" she shrieked.

"What the bloody hell is it that you insist that I did?" Harry said, clearly exasperated. "As I said before, I've done a lot of things this week!"

"The detentions... whatever you did in my detentions... you told them how to do it too!" Umbridge exclaimed.

"Oh?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "You mean... merely tipping them off so they don't have to sit through a torture session, thinly veiled as a detention?"

"Brats like you deserve it," Umbridge hissed.

"Well, _excuse_ me for thinking that torture and child abuse are against the laws of Britain, both magical and Muggle." Harry checked his watch.

"Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to Gryffindor Tower and if I don't leave your wonderful presence right now, I may be out after curfew. We don't want that to happen, now _would we?_ " Harry grinned. "Who knows what I could get up to? Surely you must have heard of my father and his friends' reputation while they were here. Friends which, _by the way,_ include the notorious mass-murder Sirius Black. Perhaps some of his murdering qualities rubbed off on me during that fiasco at the end of my third year..."

With that, Harry left her behind, skipping slightly as he sang a song to himself, ignoring the looks he was getting as he got closer to Gryffindor Tower and encountered more students, as well as the Fat Lady, who complimented him sarcastically on his singing as he passed through the portrait hole.

* * *

 _ **Slowly, but surely, Harry's building up the pressure and now he's dragged others into it.**_

What are some of the most outrageous things you could picture this version of Harry doing? Let me _know in your reviews, folks!_


	5. Chapter 5

"Harry," Hermione began as soon as she Harry and Ron sequestered a corner of their Common Room for themselves and cast some privacy spells around it. "I know that she deserves to have someone driving her crazy. She deserves much more than that, actually. But are you sure that you really want to spend so much time and effort on this- with increasingly risky ideas?"

"What could be riskier than the D.A., Hermione?" Harry pointed out.

"True," Hermione acknowledged. "but annoying Umbridge like this isn't going to help. If I was going to annoy her like that, I'd do it in a way that she could never pin anything on me."

"Sneaky. I like it." Ron nodded in approval.

"What's the fun in it if she doesn't know exactly who's giving her grief?" Harry asked.

"I'm just concerned about your welfare, is all. You _very well know_ that she would do anything to find even the slightest reason to expel you and then what would become of you?" Hermione retorted.

"Trust me, I have a backup plan for that if it happens." Harry assured her. "Incidentally, you do know French, right?"

"Yes, I do. My parents travel to France all the time and they made sure that I could speak i-" Hermione cut herself off when she realised something. "Wait. _You'd go to Beauxbatons?_ "

"Ilvermorny's not off the table either," Harry answered. "After you decoded Umbridge's speech at the welcome feast for us slower people, I began sounding them out. Acting Headmaster Vincent and Headmistress Monroe are both sympathetic towards me and said they'd help me out if I can get out of Britain. Beauxbatons seems more likely as the Delacours could help me there as well. However, there's the small issue of the whole language barrier thing..."

 _"Small issue, he says..."_ Ron snorted.

"I can help you with that, but I dearly hope you don't need it for what you're saying, Harry. Maybe after You-Know-Who's been defeated, you could take a nice long vacation on the French Riviera, or perhaps you could just go to Paris and enjoy the usual tourist attractions." Hermione suggested.

"Maybe Fleur can show you around sometime since you're still in contact with her family," Ron snorted.

"I think you're the one who would be more interested in a tour with her..." Harry snickered, remembering the fiasco that was Ron trying to ask her to the Yule Ball the year previous.

Hermione giggled.

"Oh, shut up." Ron muttered.

That only made Harry and Hermione laugh even harder.

* * *

A few days later saw Harry with his Defence textbook as well as a French dictionary that Hermione had lent him, seated in a corner of the Common Room.

Harry chuckled to himself as he wrote, consulting both the textbook and the dictionary as he did. "She did say to do the homework. However, she did not say _what language to do it in..._ "

 _"Il croyait..."_ Harry giggled like a demented madman as he wrote. _"les lois de la magie..."_

Hermione walked over to him just then, clutching a Charms textbook in one hand.

Sitting in the chair next to him, she glanced over at his work curiously.

"Are you practising your French?" she asked once she noticed the French dictionary.

"You could say that," Harry answered without looking up.

Then she noticed the Defence textbook.

"What... what do you need the Defence textbook for if you're practicing your French?"

"I'm doing my homework."

Hermione looked from the French dictionary, to the Defence textbook and then to the parchment Harry was writing on.

She sighed.

"What are you up to this time?"

"I need a way to earn myself another detention with the toad. If I play my cards right, it may not be the last detention that she ever gives out, but it will be the beginning of the end of her using those Blood Quills on students." Harry looked extremely pleased with himself.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. " _Oh?_ May I ask how exactly you are going to accomplish this?"

"Though the use of a nifty little spell I found in one of the books in your favourite place." Harry smirked.

Hermione sighed. "You'd have to know what you're doing. I've long since decided to give up trying to get you to stop or at least, temper down your efforts."

"Look at it this way: Umbridge is getting some karma. Not as much as she truly deserves yet, but karma nevertheless. And with this particular one, I'm not only doing my homework on time, but I'm also learning a new language while I'm at it!"

"This is the first prank that I've ever heard of that was actually educational," Hermione shook her head.

"If you mention that to Fred and George, they'll take that as a challenge." Harry chuckled.

"I'm not stupid enough to go giving them ideas. I have enough trouble keeping you and Ron in line." Hermione retorted.

"We're big boys now. We don't need _Mama Hermione_ minding us."

"But you're grateful for my brains anyway, aren't you?"

"Of course. Look at how many homework assignments you helped us save over the years."

"That's all I'm good for isn't it?"

"Nah. You're a bloody good friend too."

Hermione smiled as she put a hand on his scarred one.

"Give her _hell,_ Harry. Just don't harm yourself too much in the process..."

She got up and headed for the girls' dorms, leaving him there to finish his latest project.

* * *

Umbridge sat at the front of the class, looking through the assignments her students had turned in.

She calmly went through them, with the class silently, but anxiously awaiting the cutting comments she tended to make about the sub-par quality of their essays.

She paused when she came to a particular essay.

Harry glanced at Ron, who was seated next to him and Hermione, who sat next to Neville.

 _"Five Sickles says that it's my essay she's stopped at."_ Harry whispered to his best friend.

 _"Nah, mate. That's a sucker's bet."_ Ron whispered back.

"Potter, what is this?" she asked, brandishing the essay which, even from some distance away, Harry could tell was his.

"It's my essay, Professor Umbridge."

Harry answered as politely as he could manage.

"I could hardly think so. What is this gibberish you've written?" she stalked forward, practically slamming the essay down on the desk in front of him.

Harry took it up and made a show of reading it carefully.

"It looks fine to me." Harry shrugged.

"What language is this?"

It was obvious to everyone that Umbridge was merely trying to stay calm.

"My essay was written in French. I recently took up learning the language as my newest hobby, you see." Harry smiled sweetly.

By this point, the rest of the class had already started to giggle quietly and when Umbridge glared at them, they only stopped until she had returned her attention to Harry.

"Why did you write your essay in French? The last time I checked, we were in England."

Harry looked at her as if she was stupid. " _Well,_ the last time _I_ checked, we were actually in Scotland, studying magic at a school in Scotland. Unless Hogwarts somehow magically transported itself across the Scottish/English border?" he raised an eyebrow.

The class was openly laughing now.

Umbridge glared at them again, but they didn't stop.

Even Seamus, who was still skittish around Harry about the Voldemort issue, was openly laughing until tears ran down his cheeks and Dean who was seated to him, was not doing much better in the way of staying calm.

"All essays are supposed to be written in _English,_ Potter." Umbridge straightened herself to her full height, which really wasn't impressive at all. "Perhaps a detention will teach you a lesson this time?"

"I doubt it." Harry shrugged. "It hasn't worked before."

The class snickered even more.

 _"The next person to laugh in this classroom shall be joining Potter in detention!"_ she shrieked.

The class immediately went silent.

"Now, I do believe that enough time has been wasted on Mr Potter today. It's time to get this lesson back on track. Open your textbooks to chapter twenty-six."

With a sigh, the class did as they were told.

Harry smirked to himself as he pretended to read, as he usually did in her class.

Soon, she'd be getting a bit of her own medicine.

 _Soon._

* * *

As Harry stood outside Umbridge's office, he dropped a small firework beside the door, which, when exploded, would create an extremely loud noise, but not create much damage.

He grew more and more convinced every day that investing in Fred and George's joke shop was the right thing to do.

When he entered the office, Umbridge handed him the Blood Quill from a box inside her desk drawer, as she usually did.

Ten seconds later, a loud explosion was heard outside.

Temporarily forgetting about him, Umbridge dashed outside.

As soon as she was gone, Harry pulled his wand from his robes and ran for the box, which was inside the still open drawer.

 _"Simul Nectunt."_ Harry touched the tip of his wand on the box and a brief dark green glow outlined it.

He chuckled as he put away his wand and went back to his seat, putting on the most innocent expression he could muster, just as Umbridge hurried back into the room.

"Write: _I must do all assignments as instructed._ " she spoke as she went back to her plush, pink chair.

"Technically, I did. You never said the assignment was supposed to be in English." Harry reminded her.

"Write: _I must complete all my assignments in the language of instruction._ " Umbridge seethed.

"Now _there's_ an instruction that makes more sense." Harry said as he got to work.

As soon as he began writing, he heard Umbridge hiss in pain.

He glanced up, to see her holding her hand, a bit of blood dripping through her fingers.

Harry chuckled quietly.

He then began drawing jagged lines across the parchment and watched over the top of his classes as a few drops of blood fell from Umbrige's hand into the tea she had been drinking.

 _"What a waste of good tea,"_ he thought.

He then proceeded to draw several things: a whiskey bottle, a bear, a plate of biscuits, some shooting stars and a cartoonishly drawn picture of a toad on fire.

By this point, Umbridge's hand was bleeding heavily.

Still, Harry did not stop.

Having ample space left on his parchment, he began to write: "I must not torture students." until there was no more space left on the parchment.

 _"Potter, what did you do this time?"_ she hissed in a combination of pain and anger.

 _"Who, me?"_ Harry shrugged. "I did nothing. Perhaps your Blood Quills are malfunctioning this evening?"

 _"What did you do to my Blood Quills?!"_

" _Nothing!_ Do you honestly believe that a fifteen year old could overcome the enchantments on objects like those?!"

 _"You've done things that few other wizards have!"_ Umbridge pointed out.

"You know, that sounds so dangerously close to a compliment... Oh... _and things like surviving several attempts on my life by Lord Voldemort?_ " Harry asked in the sweetest, most innocent voice he could muster.

 _"Get out of my office, Potter, and never come back!"_ she shrieked, pointing at the door, her hand dripping blood on the floor to form a small red pool on the pink carpet.

Harry was out of there quicker than he ever thought possible.

* * *

As he made his way back to Gryffindor Tower, he started thinking of the spell he had used.

It was a spell that was typically used to link objects to each other, but he highly doubted that the author of the book that he had found it in had had that purpose in mind for the spell.

He cackled like a madman at the memory of Umbridge's suffering as he stepped though the portrait hole.

As he began his usual ritual of properly healing his hand after every detention with her, he made a mental note to add that spell to the ones to demonstrate in the next D.A. meeting.

If those who were there passed on the spell, Umbridge would soon have to stock up on several pain relief and blood replenishing potions.

Nothing more than she deserved for punishing children.

And karma was _far_ from done with her.


	6. Chapter 6

"That little spell you taught us at the last meeting was great." Harry was greeted by Lee when he climbed through the portrait hole that evening, being miraculously free of Umbridge's detentions for an entire week after the last one.

It was a new record.

"Oh really?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "How did it work out for you?"

"Splendidly. I didn't even draw. I just wrote a bunch of swear words and insults over and over until the parchment was filled. The types of words that would make Mrs. Weasley faint." Lee chuckled. "Now, I'm generally a bloke who's rather easygoing and detentions don't normally bother me no matter how bad, but this... this I just _couldn't_ let go..."

Harry put a hand on his shoulder. "I understand Lee. I completely understand... How long do you think it'll take for her to realise what's going on and stop using those things?"

"She'll crack soon. I'm sure of it." Lee checked his watch. "Now if you'll excuse me, I must go up to my dorm. Fred and George will be up soon. They just had a... _small matter_ to take care of first..."

Lee winked.

A grin spread across Harry's face.

* * *

The next morning, Harry was the first to awaken in the dorm.

Ron was snoring the loudest, his snores filling the room with a volume that Harry felt would have broken through even the strongest silencing charms.

Taking advantage of the early hour, he decided to enjoy having the bathroom to himself and took a longer shower than usual even taking the time to wash his hair.

As he did, he hummed to himself, seemingly in a really good mood for no apparent reason.

"Why do I feel as if something great is going to happen today?" he did a little jig once he was finally fully clean and dressed.

Grabbing a book out of his trunk and stowing his wand in his sleeve, he practically skipped down the stairs into the common room, which was completely deserted at this time of the morning.

As he opened the book to read, he suddenly remembered when Umbridge's latest Educational Degree was announced in the previous week and started to giggle.

* * *

 _Harry, Ron and Hermione had been walking down to breakfast that morning, talking in low tones about what had happened in Harry's detention the night before._

 _"I know you've told us the story already mate, but it just seems to get more and more hilarious every time you tell it," Ron snorted. "I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she realised what was happening!"_

 _"So do I honestly," Hermione admitted._

 _When they neared the Great Hall, it was to see a small crowd of students gathered around the general notice board watching Flich climb up a ladder with a now suspiciously familiar looking framed sheet of parchment in his grasp._

 _"Is that-" Hermione stopped in her tracks._

 _Harry hear some people murmuring about the new Educational Decree around them._

 _"All class work and homework is to be completed solely in the language of instruction, unless explicitly stated otherwise?" he heard some random Hufflepuff girl say._

 _"Where did that one come from?" he heard another Gryffindor wonder._

 _Harry shared a look with Ron and Hermione and immediately, all three of them burst out laughing as they continued to make their way into the Great Hall, drawing stares for their loud laughter at the inside joke._

* * *

"And she passed the Decree less than a day after I did it too..." he snorted in amusement.

He returned his attention to the book- _1001 Everyday Charms_ by Claudius Whitlock and began reading peacefully.

At least, he would appear to be reading peacefully to any bystander.

Oh no.

He was _plotting._

1001 different charms in one book that he could potentially corrupt to make a 'teacher' that he actually hated _more_ than Snape?

Why _wouldn't_ he read a book like that?

He'd come across the book in the library completely by accident when looking for something to help him with a Charms assignment and the rest was history.

He was even considering purchasing a copy for himself- that's how good the book was.

He had just spotted a particular spell that he thought would be useful when the rest of Gryffindor had finally awoken and started coming down.

Amongst the first to come out was Hermione who immediately made her way over to him when she spotted him.

"Good morning, Harry," she spoke rather brightly for someone who had just woken up. "what are you reading?"

 _"Typical,"_ Harry rolled his eyes. "Not even a 'how are you doing?', but a 'what are you reading?'. _Sad, sad, sad..._ "

It was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes.

 _"I find you very rude!"_ Harry smiled at her to show he was just teasing her.

"Are you going to tell me what you're reading or not?" she asked impatiently.

Harry showed her the cover. "This book is actually pretty bloody awesome. Apparently, this bloke travelled all around the world and while he did, he collected all these charms. Look, there's this charm that some Canadian witch invented to straighten hair. Maybe you could use it." he grinned.

 _"You're terrible,"_ Hermione huffed.

"Why, thank you."

Hermione got up and clamoured through the portrait hole behind some third years.

Ron joined him just before the last of Hermione's bushy hair disappeared through the exit.

"What did you do to her now?" he queried.

"Ah, nothing much. Hermione is just Hermione. She was asking about the book I'm reading-" he held it up for Ron to see. "-and I didn't give her a detailed enough book review."

Ron snorted. "Typical Hermione, indeed... what's it about, anyway?"

"Come with me, my friend," Harry put a hand on Ron's shoulder. "I'll tell you about all the interesting stuff it contains on the way down for breakfast."

* * *

Harry sat eating his breakfast peacefully, as he chatted with Ron about the charms in the book.

"Look at this," Harry gestured to the book, which was propped up against a giant bowl, which had formerly contained porridge before they Gryffindors had finished it all (with Ron being a great contributor to that).

"Hmm..." Ron swallowed the last mouthful of sausages. "hair growth spell? Way you describe him, you could use that on You-Know-Who."

Harry snorted. "Not bloody likely. If he wanted to grow himself some hair he would have. I think he actually enjoys the bald, snakelike look. Besides, I was thinking that I could make her look like a Sasquatch or something with this, if you put a little extra power into it."

"What's a Sasquatch?" Ron asked.

"Really hairy monster thing that Muggles came up with." Harry answered.

"Oh."

Harry went back to his breakfast, but looked up at the Staff Table and noticed something.

"Ron, where do you think Umbridge is? She never misses breakfast, missing an opportunity to lord over us all..." Harry asked between mouthfuls of kippers.

"I don't know, but I don't miss seeing her ugly face every time I happen to glance in that direction," Ron spoke without looking up from his food.

"Who can argue with that?" Harry shrugged.

A few minutes later, Dumbledore stood up and drew the attention of the students.

"Good morning students. I have an announcement to make."

The Headmaster waited until all the students had quieted down, which didn't take too long.

"I am sure that many of you have noticed that Professor Umbridge is not at breakfast with us this morning, as she usually is-"

Several people in the Great Hall cheered.

"this is because during the course of last night, she sustained an injury, which required assistance beyond what Madam Pomfrey could provide. As a result, she will be absent from school both today and tomorrow and her classes are cancelled for those days-"

The cheers that filled the Great Hall were much louder than before, with the loudest people amongst them being those who had gotten detentions with Umbridge.

"-however, she will be returning on Monday and will resume classes as normal then-"

Immediately the cheers in the hall switched to boos, which were even louder than the cheers.

Dumbledore had to raise his wand and send off several loud, deafening bangs to get the students to quiet down.

"Thank you. Now, I expect all of who have classes with her to spend that time catching up with your school work instead of slacking off..."

Harry glanced at Fred and George, who were seated on the opposite side of the table from him and a few seats down, who had their heads down and were whispering to one another.

"...and I'm sure we all wish her well in recovering from her injury." Dumbledore sat back down.

" Not bloody likely," Harry, as well as several others around him muttered their disagreement with the headmaster's statement.

* * *

"I can't believe this!" Ron said as he and Harry lounged around in the common room, during the time that they'd normally be in Umbridge's class. "I wonder who got her this time..."

"I don't know, and I don't care." Harry said, grinning. "I knew that something good was going to happen today and I guess this is it, so I'm going to enjoy it!"

"Not Hermione, though." Ron rolled his eyes. "She just _had_ to spend the extra time in the library..."

Fred and George strode over just then.

"Hello, ickle Ronniekins," Fred said.

"And dear Harrikins," said George.

"We would like to borrow Harry for a while." they spoke in unison.

 _"Why?"_ Ron raised an eyebrow, immediately suspicious.

"You can know if Harry chooses to tell you." George retorted.

"You coming, Harry?" asked Fred.

Harry glanced at Ron, then the twins.

He shrugged.

"Sure, why not?"

"Great," Fred grinned. "Come on up to our dorm. The others are out and about, so we can talk freely in there."

"See you, Ron." Harry hurried after the twins.

* * *

When they got up in the dorm, Lee was waiting for them.

"So, did you get him to agree?" Lee asked.

" _Agree to what?_ They only told me to follow them up here..." Harry looked puzzled.

"Well, my dear Harry," said Fred.

"We _may_ or _may not_ have had something to do with our unfortunate Defence Against the Dark Arts professor's injuries," George said.

"However, we would like to leave a _few_ welcome back gifts in her office to greet her when she returns, if you catch my drift." Lee said.

"Sure, why not. Wait-" Harry's brain caught up to what George had said. "What did do to Umbridge?"

"Well, you know how I had detention with her on Monday?" Lee asked.

Harry nodded.

"Well I got out of it early, due to the twins here causing a disturbance down the corridor. When I left, they worked their magic." Lee grinned.

"You know our Nosebleed Nougats, right" Fred asked.

Harry nodded.

"Well, we snuck into her office and merged some of the key ingredients into her entire stock of tea and her biscuits too." Fred admitted.

"Without the cure, any time she tries to eat or drink those things... let's just say that not only would it aggravate any injuries she sustained with a Blood Quill, but give her what the Nougats are supposed to do as well." George finished.

"Brilliant bit of Transfiguration and Charms work, that." Lee chortled.

By then, Harry was grinning as well. "Brilliant. Completely savage, but brilliant."

"Back to our current scheme: Operation: Welcome. We're going to redecorate her office, among other things. Lee's going to be our lookout and help us prep a few of the things we'll need beforehand." Fred said.

"Well, that's it from us, Harry." Fred said. "Now, are you in or not?"

Harry remained silent for a few moments, before smiling.

"Of course I'm in. So, what are the plans? How can I help? I have a few resources at my disposal that would be rather helpful with this..."

 _"Excellent!"_ Fred exclaimed, rubbing his hands together in glee. _"Let's get this party started!"_

* * *

In St Mungo's, while Umbridge's mangled hands were being tended to by a Healer, a shudder passed through the toad-like woman.

Something _horrible_ had just happened.

She was _sure_ of it.


	7. Chapter 7

"What a wonderful day," Harry grinned as he plopped himself down into the grass outside the castle with Ron and Hermione, enjoying the day that was unusually warm and pleasant for that time of year. "such a pleasant, wonderful day..." Harry sighed happily as he relaxed.

"You're just saying that because Umbridge is still away today and we don't have to see her, aren't you?" Hermione asked.

"And you're saying that you _don't_ feel the same way?" Harry raised an eyebrow at her.

"Certainly not," Hermione sat against a nearby tree and retrieved a book from her bag. "it simply means that I have more time to actually enjoy a book that I find of value."

Ron rolled his eyes. " _Of course_ you'd spend the extra time reading..."

" _Why not?_ It's something I enjoy!" Hermione shrugged then went back to her book, which, upon closer inspection, Harry realised, was a Muggle one.

"Keeping up with the Muggle side of things?" Harry asked casually.

"Of course. Learning magic is great and all, but I don't know why wizards won't teach their children simple things like science..." Hermione said.

"First of all," Harry began. "Don't the very ideas behind science and magic contradict one another? Science has a lot of stringent rules set in stone and magic tends to be more... flexible. Secondly, that looks like a university level Physics book. If we were still in the Muggle system, we'd only be at GCSE stage..."

Ron, at this point, began to look extremely lost.

The two Muggle raised magicals ended up having a very lively debate about the merits of science versus magic, which drew attention from some of the other students around them, who pitched in their own opinions from time to time.

It was just as their debate was winding down, that Fred and George found their way over to them.

"Saw the crowd out here, so we decided to see what was happening." Fred explained by way of greeting.

"What exactly are they talking about anyway?" George asked Ron.

"Not a bloody clue," Ron shrugged. "Something about a Muggle subject called Physics and how magic completely goes against it, from what I can understand..."

"Eh, let them have at it. We were looking for Harry too, but it can wait," George shrugged.

"What do you want him for?" Ron raised an eyebrow, clearly suspicious of his brothers' motives.

"That's for us to know," Fred ruffled George's hair. "and for you to find out when _she_ gets back."

"She...?" Ron looked puzzled for a moment, before his eyes widened in realisation. "...oh. _Oh._ Okay then."

Fred and George chuckled.

"Hello you two. What's happening?" Harry walked over to them once he noticed them.

"Ah. nothing much, really. We just require your presence..." Fred swung an arm around Harry's shoulder and led him off, his twin close behind them.

* * *

Harry ended up in Fred and George's dorm with Lee being the only other one present, their dorm-mates once again being mysteriously absent.

"We're doing it tonight. Are you ready for this?" Fred asked. "There's no backing out now."

"Hell yes, I'm ready!" Harry exclaimed. "I started coming up with ideas for this right after you approached me the first time about this undertaking!"

"That's the spirit!" Lee exclaimed with a grin. "So, what have you got planned for us, anyway?"

"Just a few nifty spells that I managed to come across in my research," Harry grinned back. "Along with a few other things that I already knew. Umbridge will _love_ them, I'm sure."

"See?" George asked his brother and Lee. "What did I tell you? If there's anyone who could really get into this sort of thing and could help us out, it's him. After all, we _do_ need an apprentice to take care of things after we leave this fine institution, don't we?"

"I get it from my dad, I suppose. He was one of the original Marauders, after all." Harry chuckled at the looks on Fred's, George's and Lee's faces.

"You're _joking,_ " Lee said.

"Not at all! My father was Prongs! Sirius Black was Padfoot, Professor Lupin was Moony and _Wormtail..._ "

Just saying the last nickname left as bitter taste in Harry's mouth.

"...was Peter Pettigrew. So as you can see, I already have mischief-maker tendencies in my blood."

"Why the bloody hell did you never tell us this before?!" George asked, indignant.

"It never came up," Harry shrugged, indifferent to the matter.

George glared at him. "We'll talk about that later. For now, we have to focus on Umbridge's welcome back present!"

Fred nodded. "We're going to meet in the Common Room at midnight on Sunday. We'll have gotten out Hogsmeade visit out of the way tomorrow by then, so any last minute supplies you may have wanted to get hold of there, things to do, people to see..."

Harry nodded. "I've already got everything I need. I suppose I could see if I get any last minute ideas..." he shrugged.

"Great." Lee nodded.

"Alright then. Let's hear what you've got planned. We've got to do this properly, after all. It'll be one of the biggest pranks we've ever pulled on any staff member!" Fred cackkled evilly as he rubbed his hands together.

"Except perhaps," George started snickering as well. "for what we did to Filch in our second year..."

At this, even Lee began to laugh.

"Wait, wait... what the bloody hell am I missing? What's the joke here?"

"That doesn't matter now, Harry. That's all in the past. For now, we have to focus on the present. Umbridge's welcome back present, that is."

Lee rolled out a sheet of parchment on the nearest bed and when Harry saw what was on it, his eyes widened.

"Oh. Oh yes, gentlemen." Harry nodded as he took in the details. "I think I am truly going to enjoy this..."

They got to work on finalising their project and by the time they were done, they had such broad grins on their faces, that when they exited the dorm and found themselves in their common room once again, everyone who saw them immediately knew that they were up to something, some of them dreading what it could possibly be to have them all looking so pleased.

* * *

When the appointed time came, all four teenagers found themselves sneaking out of Gryffindor Tower and towards Umbridge's office.

Harry was under his Invisibility Cloak moving towards the location on his own, while the other three made their way separately.

Aside from a near run-in with Mrs. Norris, Harry made it to the office without any problems, just seconds before the other three boys showed up.

"Glad to see you could make it," Harry spoke quietly.

Lee nodded, before tapping the door handle with his wand.

A simple Alohomora later, and they all were inside.

"That was... stupidly easy..." Lee looked surprised that it had actually worked.

"Yeah, she does strike you as the stupid type, doesn't she?" Harry mused as he took in the horrid sight of her office.

George moved back to the door and shut it, before muttering a few incantations as he waved his wand about.

"There," he nodded, apparently satisfied. "Locked, soundproofed... basically nobody is going to catch us in here while we work."

Harry cackled like a maniac.

"This is going to be so much fun..." Harry raised his wand and got to work on the cat plates, Fred went for her filing cabinet, George went to work on the walls and Lee went for the cupboard that Umbridge kept her snacks and tea.

Harry started singing a Muggle song to himself as he worked.

 _"Tired of the injustice, tired of the schemes..."_ he bopped his head to the beat as he sang and when he hit a high note, flicked a wand at a section of plates which immediately morphed into images of grotesque looking toads instead of cats.

"Nice voice, Harry." Lee snickered as he cast a spell on several of Umbridge's biscuits, before duplicating them, stuffing some of the duplicates into a satchel that he'd brought with him. "What song are you singing?"

"Thank you, Lee. It's a song by an American Muggle bloke named Michael Jackson and his sister Janet." Harry continued to sing.

"You should put on a concert," Fred snickered. "You'd do better than the Weird Sisters!"

"There's an idea. Thank you, Fred..." Harry grinned.

 _"What horrible fate have you doomed us all to, Fred?"_ Lee groaned as he cast a spell on Umbridge's teabags.

As George swept his wand around the walls, they turned black.

"From a black as dark as her soul, to neon green, to vomit orange, these walls will keep changing colours for a few weeks." George explained.

"That's actually a good bit of Charms work. _Why the bloody hell_ did you and Fred not get better results at the OWLs?" Harry demanded.

"We didn't care. Still don't, actually. They won't matter when we're running our shop anyway..." Fred shrugged.

The four of them worked happily for several more minutes, before deciding to call it quits.

Standing in front of the door, they took in their work.

George moved to undo the enchantments on the door, but Harry stopped him.

 _"Wait!"_ he exclaimed suddenly.

Harry flicked his wand and muttered an incantation that neither of the other three boys had ever heard before.

The furniture in the room began moving and rearranging itself.

"There." Harry lowered his wand when the furniture was finally all arranged to his liking. " _Now_ we're done here. Let's see her try to work with her precious furniture like that..."

 _"Whoa,"_ Fred looked in awe. "I _definitely_ don't regret letting you in on this now. In fact, I'm only sorry that we didn't recruit you into our schemes earlier..."

"Well, the past is in the past. We only have the future to look forward to, my dear friend." Harry patted him on the shoulder. "Speaking of the future we should bet back to Gryffindor Tower soon. I don't know about you, but I want to get some sleep for tomorrow... well, later, actually... _anyway,_ I have classes that I actually care about that I want to be awake for..."

"Well said, Harry." Lee grinned. "Let's get out of here."

The four of them made it back to Gryffindor Tower without any incident and Harry slipped into his dorm, getting ready for bed without waking up any of the others.

A big smile was on his face as he thought of everything he, the twins and Lee had done that night and as he fell asleep, he couldn't help but actually look forward to Umbridge's return, if only _just_ to see her reaction to her brand new office.


	8. Chapter 8

_**It's my seven year anniversary on the site today! Have a chapter to celebrate!**_

* * *

As Harry awoke a few hours later and sat up in his bed, he began chuckling to himself.

"This day is going to be so fantastic," he thought, stretching and looking around the dorm.

Ron, Neville, Dean and Seamus were all still asleep, even as light began to filter through the closed window.

"Eh, it means I can get a head start on the showers first..." he shrugged, finally dragging himself out of bed and fetching his toiletries out of his trunk.

Once clean and fully awake, he grabbed a bit of parchment out of his trunk, as well as a self-inking quill and some envelopes.

Writing a few quick notes, and sealing them in the envelopes, he got up and was ready to make his way to the Owlery to find Hedwig since she hadn't returned to his dorm during the night, he heard a clicking sound at the window.

Looking up, it was to see Hedwig there, waiting to be let in.

"I swear, it's like she knows when she is needed..." Harry murmured as he swung open the window.

"Hey there, little lady. How are you doing?" Harry rubbed her feathers lightly, just the way she seemed to like it.

She hooted happily.

"I have a few notes for you to take around. Hogsmeade, then London. You can stop by Snuffles' place for a bit if you need a break." Harry said.

Hedwig puffed up and hooted indignantly, as if offended by the very notion that she would need a break.

Harry chuckled.

For a bird, she had quite the personality...

"I believe I had a packet of shortbread biscuits stashed in one of the pockets of this robe... _aha!_ " Harry exclaimed triumphantly as he retrieved it.

"It's no owl treat, but it'll have to do for now. One of those notes is to order more supplies for you..." Harry found himself explaining as he offered one to the owl, who graciously accepted it.

Just as she'd finished eating, Harry heard the sounds of other students coming down.

"Alright then. Have a nice flight." Harry watched as she took off.

 _"And to think that nothing I asked for is suspicious, so she'll have no reason to confiscate it if the bitch tries to read my mail..."_ Harry chuckled.

Once she was gone, Harry remembered exactly why he had woken up in such a good mood earlier.

 _"I wonder how the rest of the school will find out about her redecorated office_ ," he thought. "Perhaps she'll make a scene... or perhaps she'll keep it quiet to save herself some humiliation. It's hard to tell with her, really..."

Hermione came down the stairs and once she saw him, looked surprised.

"Harry, you're not usually up this early..." she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Eh... I had stuff to do." Harry shrugged.

"What _kind_ of stuff?" Hermione asked, immediately suspicious.

She knew him _far_ too well.

"Nothing today." Harry said.

 _"I've already got today's mischief handled."_ he thought.

Hermione stared him down.

"Really! I haven't done anything today! I just woke up early to send off a few notes with Hedwig!" Harry exclaimed.

"What _kind_ of notes?" Hermione's suspicion was not alleviated in the slightest.

"Oh, nothing that would get a certain toad's suspicions up." Harry spoke casually. "I placed a few orders with Hedwig for some owl treats, a few books, as well as a few snacks- Muggle and Wizarding. Can't go through the day without a good snack and I don't know about you, but I could do with a Walkers fix and I found out about a great company in Diagon Alley that can obtain such products for me."

"Oh really? I'll have to get their information from you then." Hermione perked up a bit, but then resumed her usual manner. "Don't think I've forgotten about you possibly up to something again, though."

Harry chuckled. "I'd never expect you to, but I can't persuade you otherwise, so I'm not going to bother and waste my time trying. Have you got something to write with on you, though? I can give you the information now and you'd have time to send off an order before breakfast."

Hermione immediately pulled a pen and small notebook out of a pocket and handed them to him.

After Harry scribbled the information down and handed both the pen and notebook back, Hermione immediately hurried for the exit.

Harry flopped into a nearby chair and relaxed.

It was still a bit too early to go down for breakfast, so he sat there and imagined what Umbridge's reaction to her brand new office would be when she returned.

* * *

Harry ended up going down to breakfast with Fred, George and Lee, chatting amicably as they went.

The unusual combination of students drew a few second glances, but other than that, nobody paid them attention as they sat at the Gryffindor table together.

"How do you think she'll react?" Lee asked eagerly.

"All I know is that I hope the reaction is Pensieve or camera worthy." Harry spoke indifferently as he fixed himself a bowl of cornflakes, sprinkling enough sugar over it to make Hermione, who was a few places away, cringe.

"There's something to look into obtaining..." Fred looked at George.

"You're right. Perhaps when our store really gets off the ground we could look into acquiring one. It'd be a great way to relieve some of our greatest pranks whenever we wanted!" George exclaimed.

Harry shook his head, amused. "Only you two would think of buying such a precious item just so you could do that..."

"Did you expect any differently?" Fred asked him.

Harry paused with a spoonful of cereal halfway between his mouth and the bowl.

"No, not really, no..." Harry admitted.

Ron had just entered the hall a few minutes later and sat next to Harry and across from Lee when they heard a loud bellow of rage coming from somewhere outside of the Great Hall.

"A Galleon says that's Umbridge finding out about her office." Lee snickered.

"A fool's bet there, Lee. I'm certainly not going to be taking it!" Harry exclaimed.

The doors to the Great Hall slammed open with a loud bang that startled many of the students and an angry Umbridge stomped into the hall, headed straight for the Gryffindor table.

Some students, who had been just outside the Great Hall, right behind Umbridge, stood there in the doorway, looking shell-shocked.

 _"You."_ she growled when she reached Harry. "You did this. _I know you did!_ "

Dumbledore and McGonagall were at the Gryffindor table before people even had the time to realise that they had moved.

"What am I being accused of, Professor?" Harry asked, looking completely innocent.

"Yes, Dolores. What _is_ he being accused of?" Professor McGonagall narrowed her eyes at the pink-clad witch.

 _"He..."_ she spat. "And his little _friends_ with him..." she gestured at Fred, George and Lee. "...they wreaked havoc on my office! It looks as if a hurricane passed through it!"

"I did no such thing." Harry said. "And I'm sure that they didn't either."

Fred, George and Lee all voiced their objections.

"What evidence do you have to mount such an accusation?" Dumbledore asked serenely, looking as if he was quite enjoying Umbridge's unhappiness.

"I don't need evidence. I know _he... they_ did it!" Umbridge shrieked.

"You four, come with us. We're going to see what she is talking about." McGonagall said.

 _"Oh come on!"_ Harry whined. "I haven't finished my bacon yet!"

McGonagall glared at him.

Harry immediately got up, stuffed a handful of bacon into his mouth, two handfuls of bacon into each pocket and followed behind the professors, Fred, George and Lee.

* * *

"This..." Umbridge pointed at the door of her office, her hand shaking in fury. "Look at this!"

Dumbledore and McGonagall shared a look before the latter opened the door, stopping short of the sight that lay behind it.

The boys had to stop themselves from bursting out into laughter at the expressions of the adults.

Inside Umbridge's office looked as if a tornado had hit it.

All the furniture was upside down, with things meant to be on the floor on the ceiling and things meant to be on the ceiling on the floor (Harry was especially proud of that), the plates on the walls had pictures of grotesque looking toads with pink bows, the wall was currently changing from acid green to electric blue, the filing cabinet and cupboard kept opening and closing with loud bangs, scattering all their contents around the room, a large, full-colour photograph of Umbridge (provided by Colin) falling down repeatedly into a large puddle of mud (provided by Dennis) hung on the wall directly opposite them and under it, written in red paint, but styled to look like blood were the words: _"I must not torture children"._

"Dolores, what is the meaning of _that?_ " McGonagall pointed at the words on the wall.

Umbridge shot a glare at the teenagers, who were snickering.

They immediately stopped when they saw her looking, but immediately resumed whenever she turned away.

"I don't know what these ruffians are accusing me of. It is lies. _All of it! Lies!_ " she shrieked, sounding more and more like a cat whose tail had been stepped on.

"And look what happens when I try to get something from the filing cabinet!"

When Umbridge reached for it, it actually snapped at her and growled like a _very_ displeased dog.

Harry, Fred, George and Lee snickered even more.

Dumbledore stepped into the room just as the walls turned murky brown.

"Well, whoever was responsible for this is extremely talented in Charms and Transfiguration. Professor Flitwick and Professor McGonagall must certainly have taught them well." he said, sounding vaguely amused.

McGonagall looked just a little proud.

"What are you going to do about this? I need to see those responsible _punished_ for this travesty! _Severely!_ "

"Unfortunately, we have no proof as to who might have pulled this off and _no,_ Dolores," the headmaster cut her off, just as she began to accuse Harry, Fred, George and Lee again. "you cannot accuse this quartet without cause. I know for certain that they are not the only ones in this school that may or may not have a problem with your methods."

"Well, I certainly can't work in an office like this!" Umbridge exclaimed.

"You will not have to. There are many other rooms which you may use as an office for the time being, some of which are actually closer to your classroom than this one. I suggest seeking one of those out." Dumbledore suggested.

"In the meantime," McGonagall glanced back at Harry, who was sharing the bacon he'd taken from the Great Hall with the other three Gryffindor boys. "I think we should let these young men get back to breakfast. There is still adequate time for them to have some more food if they wish and then fetch their things for their first class. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some kippers to get back to."

Swishing her robe a bit as she turned, McGonagall walked away without another word.

"Well," Dumbledore looked more at Fred, George and Lee when he spoke. "You heard what Professor McGonagall said, I presume. Go on back to breakfast and I assure you, this matter will be resolved in a timely fashion."

They ran down the corridor and were barely out of sight when they burst out into laughter.

"I can't bloody believe that!" Fred exclaimed.

"Did you see the look on her face? It was glorious!" Lee chortled.

"And to think... she actually thinks that's it?" George asked. "That's just the beginning, you old toad!"

"You know... this year at Hogwarts is just beginning to look up..." Harry said. "But for now, let's just get back to breakfast, shall we? I'm not to let her deprive me of proper nutrition, revenge or not..."

* * *

When Harry returned to the Great Hall and sat next to Ron, Hermione immediately hurried over to sit on his other side, carrying a bowl of porridge as she did.

"Peace, Hermione." Harry held up his hand to stop her before she could begin. "I am not in trouble, so don't start."

"What was she accusing you of, anyway?" Ron asked.

"Redecorating her office," Harry swallowed a glass of orange juice in one go.

"Redecor _\- what?_ " Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.

"You know, the furniture topsy-turvy, walls changing colours, toads instead of cats decorating the walls... the entire works." Harry shrugged, reaching for an apple.

Ron and Hermione looked at one another, as if wondering when exactly Harry had lost his sanity.


	9. Chapter 9

_Started off the week with Hurricane Matthew, ending it with a mini-vacation. This chapter is short compared to the others, but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless._

* * *

By the end of the school day, it seemed that the entirety of the school population knew what had happened to Umbridge's office.

And they all knew who Umbridge was placing the blame on, even without proof.

Harry, Fred, George and Lee never outright confirmed anyone's suspicions about the remodelling, although they didn't protest as much as they could have.

Random students (except the Slytherins, naturally) smiled at them or made congratulatory remarks as they went about their day.

"I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she first saw her office's new look!" Ron chortled as he, Harry and Hermione made their way down for dinner that evening.

"Well, _actually..._ " Hermione started, before Harry cut her off.

"Not now, Hermione. I really don't need an impromptu information session about that. I just want to enjoy my dinner in peace." Harry said.

Hermione rolled her eyes, but said nothing further as they entered the Great Hall.

The first thing that they noted when they sat down was that there were several copies of pictures scattered up and down the table, with at least one at each place setting.

"What is this-" Ron tied to pick up the picture by where he chose to sit, but it resisted, remaining firmly stuck to the table.

Once he saw what it was a picture of, however, his eyes widened briefly, before he burst out into laughter, which was being echoed around them by others who were looking at the pictures at their seats.

Harry looked at the one on his spot and began to snicker when he saw that it was a picture of Umbridge falling down into the mud puddle- the same one that he and the others had put in Umbridge's office.

As he glanced up he saw the Creevey brothers entering the Hall and when they got closer to him, they winked and continued down the table, eventually separating to sit with their own separate group of friends.

 _"That cheeky bastard..."_ Harry shook his head, chuckling to himself.

As the Great Hall filled up, more and more people were taking notice of the pictures liberally decorating the tables and bursting out into laughter.

Glancing over to the Slytherin table, Harry saw- to his surprise, that there were actually a few of them that seemed _amused_ by it all.

They weren't outright laughing and chortling like people from the other three Houses, but the signs of amusement were clearly there.

The teachers started coming into the Great Hall soon afterwards and they too, it seemed, had the embarrassing pictures of Umbridge stuck at their table, as he noticed Professor Sinistra point out something on the table to Professor Vector and the two witches chuckled before taking their seats.

McGonagall saw the pictures, glanced at them and promptly began sharing out her own breakfast, though Harry didn't miss the brief smile that crossed her lips.

Dumbledore and Umbridge came in afterwards, with the Headmaster reaching the Staff Table just before Umbridge.

Lavender and Parvati, the Fifth Years who sat closest to the Staff Table, managed to hear the briefly low-volume conversation, before it all exploded.

"Dumbledore... what are these?" Umbridge asked the Headmaster.

"Why, they appear to be photographs of yourself, Dolores." Dumbledore asked serenely, before settling himself in to enjoy his breakfast.

"They're quite the flattering photographs, Dolores. Perhaps you would be willing to sign one for me?" Flitwick quipped.

Umbridge seethed, before turning to the students, who had quietened down, as they all watched her in anticipation.

"WHO PUT THESE HERE?!" Umbridge shrieked.

"No idea, Professor!" Angelina called out. "Not a clue!"

"Me either! I just saw these when I got here!" Susan shouted from the Hufflepuff table.

"It's a complete mystery, Professor!" Cho called out.

When Umbridge glanced at the Slytherin table, they merely shrugged, seemingly indifferent to the entire spectacle.

"Give me this!" she tried to snatch the picture from Parvati's place, but it wouldn't budge.

"What is-" Umbridge pulled out her wand, sending Parvati, Lavender and several other Gryffindors nearby running for cover.

The first time she tried to use a spell to remove the offending photograph, one became two.

The second time, two became four.

Then four became sixteen.

All of the pictures when they had multiplied, went shooting towards Umbridge, who had to dodge them with each attempt.

Those who had scattered from that part of the table squeezed in with other friends to eat and watch the breakfast show.

"Where did these photographs come from?!"

 _"From a camera, you dumb toad."_ Harry heard Ginny's mutter from a few places down from him and caught her eye, the two of them breaking out into snickers when they did.

"Professor Umbridge, your attempts at removing the photographs only seem to make it worse. For now, why don't you attempt to have some breakfast and the rest of the staff can try to sort out the matter in our free time?" McGonagall spoke words that on the surface would be reassuring, were it not for the patronising tone in which she said them.

The Gryffindors cackled loudest of all, chief among them, Harry and the Creevey brothers, who were rather close to sounding like hyenas at the moment.

Umbridge snarled as she tried one final time to remove the pictures.

They multiplied and exploded with such force that she was thrown back several feet, knocking into the Staff Table and knocking over Hagrid's cornflakes, which toppled over onto her head, coating her with cereal and milk, which clung to her clothing and hair, in addition to the pictures.

The students' laughter only increased at the sight.

When Harry met Colin's eye, he inclined his head slightly towards the door and mouthed: " _Meet me outside."_.

Colin nodded and turned back to enjoy the show.

Hermione noticed the interaction, but didn't say anything.

* * *

Harry met the Creevey brothers in an empty room near to the Great Hall.

"You did this, I assume?" Harry asked.

"We did indeed." Colin grinned. "Dennis and I decided that we wanted to do our part in your quest to drive the old toad crazy. You think we did a good job just now?"

"Oh you did, my dear friend." Harry chuckled. "You did indeed..."

Colin looked absolutely _delighted_ at being called Harry's dear friend.

"It was pretty easy. We snuck down here during the night with a few copies of the picture you asked us to lend you for what I assume was part of the redecorating prank-" Dennis looked at Harry, who nodded in confirmation.

"-and we cast a few multiplication charms both to increase the quantity we had to stick to the tables and to make them multiply any time she tried to remove them with magic. We went up and down the tables using the strongest sticking spells we could find and well, you just saw the result!"

Harry looked truly impressed.

"We nearly got caught by Filch, but it was completely worth it." Colin grinned.

"Worth it indeed, Colin. It was certainly worth it indeed..." Harry agreed.

"What's next, Harry? What are you going to do next?" Dennis asked eagerly.

"Just you wait and see, my young friend. Just wait and see. It's still in the planning stages, but if you can help, I will be sure to let you know. You've proven yourselves to be more than worthy of being my allies in my fight to completely mess with Umbridge's mental health- not that it wasn't already messed up..." Harry said.

He glanced at his watch.

"Well, boys. I have History of Magic to get to and I'm sure you have classes to be in too. We'll be in touch." Harry gave a jaunty wave as he left the room.

Good.

His influence was spreading.


	10. Chapter 10

_"Get up, stand up..."_ Harry did a little jig as he climbed through the portrait hole, jumping and landing gracefully in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room, a jump which would make an Olympian proud. _"...stand up for your rights..."_

Several of those present stared incredulously at him.

He twirled as he sang.

 _"...don't give up the fight..."_

He plopped into an armchair right next to the window overlooking the grounds.

"You're awfully cheerful this afternoon..." Dean raised an eyebrow, immediately suspicious. _"Why?"_

"First Hermione, now you too?" Harry asked, sounding exasperated. "Why is that when I'm in a good mood, people automatically think I'm up to something?!"

"That's because you usually are." Hermione didn't even bother to look up from the Ancient Runes textbook that she was reading.

"My feelings are hurt, Hermione. So, _so_ hurt..." Harry pouted.

"Where is the lie, Harry? We all know the signs of when you're up to something by now..." Ron piped up.

"I'm not. I'm relaxing. As pleasant as it is watching Umbridge in severe mental distress, even I need a break every once in a while." Harry shrugged. "Besides, I have some studying and homework to do later. I want to be able to rub it in the Ministry's faces that I'm not a delusional, lazy, unintelligent waste of flesh and magic when I pass all of my OWLs with flying colours."

Fred and George looked at him in surprise.

"Well, if that's not an admirable reason to pass your exams..." Fred started.

"...then I don't know what is." George finished.

 _"Bless his heart!"_ they exclaimed in unison, hugging him from both sides.

"Geroff me, you clowns!" Harry shoved them both away from him to general laughter.

"Like I said, I have things to do, so if you'll excuse me..." he headed up the stairs to his dorm room.

When he entered, he rummaged around inside his trunk until he pulled out a small, light blue book entitled: 'OWL Study Guide: Defence Against the Dark Arts' by an Abraham Woodrow.

Umbridge and the Ministry refused to teach him Defence Against the Dark Arts properly, did they?

Well, money talked and Flourish and Blotts certainly weren't going to deny him a sale...

Propping himself up in bed, he set the book on his lap and began to read.

The contrast between what was in this study guide and what was in Umbridge's sorry excuse for a syllabus was _immense._

He could tell, just by looking at the table of contents, that this was a book that would help him pass his exam.

For he was determined that if he could even pull just one Outstanding in the very same subject that they were trying not to let the students learn, it would be just like giving them a giant middle finger.

Which was much less than what they actually deserved.

* * *

Dinner came and went, though it was not without its surprises.

Despite not having any sort of hand in it, he was immediately blamed when as soon as Umbridge crossed the threshold of the Great Hall, her hair immediately started falling out.

Like most of the others already present in the Hall, he was laughing loudly, quite amused by the toad woman's plight.

"You!" her eyes widened as she spotted him laughing with the others.

Harry put down his fork. _"Here we go again with the wild accusations..."_

"What did you do to me this time?!" she shrieked at him.

Harry stared her down, not outwardly giving any sort of impression that he cared.

"I did nothing to you. All I was doing was trying to enjoy my dinner. Which I actually was, at least until you came along."

He returned to his bangers and mash quite serenely, ignoring the woman's tirade against him.

"Professor Umbridge, what is the meaning of this commotion?" McGonagall had gotten there so fast, nobody had noticed her moving.

"Damn, Professor! Where did you come from?!" Ron, who was sitting next to Harry, asked her, clearly startled.

"Never you mind that, Weasley." McGonagall shushed him. "Professor Umbridge, what is the problem?"

"The problem is Potter." Umbridge seethed, pointing at him.

A few seats away, Harry heard Fred and George chanting under their breath: _"Potter Problem, Potter Problem, Potter Problem..."._

He fought back the urge to smirk.

"What has he done this time?" McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Or rather, what are you accusing him of this time? He has been here for the entirety of the dinner period, eating and chatting with his friends. Not once did I see him retrieve his wand and use it."

"Are you saying that you keep an eye on him at all times during the meal?" Umbridge asked.

"Are you saying that he could pull his wand and cast such a precise hair removal charm on you without anyone at all noticing? Not even myself or any of the other teachers?" McGonagall wasn't backing down. "In fact, let us settle this. Potter, would you mind handing over your wand for a moment?"

"Take care of it, won't you?" Harry handed it over.

"It will be fine in my hands, Potter." McGonagall gave him the barest hint of a smile. _"Priori Incantatem!"_

The spell indicated that the last few spells Harry had performed were a Summoning Charm, a Banishing Charm, a Shield Charm, a spell that changed a block of wood into a carving of a wooden duck and an Animation Charm.

" _You see,_ Professor?" Harry spoke sweetly as McGonagall handed him back his wand. "I've done nothing wrong. I spent some time today up in my dorm room practicing some Charms and Transfiguration work. Where's the harm in that? It is not against any of your Educational Decrees..."

"And judging by the results I just saw, you did them quite well." McGonagall nodded approvingly. "Keep up that sort of work and there would be no reason that you should not pass your OWLs in those subjects."

"Thank you, Professor." Harry beamed, knowing full well that his delighted expression would only serve to infuriate Umbridge even further.

"I think..." she spoke as if she was willing herself not to Avada Kedavra him right then and there. "...that I will have my dinner in my personal quarters instead..."

The laughter increased as the woman left the hall, still bald.

Harry could have sworn that McGonagall had a bit of a spring of her step as she walked back to the Staff Table to resume her dinner.

* * *

After the DA meeting the next evening, both the Weasley twins and the Creevey brothers stopped Harry separately to ask him about the previous day's event.

His answer was the same for both of them.

"It wasn't me, guys. Honestly!" he exclaimed when both of them looked as if they did not believe him. "I'm taking a bit of a break from that now! Studying and all that. That isn't to say that I've giving up messing with her, but... I've got other things to do, you know?"

"If you didn't do it..." Fred and George had said.

"...then who did?" Colin and Dennis asked.

"I don't know, but it wasn't me. I have no idea who it was either. Lots of people in this school hate Umbitch. I can't... _we_ can't be the only ones who want to drive her barmy..." Harry shrugged.

"Well, then, it looks like we've got a mystery on our hands, gentlemen." Fred said.

"Who is it that did that performed such a hair-raising..." George started.

"...hair shaving, you mean..." Fred continued.

"event?" they asked in unison.

Harry sighed.

"Well if you want to find that out, go ahead. Between studying and planning my next onslaught, I'm not doing anything for now. Feel free to keep up your efforts, however. We could all do with some good laughs. All the better if they're at _her_ expense."

Both pairs of boys left the room with the same question on their mind as Harry.

Who did it?


	11. Chapter 11

Please go and check out my newest story, **_Scarlet Fox_**! It's a crossover with Miraculous, but even if you're not familiar with that show (which I highly recommend), you should be able to follow and enjoy it! It's a _Superhero!Harry_ story! Who _wouldn't_ enjoy one?

There's a new poll on my profile about Miraculous crossovers if you're interested. _Go vote!_

* * *

Harry sat near the edge of the Great Lake, bundled up appropriately for the increasingly cool weather and took in the sights around him.

Others too, were also bundled up and making the best of the cool weather outdoors.

Harry spotted the Creevey brothers on the other side of the lake feeding the Giant Squid something and chuckled.

Pulling a flask of hot cocoa from the basket that the House Elves had given him when he visited the kitchen, he took a sip, which was promptly followed by him swallowing a chocolate biscuit whole.

"Remus knew what he was talking about when he spoke of the wonders of chocolate..." Harry smiled to himself.

Harry paused for a moment, remembering an incident where Umbridge had eaten some chocolate ice cream for dessert one evening.

As soon as she'd finished the small bowl, she'd started turning brown, then taking on an appearance that made her look as if she was melting.

"I know that they say that you are what you eat, but that is ridiculous..." Dean raised an eyebrow at Umbridge's transformation, completely calm compared to Seamus, who was sitting next to him, laughing as if he had lost all sense.

Hermione turned to look at Harry.

Harry shrugged. "Wasn't me, Hermione."

"He's right, you know." Fred winked at her.

"It was somebody else." George said.

"Not Ickle Harrikins over here."

"We couldn't let him have all the fun, now could we?"

Hermione merely sighed, returning to her dinner, even as chaos erupted around them all.

He laughed as he remembered.

"Glad to see you're all happy and smiling." Ron's voice came from behind him, startling him, his reaction making Hermione, who stood just behind Ron, giggle.

Harry glared at her, but then returned his attention to Ron.

"You're nervous about tomorrow, aren't you?" Harry asked him sympathetically.

"How do you deal with it, Harry?" Ron looked the sort of pale that Harry couldn't associate with the cold. "All the jeers and the taunts... They're right you know. I don't think I can do it!"

" _Nonsense,_ Ron," Hermione reached into the picnic basket and poured herself and Ron some cocoa as the two sat on the blanket, properly joining Harry. "you can do it. I may not know much about Quidditch, but I know that Angelina would not have let you on the team if she felt that you were incapable of laying the role that you need to." she took a sip of the heated beverage primly.

"Long winded answers aside..." Harry paused as he stuffed his mouth with another biscuit. "Hermione's right. Angelina's almost as bad as Wood and we both know they'd never tolerate substandard players. Or players who buy their way onto the team." he thought of Malfoy briefly, before shaking his head to clear it of the unpleasant topic.

"Yeah, well, perhaps she made a mistake with me..." Ron took a tentative sip of his drink before speaking again. "It's useless. I don't know how you do it at all, Harry..."

"I've endured much worse," Harry spoke matter-of-factly. "so Quidditch taunts really aren't that much in the grand scheme of things." he shrugged.

Ron and Hermione shared a look.

"Well for those of us who haven't had the displeasure of encountering You-Know-Who, this is just terrible." Ron swallowed the rest of his cocoa in one gulp.

"Well it's something you're going to have to get over quickly, seeing as the match is tomorrow..." Hermione spoke flatly, before reaching for a sandwich.

"Kill me, Harry." Ron moaned. "Just murder me right now..."

"I don't think the Ministry would take very kindly to me committing murder, especially with its views on me and my sanity right now..." Harry muttered darkly. "How about we just murder the Slytherins tomorrow? Figuratively, of course. It wouldn't do for the Ministry to try to send me to Azkaban. They're not worth going to prison for anyway."

"You're right about that one at least..." Ron murmured.

"Let's finish up here quickly. If we do, we'll have time to tackle a bit of homework before dinner." Hermione wiped a spot of sauce off the corner of Ron's mouth,, then returned to her own snack.

"Great." Ron rolled his eyes. "Just what we need. _More_ stress."

* * *

"Ron, eat some breakfast, dammit!" Harry exclaimed as he put some bacon and toast on Ron's plate at breakfast the following morning.

"I'm not hungry..." Ron moaned, looking quite green.

"Great." Harry slammed his hands down on the table. "Just what we need. Of all times for you not to be hungry, you chose today?! You need something in you to play well!"

Ron hesitantly took some of the food and ate it.

"Food or not, I don't think-" he said before Harry cut him off.

"Don't think." Harry insisted. "Eat. Play. Kick the Slytherins' arses or so _Merlin save us both from Angelina's wrath!_ "

Ron made a considerable effort to eat after that, especially when he spotted Angelina entering the Great Hall for her own breakfast, looking downright determined to win her first match as Gryffindor Captain.

* * *

Harry was beyond pissed, and so were Fred and George.

Banned.

The three of them were banned.

From Quidditch.

They knew sooner or later that Umbridge would try to take even more fun out of Hogwarts for them, but to give him a lifetime ban, just for giving Malfoy a proper beating which he _deserved?_

And the ban was actually upheld?!

And _especially_ for Fred, who hadn't actually done anything?!

He seethed as he walked the corridors, quite intent on going to the Room of Requirement and letting loose some rage on some dummies that resembled a person he had actually come to hate in his school life even more than Draco Malfoy.

Students who were out and about in the corridors and saw him, scrambled to get out of his way as the look on his face probably resembled the deepest, darkest pits of rage.

As he were a Basilisk, who could kill them with a single look.

As he walked past an empty classroom, the door opened and he was suddenly yanked inside.

Firing off a hex before he realised who it was, Harry looked around for who pulled him in.

"Probably was a mistake to pull you in like that, seeing the mood you've been in all week, but we need to talk..." Fred spoke, looking grim.

"Powerful hex though," George remarked casually, glancing at the sizzling scorch mark in the wall just behind him. "you might just have to teach it to us in the DA someday."

"Forget about the DA right now," Harry snapped. "What do you think you're playing at, _just snatching me out of the corridor like that?_ "

"Umbridge needs to pay," George said simply. "She can't be allowed to get away with the Quidditch ban on us."

"Well she has, hasn't she?" Harry spoke bitterly. "They allowed it to go through and we're already been replaced on the team."

"Delightful people and players though they may be- and Ginny was a bit of a surprise there," Fred said. "they're not us. It's not the same. We might not be able to play Quidditch again while at Hogwarts- and I suspect she'd try to keep us from playing professionally as well if we wanted, we need to make her life here _hell on Earth._ " he looked downright frightening as he spoke.

"Even more than we already have?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"So much more than that, Harry." George nodded.

"Thinking of that woman... with my broom... _our_ brooms, if she hasn't already destroyed them.." Harry seethed.

"Perish the thought, Harry. _Perish the thought!_ " the twins looked alarmed, evidently not considering that consequence.

 _"I..."_

An idea suddenly came to Harry, a devious smile spreading across his face.

"I have a plan, gentlemen. I cannot let you in on all of the details of this plan, but when it's done, it's going to be more savage than the little trick I pulled with the Blood Quills."

Anyone passing by that corridor at that time would have quickly hurried away from that door when they heard the evil sounding laughter coming from behind it.

* * *

In Umbridge's office at the same time, which was still in its redecorated state (much to her ire and the other professors' amusement), she sat, drinking her favourite tea and looking extremely smug at her latest attempt to bring Potter under her control.

All of a sudden, the teacup dropped from her hands, spilling hot tea all over them, the burning feeling of which was ignored due to the chilling feeling of impending doom that just filled her.


	12. Chapter 12

Harry sat at the Gryffindor Table, eating his breakfast with a stony look on his face.

Ever since Umbridge had banned him and the Weasley twins from Quidditch as well as confiscated their brooms, she'd been trying to goad them into doing something to earn more detentions with her.

However, he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

Not that he would have gone, even if he _did_ earn a detention...

Nobody had tried to mess with him since that incident.

Not even Malfoy and his troglodyte minions...

Who had to get their own dosage of revenge headed their way. He hadn't forgotten about them. Oh no. _Not in the slightest..._

 _"Harry...?"_ Hermione sounded especially concerned when she put her hand on his shoulder. "Are you feeling okay?"

"A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M...is for murder, _which is on my mind right now!_ " Harry stabbed his French toast viciously.

"Remember, Harry. You're the one who said that you weren't going to murder them since they're not worth going to prison for..." Hermione reminded him.

"Yes, well," Harry took a particularly ferocious bite of his breakfast, enough to bend the fork slightly. _"perhaps I've changed my mind."_

Hermione sighed. "Murder isn't going to get you anywhere. That's what Voldemort does. Murders people simply because he doesn't like them or they're in this way. Don't be like Voldemort. That would be a very, _very_ bad thing."

Harry glared at her, even more upset that she would ever compare him to the wizard that had caused every single problem in his life whether directly or indirectly.

"And I have the feeling that you would be even more terrifying than him if you ever went dark, so please do us all a favour and never go dark." Hermione took a sip of her tea quite calmly, not letting the look Harry was giving her bother her.

"You know it's true, mate." Ron piped up.

When Harry directed his glare at him, Ron drew away from him, going closer to Hermione, the girl rolling her eyes at this byplay.

 _"I need to get back at her for her latest travesty, but how?"_ Harry briefly glanced up at the Staff Table, getting even more upset when he saw Umbridge looking far more happy than she deserved to be. _"Not only do I want to get my broom- and the twins' as well- back from her evil grasp, I need to make her pay..."_

He looked away to see a fellow Gryffindor down the table taking a small vial of some sort of potion- medicine of some sort, he supposed... and then his mind wandered off.

Potions had played a highly important role in his successful campaign to get Umbridge to stop using Blood Quills.

He'd used the potions so he wouldn't feel pain from them...

He'd seen those potions in a catalogue in the Hospital Wing...

He'd gotten Dobby to order them for him.

He'd gotten Dobby to order them for him...

 _Dobby..._

If Harry had been in a movie, ominous music would have accompanied his laughter as his ideas for revenge began to solidify.

His fellow Gryffindors- even Hermione, who was rarely bothered by his antics these days- found themselves moving away from him.

* * *

Harry was alone in the Room of Requirement, brooding as he sat in a plush armchair, his head propped up with one arm, which was in turn propped up on the armrest, as he stared out of the window he asked the Room to provide for him.

His idea... he really wanted to do it, but he suspected that Umbridge wouldn't make her office or private quarters as easily accessible as they were before and if the brooms were where he suspected that they were, it wasn't going to be that easy getting to them.

Dobby might just be able to help.

While he worked for the school, Umbridge didn't know that Dobby's loyalty was primarily to him.

He didn't want to rely on his help for everything, though and he certainly didn't want to get him in trouble...

He shook his head to clear it and made up his mind.

 _"Dobby!"_

With a loud crack, the elf appeared right next to Harry's chair, startling him right out of it as he tumbled over the other side.

"Harry Potter be calling Dobby?" Dobby looked over the side of the chair, taking in the sight of a flustered Harry picking himself up off the ground.

Harry took a few seconds to compose himself.

"Right then." Harry took a deep breath before continuing. "As it happens, Dobby, I did call you. I remembered how well you helped me in obtaining the potions I needed and I've come up with another task for you to help me with- that is, if you can. You will, of course be compensated for your efforts."

"Dobby will do anything for Harry Potter, sir! He will throw himself off the highest tower of Hogwarts if Harry Potter asked him, he will!"

"Yes, well," Harry stopped him before the elf could veer off into his usual adoration and praise. "there's no need for that. I just need to know: can you find something for me? A few things, actually. They're in the school somewhere and I'm not exactly sure where."

"Dobby knows every part of this school, he does! What does Harry Potter want Dobby to find?" Dobby asked eagerly.

"Okay, Dobby. Here's the situation: the last Quidditch match that I played, something happened..."

As Harry explained, Dobby paid close attention to every single word.

"...so, that's the story. Can you help me find the brooms? I think Umbridge has them somewhere in the castle, likely in her personal domain so that she could keep an eye on them, but I'm not sure and I don't want to risk mucking about in there without knowing for sure that they _are_ there."

Dobby nodded fervently. "Dobby understands, he does! Dobby can go find brooms for Harry Potter and his twin Wheezies!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Great." Harry chuckled. "I don't want you to do it in any way that she or anyone else can find out that you or I had anything to do with it. She'll suspect me for sure, but I don't want her to have any solid proof that I had any hand in it. Understood?"

"Yes, Harry Potter, yes! Dobby can do it!" Dobby was practically bouncing up and down on his heels. "Dobby will help make the toad witch pay for hurting Harry Potter and his friends, and stealing their property too!"

"Fantastic! Also, I suspect... no, I _know_ that she'll try to interrogate me about it once it's done. So if you can obtain some Veritaserum antidote for me as well..."

"Dobby can! The place where Dobby got Harry Potter's last set of potions sells things like that, though Dobby does not like the stores in Knockturn Alley. _No, he does not..._ " Dobby looked a bit downcast at that.

Harry knelt down and put a hand on the elf's shoulder.

"If you don't think you can do it, I won't force you, Dobby." Harry reassured him.

 _"No, no! Dobby will do it!"_ Dobby insisted.

Harry nodded. "You can get to work on that now. Here's the funds for the potions, by the way..." he handed the elf a small money bag.

"Dobby will go complete his task now!"

With a little salute, the elf disappeared.

Harry got back into his chair and relaxed, chuckling at the thought of the look he imagined on Umbridge's face when she realised that she had been out-manoeuvred.

* * *

"How did you do this?!" Fred demanded of Harry, as he and his twin met the younger boy in the Room of Requirement some time later.

Harry held out their brooms to them, with his own Firebolt resting on a table somewhere behind him.

"I have my ways." Harry spoke elusively.

"I'm telling you, Fred. We made the right choice in choosing Harry was our apprentice in mischief and mayhem." George took his broom from Harry as if he couldn't quite believe that it was real.

"Now, we won't be able to use them in the open, obviously," Harry reminded them. "but it's enough for now to know that they're safe from her foul clutches."

"Better than nothing," Fred agreed.

"I don't think it's even safe to keep them here, since someone could stumble onto this room at any time and possibly find them. I'll make sure they're hidden away properly and if you want them back for something, let me know in advance."

"What are you going to do when she finds out that the brooms are gone?" George asked.

"Don't you worry, gentlemen. I've got that covered..." Harry chuckled. "I've _definitely_ got that covered..."

Fred and George shared a look.

"Don't think that you alone can have all the fun!"

"We want in!"

" _No,_ you two." Harry spoke firmly. " _I'll_ handle the broom issue. You two are, of course, free to spread your own special brand of mischief and mayhem otherwise. This fight is _mine._ "

Fred and George shared another look.

"Fine," George spoke finally after a few moments of silence.

"We won't interfere with this particular venture of yours." Fred agreed.

"Don't worry about it. I'll make sure to let you know about the full aftermath." Harry checked his watch.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get some dinner. I don't know about you two, but _I'm_ hungry."

With those words, Harry left the twins behind and made his way down to dinner.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry was sitting under a tree by the lake the next afternoon, calmly reading 1001 Everyday Charms, when Dennis came running up to him, huffing and puffing.

 _"Ha..."_ Dennis wheezed. _"...Harry, Umbridge. Warpath. Something about brooms. Looking for you..."_

"Ah," said Harry, nodding calmly, remaining in his relaxed position. "I was expecting this. Thank you for informing me, Dennis. How's Colin doing, by the way?"

"He's fine, but _Umbridge!_ "

"Don't worry! I've got it covered! Now go away! I don't want her to see you with me!"

Dennis nodded, running off in a panic.

Harry got to his feet, grabbing the pack of Walkers crisps he'd had next to him and tucked the book under his arm.

Walking calmly back to the castle as he finished the snack, he pulled a vial out of his pocket and downed the contents before crossing the threshold.

"She's looking for me, isn't she? Took her long enough to figure out that the damn brooms were gone..." Harry chuckled. "Well, she certainly won't be getting any answers out of me if she tries anything..."

He was in the general area of the library by the time she finally found him.

 _"You..."_ Umbridge seethed, a swelling spot blooming on her temple. "Go to my office. Right now."

"No bloody way in hell," Harry objected flatly. "I said that I wasn't going to ever set foot in your office ever again, remember? Does it look like it did since it got its new look by the way?"

 _"Yes."_ Umbridge answered sourly. "That is not the issue here, however. An..." Umbridge looked around to see curious students stopping to enjoy the latest confrontation.

Harry could see her visibly putting in an effort to calm herself down.

"...an issue has come up that I want to talk to you about." she finished.

"If I'm going to be interviewed by you, I want an attorney present. I'm not about to let the farce that was my summer 'trial' repeat itself." Harry remained firm.

Umbridge looked as if she was biting back a retort. "That won't be necessary, Potter."

Harry raised an eyebrow as he folded his arms across his chest. _"Really."_

He looked around, catching Hermione's eye in the crowd.

He winked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I'll grace your office with my presence, just this once. My presence will probably make the office much more good looking anyway." Harry practically skipped away, tossing his book to Hermione, who caught it with one hand, but not before it nearly hit the girl standing in front of her, who ducked rapidly.

 _"I swear to Merlin, help that boy!"_ Hermione exclaimed as she threw her hands into the air in exasperation and went back into the library.

* * *

Harry bit back a laugh when he entered Umbridge's office and saw it looking the same way that it had before.

"Have a seat, Potter." Umbridge instructed him as she went over to the cupboard where she kept her teabags and biscuits.

 _"I knew it!"_ Harry thought, as he saw her fixing a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits.

The spells that were put on them when he and the others had redecorated would have worn off by now or she would have bought an entirely new set, so they would be safe to eat and drink.

Well, aside from the Veritaserum that Umbridge thought he couldn't see her putting into one of the cups, just because her back was turned, that is...

"Here, Potter. Have some tea." Umbridge handed him a cup and a plate of a mixed variety of biscuits.

Harry picked a shortbread one and munched on it happily.

"Go on, Mr Potter. Drink up. It's one of the best teas anyone can find in Great Britain. In fact, it's even the Minister's favourite kind!" Umbridge did her best to look and sound friendly and welcoming, which Harry could easily see through.

Harry made a show of drinking the tea in one gulp, all the while looking the toad woman directly into the eyes as he did, setting the cup down on her desk.

"There, there... _Now,_ I called you up here because I wanted to have a discussion with you about a few things happening in this school recently..."

 _Here we go._

Harry laughed mentally.

Oh, the answers he was about to give her...

"Do you know where the brooms of both yourself and the Weasley twins are kept since they were confiscated?" she asked him.

Harry felt the Vertiaserum antidote doing its work, pushing back the compulsion that Veritaserum was doing to make him answer truthfully.

"No." Harry answered, truthfully.

He really didn't know where they were kept, after all.

 _Dobby_ did, but he didn't...

A brief flash of disappointment passed over her face.

"I see... Then you wouldn't happen to know that they disappeared from their storage space sometime between last night and this morning?"

"No, professor! What could have happened to them?" Harry exclaimed. "I've had my broom for nearly two years and it's the best on the market right now! I would have hoped that you at least secured them properly!"

"You don't know where they went then?" Umbridge asked. "Or, perhaps, what the brooms did to me before they disappeared?" she pointed to the swelling on her temple.

"No, but it looks like they did a bit of a number on you before they flew off." Harry chuckled. "I wonder how they did that, anyway. I would have loved to see it!"

"You think this is funny, don't you?" Umbridge growled.

"Pretty hilarious, yes." Harry shrugged, chuckling some more at her expression. "Considering all the other stunts you've pulled, that should be the least of your worries, getting a few whacks over the head with some brooms."

Umbridge sighed. "The brooms somehow liberated themselves of their chains, _attacked me_ and then disappeared! If you didn't do it, then do you know anyone who could have?"

"I didn't do it and I don't know who could have." Harry answered. " _Anyone_ could have. People upset at you for expelling me from the Gryffindor Quidditch team," he counted those off on his fingers.

"...people who just flat out don't like you- and there are _a lot_ of those at Hogwarts, by the way... I'm only sorry that the brooms didn't give you even more of a beating than you've apparently already gotten. It sounds like an absolutely _brilliant_ bit of Charms work!"

Umbridge took a deep breath and sipped some tea in an effort to calm herself down.

"So, just to be clear, you don't know anything about this incident or who could have had a hand in it?" she asked hopefully.

"I don't know anything about it, aside from what you just told me. I wish I did though, so I could tip them off that you're looking for them. _Such brilliance..._ it would have made my father and his friends proud..." Harry wiped away a fake tear. "hell, even Fred and George would have enjoyed that show!"

A calculating expression appeared on her face and Harry immediately knew that it would probably be wise to tip them off that she was coming for them next and pass them some anti Veritaserum of their own.

Umbridge rubbed her forehead, no doubt in a vain attempt to stave off the impending headache.

She sighed.

"Very well, Potter. You may go. If you head down to the Great Hall now, you'll just make it in time for the start of dinner..." Umbridge waved him off, at which Harry practically leapt out of his chair and skipped out of the room.

* * *

"You... you are absolutely bloody brilliant." Fred laughed when Harry finished telling him, George and Lee what had happened as they huddled in a corner of the Common Room after dinner that evening.

"I do not regret the decision that we made to let you join us in our escapades at all," George chortled. "You've more than proven yourself worthy!"

"You know, you should consider turning the tables on her some day. She wanted to dose you up to the gills with Veritaserum, so why don't you do it to her?" Lee suggested.

"Great minds think alike, my friend!" Harry exclaimed. "I won't be doing it yet, though. I want to wait for a time where it will have maximum impact. Preferably on a school day. Is there a day that we _all_ have her farce of a class?"

"I think so, why?" Lee asked.

"Well, wouldn't you want to test the effects of Veritaserum out too?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

The four boys shared a look, then burst out cackling, drawing stares from the others in the room, especially Hermione, who had been making an attempt at some pre-bed studying.

"Speaking of that," Harry wiped away his tears of laughter. "she might try to pull the same stunt on you lot too. Here's some stuff to help you out with that..."

He covertly slipped two vials of antidote into the other three boys' hands.

"Keep them on you at all times. You never know when she'll try anything, after all." he instructed them.

"Right," Lee nodded.

"So... that's all I had to say. Do what you will!" Harry waved to them as he walked over to Hermione and sat on an armchair next to her chosen working area.

"Do I want to know what you four were over there laughing about?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

 _"Nope!"_ Harry exclaimed cheerfully.

"Alright then. I'll leave it at that." Hermione returned to her work, leaving Harry to relax in the chair and think about his further plans for mischief.


	14. Chapter 14

"You okay, mate?" Ron asked Harry, concerned for his friend as they made their way out of yet another farce of a Defence Against the Dark Arts class that day.

"I'm fine, Ron." Harry shrugged. "Absolutely fine. I'm not about to let She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ruin my generally good mood. Nope. That would be letting her win. Besides, the term is basically almost over, so I've learnt how to push her buttons whenever I want to and not let her get to me by now."

"That's true, I suppose. Can't let her get to you... I only wish I had your skills to do what you're doing and not leave any proof behind..." Ron admitted.

"You have your own talents, Ron. You just have to find them." Harry patted Ron's shoulder reassuringly.

"Like what? Eating?"

"That counts. There are such things as eating contests, you know. I don't know about how the magicals do it, but Muggles have them at fairs and amusement parks quite often. They win prizes and such for participating too."

"Witches and wizards do have those kinds of things too, but I haven't been to one in ages. Maybe someday..." Ron looked lost in thought for a moment.

"That's it, Ron. Put that super stomach for good use." Harry joked.

Ron laughed. "You bloody bet that I will!"

"I could do with a snack before dinner anyway. What do you say to splitting a few of the Muggle snacks that I ordered, then getting started on a bit of homework?" Harry suggested.

Ron stared at him. "I'm with you on the snacking part. I'd love to try some of those Muggle snacks I've seen you wondering about with, but homework? Who are you? _Hermione?!_ "

At the mention of her name, Hermione seemed to pop out of nowhere from behind them, startling them.

"I heard my name," she looked between the two boys suspiciously. "what were you talking about?"

"Food," Ron answered.

"Homework," Harry answered.

Hermione folded her arms and raised an eyebrow at them.

 _"You know, Hermione,"_ Harry adapted such a saccharine voice, that it had Ron doing a double take and looking around to see if Umbridge was nearby. "you seem a bit on edge lately since I started my campaign against the _other_ You-Know-Who..."

 _"Who in their right mind wouldn't be?"_ Hermione muttered.

"Ron and I were about to head up and do a bit of homework..."

Both Ron _and_ Hermione looked at Harry incredulously.

"...and munch on a few of the snacks I had ordered before dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"You'll ruin your appetite for dinner though..." Hermione glanced at Ron. "...well, perhaps not Ron, but you..."

Harry waved a hand dismissively. "Our appetites will be fine. I just wanted to look over the work they gave us anyway. Get like a basic handle on how I want to do it, not actually doing it straight away as you so often fancy doing."

Hermione continued to look at him incredulously.

Harry rolled his eyes as he finally took his arm from around her shoulder.

"Education is important, isn't it? _Especially_ with _him_ back. I need to know all I can to prepare. Plus it also helps that if I do really well in all my exams, it's another way of sticking it to the Ministry- proving that I am _not_ in fact, an insane, unintelligent waste of life."

"Trust you to find a way to make studying more a way to stick it to the Ministry..." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"That's what..." Ron looked around them and saw neither portrait, person or ghost nearby. "...that's kind of what we're doing with the DA, aren't we?"

"Well, you do have a point there..." Hermione admitted.

"Excellent!" Harry exclaimed.

"So, what were you planning on tackling first?" Hermione asked.

"I was thinking Potions this time. I just keep imagining the gloriously hilarious look on Snape's face when I come back to haunt him in the NEWT class with an O in the subject."

"I don't know why you'd want to spend any more time than necessary with Snape, even if you got the highest grade in the subject." Ron looked truly perturbed by the idea.

"He hates me and while I don't enjoy his company either, having to see my handsome face in his classes for another two years would probably be like a fate worse than hell for him." Harry shrugged.

Ron and Hermione looked at one another, but said nothing.

* * *

Harry had just finished up his review session with Ron and Hermione when Fred approached him.

"Hey, Harry. George and I would like to have a little conversation with you before you go down to dinner.

"What _kind_ of conversation?" Ron raised an eyebrow at his older brother, rightly suspicious.

"Did I ask you anything?" Fred raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure I didn't, so you can go sod off."

Harry sighed. "Do you _have_ to antagonise poor Ron like that? I'm sure it isn't healthy for him."

"You'd think he'd be used to it by now, having grown up with the likes of George and myself..." Fred shrugged, indifferent.

"Let's go before Ron turns into a tomato." Harry eyed Ron, who was slowly starting to turn red.

Fred chortled as he and Harry walked off.

* * *

"So... you want to do a full day of torment on the entirety of Slytherin House tomorrow and just wanted to give me the heads up in case any of my plans clashed with yours?" Harry raised an eyebrow once Fred and George had gotten him alone in their dorm.

"That's right!" George exclaimed cheerfully.

"Now I don't care for the Slytherins as a whole, but you're going to prank the lot of them because of the actions of their Quidditch team? Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"It's nothing that they don't deserve. If they're not _on_ the team, then they _support_ the team and all that they do. We've lulled them into a false sense of security these past couple of weeks. To think... they think that we've forgotten about their part in getting banned from Quidditch. _Oh no. No we most certainly have not..._ " Fred's expression got significantly more sinister as he spoke.

"That is true..." Harry nodded, looking deeply in thought.

"Plus, we did a little digging and found out that Umbridge was a Slytherin herself."

"We're not surprised at all."

 _"Umbridge?"_ Harry perked up. "You say that Umbridge was a Slytherin when she was at Hogwarts?"

"Oh she was. She was, my good friend! And there's nothing against our rules that says that we don't prank staff members as well!" George exclaimed.

 _"SOLD!"_ Harry exclaimed. "You've got me sold on the idea! This means you're going to be pranking _Snape_ too! Oh, this is going to be so much fun to watch..."

"And all you have to do, Harry..." Fred put an arm around his shoulder.

"...is sit back and watch. We're the Masters of Mischief. The Princes of Pranks. The Lords of Laugher." George put his arm around Harry's other shoulder.

"Lords of Laughter sounds like a much better title than a certain _other_ Lord in my life..." Harry chuckled.

"As it should, my dear chap. Our pranks won't kill or seriously maim you."

"Embarrass you yes, but never _truly_ harm."

"Despite what most of the school thinks of us, we're not really evil. We just enjoy entertaining ourselves at the expense of others."

"So..." Harry wrenched himself from the twins' grips. "...when do you plan on getting started?"

"Tonight, actually." Fred said.

"So you'll want to sit so you can get a proper view of the Slytherin table." George added.

Harry nodded. "I'll be sure to guide Ron and Hermione towards the show as well."

"Great!"

"See you at dinner!"

With that, Fred and George left the room, Harry following shortly afterwards, only to find Ron and Hermione waiting for him.

Brushing off their questions, Harry simply said: "Let's get down to dinner, shall we? I'm bloody _starved..._ "


	15. Chapter 15

Fred and George huddled in a corner just outside the Entrance Hall, whispering to one another.

"Remember the deal. As much as most of the school- even our fellow Gryffindors, think we're heartless, we're not." Fred said.

"So nothing to cause mental breakdowns, but we're certainly going to be making nuisances of ourselves for a bit." George grinned.

" _Especially_ for the ones actually on the Slytherin Quidditch team- and the ones going out of their way to be unpleasant…" Fred nodded in agreement.

"Agreed. So… are you ready to enjoy the show, brother?"

"I am indeed!"

"So, let's get going!"

* * *

Harry sat on the side of the Gryffindor table closest to the wall and thus, the side from which he could see the Slytherin table.

Ron and Hermione sat on either side of him and immediately began to serve themselves, Ron with the gusto of a man who hadn't eaten in a week, despite having had his fill of snacks less than an hour before.

Harry casually helped himself to some pork chops, mashed potatoes, gravy and various kinds of vegetables, eating quite calmly as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Hermione, having developed a healthy sense of paranoia by now, took Harry's calmness as a sign that he was up to something, especially considering the fact that Fred and George had pulled him aside before they came down to dinner.

You simply couldn't predict Harry's behaviour these days.

Harry being this calm these days was usually the result of either some sort of scheme of his about to come to fruition or that he knew of someone's else's schemes about to come to fruition.

Either of those meant impending doom for the current subject of his ire.

Several seats down from her on the Gryffindor table, Fred and George had just arrived with Lee and their dorm mates, seemingly in good spirits.

That in itself wasn't unusual, but these days when the twins were on the warpath almost every day…

Hermione surreptitiously glanced up at Umbridge, who had just arrived and sat down to partake in her own dinner.

She looked at Harry, who paused in his eating to wink at her.

She was right.

Something was definitely going to happen soon.

Just as she did every time that she figured out that Harry was up to something, she sincerely wished that she wouldn't be dragged into it.

Although, judging by their track record in the past four years, that wish was not going to be granted.

She just hoped that Fate would be kind enough not to involve her _too_ much this time.

* * *

It was some time later before the first signs of trouble began to make themselves known.

It seemed as if everyone had come to dinner that evening, students and staff alike.

Except for 'Professor' Trelawney, but she did not matter in the grand scheme of things.

The main course food was still out, though it was beginning to wind down.

People were chatting happily with their friends- some simultaneously as Colin proved, somehow miraculously not spitting out food all over his friends as he chatted excitedly about something, complete with very animated hand motions.

Parvati and Lavender were having a whispered conversation, looking up every once in a while, and giggling.

Angelina, Alicia and Katie were going over some Quidditch related magazine that Angelina had propped against a tureen in front of her, the other two on either side of her, getting into some light-hearted debate about the topic at hand.

Over at the Hufflepuff table, Ernie and Justin were arguing over something that was apparently amusing Susan and Hannah as they both were laughing at the boys. Zacharias, who was seated nearby, looked at the argument and rolled his eyes, looking as if he couldn't be bothered with any of it at all.

At the Ravenclaw table, Anthony and Padma had what looked like an Arithmancy book flat on the table between them and were discussing its contents. Cho and Marietta actually looked cheerful for once as they laughed at something that a few random first years down the table were doing and Luna was reading a magazine with some sort of creature on the front in a language that appeared to be Swedish at first glance.

Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table…

Pansy was sitting with some other girls, cackling and likely gossiping about some unfortunate person, Zabini and Nott were having what looked like a polite conversation and Malfoy was scolding Crabbe and Goyle about their lack of table manners.

All in all, a normal evening at Hogwarts, with everyone enjoying their dinner.

Until it happened.

Puffs of green and silver smoke erupted up and down the Slytherin table, eliciting several startled screams from the serpentine house.

Everyone, other students and staff members alike, turned to the source of the confusion.

When the smoke cleared away, all of the Slytherins had changed colour.

All them had skin that was emerald green and their hair was a bright silver that seemed to glow.

"What the bloody hell is this?!" Malfoy's voice was heard screaming over the din.

Harry watched all of this calmly as he sipped on a glass of orange juice, finished that, then refilled his glass with pumpkin juice.

Ron was cracking up with laughter and even Hermione couldn't hide her amusement, although she wasn't as raucous about it as many of her fellow Gryffindors were.

Several of the Slytherins were looking rather distressed at their sudden makeover, but there were also many of them who seemed to take it in stride.

A few of the first and second year students actually got up and began walking along the space between their table and the wall, as if they were the hottest models on the catwalk, drawing cheers and laughter from their peers and a few of the older students nearer to them.

Harry was pleased to note that Pansy, having retrieved a mirror from her pocket and having gotten the time to take in her appearance, was completely and utterly horrified by it.

A few seconds later and the Slytherin Quidditch team members in particular started sporting some… unusual hairstyles.

When Harry saw the look on Malfoy's face when he noticed his new hairstyle (something that looked akin to a giant series of Quidditch goal posts, he finally burst out into a series of hearty guffaws.

Crabbe's hair looked like a giant fish and Goyle's looked like a gorilla.

Upon seeing that, Harry turned to look at Ron, they both met each other's gazes and burst out into further peals of laughter.

Dumbledore, McGonagall and Umbridge hurried down from the Staff Table to investigate the commotion and as soon as Umbridge was within a metre of the table, she erupted into a cloud of green and silver smoke as well.

Harry actually fell off the bench with his laughter this time.

Umbridge's skin became striped green and silver instead of being one solid colour, she had warts on her face and her hair, which was silver at the roots, but green otherwise, had somehow been styled into the shape of a frog.

Harry wasn't the only one to fall off his seat at the sight.

The Creevey brothers had rolled off the bench and were clinging to each other as they laughed until they cried, over at the Hufflepuff table, Susan had laughed so much that she rolled off the bench- but not before holding on to a subsequently unamused Hannah in an effort to steady herself.

With the Ravenclaws, Harry saw a few students that he didn't recognise screaming as they fell off the benches with too much laughter.

"WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR TH- _RIBBIT!_ "

"WHAT IS TH- _RIBBIT!_ "

When Umbridge tried to speak, even those who were normally quite reserved in public burst out into very unreserved laughter.

Harry managed to recover from his laughter enough to stand up and look across the room, to see even some of the more reserved Slytherins laughing.

He started laughing again and only stopped when he started wheezing from all of the laughter.

He managed to walk over to where Fred and George were, even as he recovered.

"This…" Harry wiped away his tears of laughter. "…this is amazing. I can't wait to tell Padfoot about this. _Everything_. I can't write about it because the pink… well, now green and silver… toad is spying on the mail, though…"

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry spotted Colin recovering enough to pull his camera out of a bag on the bench and begin taking pictures of the mayhem.

He'd have to get in touch with him later about obtaining some of those pictures.

"Well, Harry…" Fred put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "…tales like this are best told in person."

"And to think…" George popped up on Harry's other side. "…that this is just the beginning of the Day of Annoyance- although for certain select members of the green-clad house, it's going to be more than an annoyance…"

"We've got to do a Christmas themed one before we go." Harry said. "It's only a few more weeks before we go off on that break, after all..."

"We were thinking the same thing, Harry." George said.

"Indeed we were, George. We need to spread a little holiday cheer before we depart." Fred agreed.

"I'm going to be in on this one though. Nothing you say will persuade me otherwise!" Harry declared.

"Ah, my dear friend. We would expect nothing less of you these days. You've become a lot more fun since you decided to join the mischief maker ranks." George grinned.

A large bang like a giant firecracker going off sounded off in the Great Hall, startling all of the students, both those who were amused and those who were not.

"Students…" Dumbeldore's voice was actually stern. "Due to this little interruption, you will continue your dinner in your respective House dormitories. Yes, you will be able to finish this course. _Yes, you will still have your dessert…_ " he added the last part when he noticed certain students looking at him with great apprehension.

They cheered, Luna amongst them.

"You will have to leave the hall for us to investigate, seeing as the disturbance occurred here. Slytherins…" Dumbledore side-eyed a seething Umbridge "…including any _former_ Slytherin students that may also have been affected, please remain behind. You too will be sent on to continue your meal in time, don't you worry about that."

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way up to Gryffindor Tower together.

"You didn't do it?" Ron asked.

"I didn't." Harry said.

"Was it my brothers?"

"Who else do you think it could be?" Harry retorted.

Ron rolled his eyes. "The Giant Squid perhaps. I wasn't sure." he retorted.

When they got inside the Tower, several Gryffindors were already there, waiting for the rest of the dinner to be delivered to them, chatting excitedly about the prank they had just witnessed.

"That was so cool!" one First Year boy exclaimed excitedly to his friend, who nodded in agreement.

" _It was!_ Just the kind of entertainment I need with my dinner!" his friend replied.

More students were still arriving as the rest of dinner popped into existence on the various tables that occupied the Common Room.

Colin and Dennis were amongst them, the former practically skipping through the portrait hole with his bag in hand.

Colin managed to pull Harry aside.

"I saw you aside with the Weasley twins, looking like you were planning something, so I brought my camera with me, just in case you had any hilarious memories that needed preserving."

"And _did_ you get those hilarious memories preserved?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I did. _I certainly did._ " Colin chuckled.

"Have you ever considered selling your pictures?" Harry suggested.

 _"No..."_ Colin trailed off for a moment, as if in thought. _"Perhaps I should..."_

"Please do. Share the laughs." Harry clapped him on the back, before going to retrieve a plate of food and continuing to eat.

When the dessert came up, Hermione and Ron joined him.

"That was amazing." Ron spoke through mouthfuls of cream puffs.

"They're not done yet," Harry pointed out. "this is just the start."

"If that's just the start," Hermione paused to take a bite of her apple tart. "then I'm not sure I want to know what the finish will be like..."

"Too bad for you, Hermione." Harry paused to savour a bite of treacle tart. "Too bad for you..."


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning as everyone gathered in the Great Hall for breakfast, it was to see that none of the Slytherins had regained their natural appearances as yet.

Still looking as green and silver as the trimming of their robes, they sat down to breakfast, looking as dignified as they possibly could, considering their current colour scheme.

While some of them had somehow managed to tame the effects, they were still coloured oddly, but notably, all the Quidditch team members still looked exactly as they did the night before.

Several people from the other Houses were snickering at them, the hilarity of their reactions on the previous night still fresh on their minds.

Most people, a few Slytherins and non-Slytherins alike, were giggling when Malfoy entered the Great Hall, still looking as he did the night before.

Non-Slytherins because he thought of as a nuisance at best by many of them and Slytherins because he was just as much of a nuisance to them sometimes, only they had to put up with him the most, since he was one of theirs.

Either way, there were several people pleased at Malfoy's show of distress.

The novelty however, had worn off for most of the Slytherins and while they were not overly distressed, they were still rather annoyed.

As Harry entered the Great Hall with Ron and Hermione, he heard a pair of Slytherin girls he vaguely recognised as being from their year complaining about their hair not going back to normal, despite their best efforts.

Harry and Ron snickered, drawing glares from the girls as the small crowd they were all a part of, separated to head to their respective House tables.

"They can glare at me all they like. Doesn't change the fact that they're the ones looking like something that somebody who is tripping out on their hallucinogen of choice would see..." Harry shrugged, indifferent.

Ron snorted.

Parvati and Lavender, who were just behind them, glanced over at the Slytherins and giggled.

"Hey, Potter!" Lavender called out.

Harry turned to her. "Yes?"

"You might be interested to hear that all Slytherins that were here yesterday. _All_ of them. Besides Umbridge, I heard that Professor Sinistra got turned. _And_ Professor Snape." Lavender chuckled.

"Professor _Snape_ you say?" Harry perked up. "That would actually be an improvement for him…"

"How do you know this?" Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Who are your sources?"

"I have a sister who is friendly with some of the Slytherins, in case you must know…" Parvati rolled her eyes.

Hermione rolled her eyes right back.

"Alright, Hermione. Let's go…" It was Ron of all people who steered her away from the Gryffindor gossip queens and towards the table.

Harry followed close behind them and ended up sitting between them.

Filling his plate with a pile of food that rivalled even Ron's, Harry began eating with great gusto.

Ron glanced at him between mouthfuls, actually paused to swallow and raised an eyebrow.

"What can I say?" Harry shrugged. "I'm hungry."

Ron ate another strip of bacon before commenting.

"Food eating contest?" he suggested.

At these words from Ron, Hermione sat up straighter and glared at the redhead.

Putting down the teacup that she'd been in the process of refilling with more force than was necessary, she spoke with a tone that would make military generals the world over proud.

Her tone drew attention from others nearby. " _No._ Don't you _dare._ "

"Why shouldn't we?" Harry stirred his tea idly, staring her down.

"Nobody here wants to see you stuff your faces like a pair of plebians and ruin our enjoyment of breakfast!"

Hermione drew more stares with her exclamation.

"Actually, Granger," a random sixth year boy a few seats up and across from her spoke up. "I would like to see that. It sounds quite entertaining."

"Not quite as entertaining as the surprise makeovers that the Slytherins got last night, but this could be fun," the girl sitting next to him chuckled.

"Are you two even for real?" Katie, who was sitting across from the girl, raised her eyebrow at them. "Are you really going to encourage two of the most infamous troublemakers in this school next only to Fred and George to get into even more trouble?"

"Fred and George own the top spot, I agree, but are you going to encourage Ron and Harry to go compete with them for it?!" Angelina asked incredulously.

" _We heard our names mentioned!"_ Fred exclaimed, popping out of seemingly nowhere.

" _Competition for our spot you say?"_ George appeared next to him.

" _Never going to happen!"_ they spoke in unison.

Hermione, Katie, Angelina and several others at the table face-palmed.

George squeezed in between Ron and Harry while Fred squeezed in on Harry's other side, next to Hermione.

"Hello, my bushy-haired lady friend. How are you?" Fred put an arm around Hermione's shoulder, only laughing when she shoved it off and told him where he could put said arm.

"Grouchy, grouchy, Granger…" Fred looked completely unbothered.

"Anybody would be grouchy if they had to keep those two in line…" Hermione muttered.

"Now you know what Alicia, Katie and I felt like all these years…" Angelina muttered.

"Hey! Ron! Eating contest! You up for it?" Harry reminded him.

"Hell yes!" Ron exclaimed.

"Fred and I will judge!" George exclaimed.

"But would you be able to be impartial?" the random sixth year boy from earlier asked, raising an eyebrow.

"When have you ever seen our brother get special treatment from us?" George raised an eyebrow right back at him.

"If anything, we'd be rooting for Harry!" Fred exclaimed.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, you two…" Ron rolled his eyes.

" _Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat!"_

Several of the nearby impatient Gryffindors started chanting.

Hermione got up and moved to sit as close as she could to the door in case she needed to make a quick escape.

"One, two, thr-"

BANG.

Screams erupted from the Slytherin table and every other one, but the Slytherins screamed the most, as the bang was loudest at their table.

"We forgot about that…" Fred looked over at the Slytherins, nonchalant, not sounding at all as if he had really forgotten.

"We'll have to take a rain check on that eating contest, boys. Sorry." George didn't look sorry in the slightest.

Glancing up at the Slytherins to see what the fuss was, Harry and Ron then looked at one another, shrugged and went back to eating as they had before.

As amused as they were by the Slytherins' torment, they _were_ hungry and needed to eat, after all.

When Harry and Ron looked up again, they saw the Slytherins now covered in glitter of various colours from head to toe.

Harry raised an eyebrow at George.

"What?" George shrugged. "We needed something that would be annoying, yet harmless."

"The glitter will fall off on its own eventually." Fred added.

"And we made sure to take special precautions in case it got into anyone's eyes or they breathed it in. As much as we have a rivalry with them, we're not looking to cause lasting harm..." George said.

"Plus there's the fact that if any of them got seriously hurt and they found out that it was us who did it... Azkaban isn't a very nice place, now is it?" Fred shuddered.

Harry chuckled as he watched Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle brush piles of lime green, electric blue and bright orange glitter off their heads.

"Glitter really does get everywhere, doesn't it?" he sipped his tea casually as he took in the entertainment.

* * *

 _I know we didn't actually see Umbridge in this chapter, but I can promise you that we'll see how she's doing in the next chapter._


	17. Chapter 17

Umbridge sat in her office, seething.

Whatever had affected all the Slytherins in the castle the night before was _still_ in full effect on her.

Her hair still looked atrocious, her skin was still a horrid combination of silver and green every few words that she spoke, an involuntary _ribbit_ or _croak_ slipped out.

She looked at herself morosely in the mirror and after a few seconds of this, her face contorted to a furious expression.

" _Potter,"_ she growled, frowning even more when an involuntary croak escaped her green, warty lips. "Potter had a hand in this. I know it!" she exclaimed, starting to pace up and down.

"He probably had those bloody Weasley twins help him with this too. They're a menace to proper Wizading society. _All three of them!_ "

She took a sip of tea from the teacup atop her desk in an effort to calm herself, but choked on the hot beverage when she ribbit-ed at the wrong moment, spilling the piping hot liquid down the front of her robes, leaving a dark brown stain which contrasted against the pink quite sharply and left her howling in pain.

"I'll get them. _I'll get them if it's the last thing I do!_ " she shook her fist to the ceiling.

* * *

As Harry was making his way to his first class that Monday morning (History of Magic) with Ron and Hermione close behind him, he suddenly burst out cackling.

" _Harry?"_ Hermione looked at him warily, as did Ron.

"You okay, mate?" Ron looked ready to run if necessary.

"Oh, I'm fine, Ron." Harry chuckled. "I'm _absolutely fine…_ "

"No, no you are not. Did some of that glitter that the Slytherins were doused in find its way up into your brain or something?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Nope." Harry shook his head. "It's my Umbridge Suffering Detector. Somehow, somewhere in the castle, she just suffered something really unpleasant." Harry continued to laugh.

Hermione and Ron looked at one another.

" _Umbridge… Suffering Detector?"_ Ron was actually the first to recover.

"Yep. I have an uncanny knack for sensing when Umbridge is suffering in some way. I only wish I knew how exactly she's suffering this time..." Harry sighted wistfully.

"Ron..." Hermione started slowly. "...what is the admissions process like at St Mungo's for those with brain/mind damage?"

"St Mungo's? Hah!" Ron rolled his eyes. "They couldn't handle him. Besides, if he goes there for his... _problem_ , that'll only give Fudge and his goons more fuel for the fire, wouldn't it?"

Hermione put her head in her hands. _"I know..."_

"We're just going to have to come up with a plan to handle him. You're good with plans and strategising. Surely you could come up with _something...?_ " Ron put a hand on her shoulder.

"You're not terribly stupid _all_ the time though. You're just _lazy._ I'm sure if you put effort into it, you could come up with something decent as well..." Hermione said.

"Please, Hermione. Now is not the time to lecture me on my study habits. It is however, time for us to try to keep Harry from being committed."

Ron nearly jumped out of his skin when Harry popped up behind them, somehow escaping their notice.

Hermione actually shrieked.

 _"I WON'T BE TAMED BY THE ESTABLISHMENT!"_ Harry shouted, startling others around them as well.

 _"DEATH TO THE ESTABLISHMENT!"_ Harry chanted as he walked down the corridor, others around him making sure to give him a wide berth.

"Mr Potter, what is the meaning of this racket?!" McGonagall walked briskly towards the young, but loud wizard.

"Ron and Hermione want to have me committed to the psychiatric ward, Professor. I won't stand for it! I am _perfectly_ sane!"

McGonagall fought the urge to roll her eyes.

 _"I wouldn't be so sure about that..."_ she thought.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for disturbing the peace, Mr Potter. Please try to find other, less disturbing ways to vent your frustrations with society." she spoke aloud, before continuing onto her destination.

Harry's best friends watched the brief exchange in silence.

 _"Hermione?"_ Ron broke the silence.

 _"Yes, Ron?"_

"You don't suppose we could try the Muggle way of getting Harry some help, do you? I mean, surely there has to be _some_ witch or wizard that works in the Muggle world that could help him properly, instead of having to send him to St Mungo's..."

"I hadn't actually thought of that, Ron. See? You're capable of logical thought. Show it more often!"

"Hermione, just stop. I'm beginning to think you like insulting my intelligence for fun..."

" _What_ intelligence?"

 _"Hermione!"_

* * *

Harry stopped in his tracks when he entered the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom that afternoon.

Umbridge had actually shown up to class, despite still suffering under the effects of Fred and George's makeover.

Except that she wore long robes that fully covered her arms, legs and most of her neck, the shade of pink it was reminding him of a certain Muggle medication.

Her hair had also been wrapped in a pink bonnet, though one could clearly see that it still retained its modified hairstyle.

Basically, she looked, in Harry's opinion, like something out of a fairy tale gone horribly, _horribly_ wrong.

He didn't even bother to hide his laughter.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor, Mr Potter." Umbridge snapped. "Go sit down before I make it forty."

"You could make it forty thousand and I still wouldn't care," Harry shrugged, his statement drawing glares from most of the Gryffindors in the room. "And you and I both know by now that your detentions don't work on me. Even if I did bother to show up, I'd end up doing as I please."

Ron snickered as he slid into the seat next to Harry.

"You will be reading chapter 27 of the textbook today and writing me a summary of the contents." Umbridge instructed.

The class stared at her, still not quite over how odd she looked, even by Wizarding standards.

"If you don't start writing in the next ten seconds, fifty points _each_ will be coming off _all_ of you who don't. Any longer and it's _detention._ "

She glared them down as they all hustled to get their supplies out.

Harry did as she asked (or least, he appeared to), with a little smile on his face that you would only really notice if you looked closely at him.

When the time allotted was up, Umbridge waved her wand and all the sheets of parchment that the students had been working on zoomed towards her.

She flicked through them, hemming and hawing to herself until she stopped suddenly at one particular sheet of parchment.

Before Umbridge could even say anything, Ron, Hermione and several of the more observant students in the class turned to look at Harry.

"Mr Potter... _ribbit..._ "

Harry snickered.

"I thought it was made... _croak..._ clear that all assignments... _croak..._ were to be in _English._ "

"It _is_ in English, Professor." Harry smiled sweetly, looking as innocent as could be. "It's just a different kind of English, is all. I do love all the _Thees,_ _Thys_ and _Thous_ of the time, you see. I just started reading Shakespeare and got inspired by it. And don't you _dare_ tell me about his writing being inferior just because he was a Muggle!"

Hermione face-palmed, while Ron snickered.

Umbridge looked as if her greatest wish was to strike him down right where he stood.

"Fifty... _ribbit..._ points from Gryffindor, Mr... _ribbit..._ Potter!"

"And as I said earlier, Professor," Harry smiled as he gathered up his things and packed them away. "points no longer matter to me. Nor does the approval of my housemates, who are for the most part, glaring at me right now because of such a trivial thing. Now if you'll excuse me..."

Harry swung his back over his shoulder.

"I have better places to be."

With that, Harry strode out of the classroom, humming something that sounded vaguely like the music from a typical funeral procession, leaving everyone behind stunned in his wake.


	18. Chapter 18

After dinner that evening, Harry found himself tackling a particularly difficult Potions essay at a desk near to one of the windows.

Every so often, he glanced out at the grounds, letting his mind wander a bit, though it wandered to dinner just a few hours earlier.

The makeovers that Fred and George had given the Slytherins had finally worn off, with a few notable exceptions.

Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle's remained firmly in place.

Umbridge and Snape hadn't even bothered coming to dinner.

Harry remembered laughing when most of the Slytherins found themselves back to normal, with some of them cheering, laughing, hugging each other and crying tears of joy.

"Well," Harry thought. "It was getting a bit old to see them like that anyway…"

Turning back to the essay, Harry finished the last sentence with a flourish, resting his quill down on the desk.

"Done! There's no way that Snape can find any fault with this essay- from a technical standpoint at least! And if he _does_ , I'm not about to let it slide this time. I've had enough of his- and everyone else's shite."

Humming to himself, he wiped the quill clean, sealed his ink bottle and put them back into his rucksack.

Placing a small paperweight on one corner of the parchment to keep it in place, he got up and walked around a bit, stretching and yawning in an exaggerated way that drew several stares his way.

 _"What?"_ Harry snapped at them. "Never seen a bloke stretching after doing his homework before? Somehow, that's not surprising to me, since judging by the intelligence of most of you sheep in here show, most of you don't spend a lot of time doing schoolwork at all."

Completely unbothered by the glares he was getting, he continued.

"Most of you can't even seem to think for your own damn selves. Especially when it comes to stuff regarding me."

One particular boy that he vaguely recognised as being a year above him opened his mouth to say something, but silenced himself under the stare that Harry was giving him.

Not a glare, not a frown, not even a raised eyebrow, but a simple, unblinking stare, straight into the other boy's eyes, as if he was attempting to read his mind.

The other boy looked away first.

 _"Yeah, that's what I thought, weakling,"_ Harry rolled his eyes. "Anyway, since you lot obviously think I'm so crazy, I'll just gather my things and go to bed. And just to be on the safe side since you lot are even crazier than I could ever hope to be, I'm charming my bed and all of my belongings, just in case you get any ideas."

After he'd packed away all his belongings, he turned on his heel and make his way up to his dorm room.

Just as Harry finished changing into his pyjamas after fully spelling his bed and his things, Ron burst into the room.

"What the bloody hell was that show that you put on back there just now?" Ron gestured to the door behind him.

"Just telling the truth, clearing the air. I must not tell lies after all," Harry shrugged, indifferent.

"That isn't even remotely funny." Ron rolled his eyes. "Not a single laugh involved."

"Whoever said that I intended it as a joke? I _was_ completely serious!" Harry's expression indicated that he was in fact, completely serious. "The way they act, we shouldn't be called the House of Lions. We should be the bloody House of _Sheep!_ "

Ron looked distinctly uncomfortable as he remembered how he himself had acted towards Harry in the previous school year.

"That... that is actually quite true..." he admitted sheepishly. "...so, can you show me those charms you were planning on putting on your bed and your things? I might get caught in the potential crossfire, since I'm your best friend and all that..."

Harry seemed to consider it for a moment, before relenting. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

Retrieving his wand from the bedside table where he had rested it just before Ron entered, he rolled up his sleeves and gave the other boy an impromptu magic lesson.

* * *

Harry walked out of his Potions class looking more cheerful than he ever had after any sort of encounter with Professor Snape.

"The look on his face!" Ron, on one side of him chortled, while Hermione, who was on Harry's other side, merely smiled. "That look on his face was bloody _glorious!_ "'

"Which look?" Hermione asked. "Was it the one where Harry walked in, looked Professor Snape up and down and didn't say a word about how he looked? Or was it the look when Harry answered every single question he asked correctly?"

"Eh... I can't make up my mind. Can't we go with both?" Ron shrugged.

As they walked along the corridors, making their way to lunch, Hermione started asking Harry about his plan for Umbridge again.

"Plan? What plan?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. "Do I look like a bloke with a plan?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "They might be very chaotic plans, but they are plans, nevertheless."

Harry paused to think about it.

"Well, that's an interesting way to think about it..." he admitted. "I suppose you _could_ call my plans organised chaos. However, I don't have any plans for her right now. At least, not ones that I plan to enact immediately. I'll definitely be annoying her as much as I can, like I always do, but I think I'll save my next round of full-fledged torment for the Christmas season. Nothing to cheer you up for the season like seeing someone you hate get a full blast in the face with karma, now is there?"

"Not at all, mate. Not at all." Ron chuckled.

"How exactly would you go about pulling off _Christmas_ themed pranks?" Hermione asked.

"I'm thinking perhaps involving an army of snowmen, Father Christmas and some inspiration from A Christmas Carol." Harry counted them off on his fingers. "Amongst other things, but I don't quite know how I'd pull them off yet..."

"What's _'A Christmas Carol?'_ Is that a Muggle thing?" Ron asked.

Harry and Hermione looked at one another.

"Well, Ron," Harry put an arm around his best friend's shoulder. "it is. It's an interesting story written by a Muggle called Charles Dickens. It starts with the story of a miserable old bat (who is actually _not_ related to Snape) called Ebenezer Scrooge..."


	19. Chapter 19

" _Deck the halls with boughs of folly,_ _ **FA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA…**_ _"_

" _Tis the season to spend all your money,_ _ **FA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA…**_ _"_

Harry, having transfigured his school hat into a Father Christmas style one, was walking towards his Defence Against the Dark Arts class singing butchered Christmas songs at the top of his lungs.

"Well, you've got the 'gay apparel' part right." Hermione eyed his hat, as if expecting it to start singing along with him.

Which, given the fact that she actually knew of at least one other hat in existence that _could_ sing, she wasn't ruling it out.

" **DAMN STRAIGHT!"** Harry bellowed, nearly deafening her. "Do you want me to whip up a Christmas themed outfit for you? I bet you'd make a _sexy_ Mother Christmas to my Father Christmas…"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "No thanks, Harry. I'm not about to make an attempt at dressing up as a sexualised fictional character. And one that is supposed to be quite elderly at that."

"How do we know that Father Christmas isn't fictional? We learnt about magic being real all this time, along with dragons, mermaids and the like. So why not Father Christmas?" Harry shrugged.

Hermione was about to retort when Ron cut her off.

"Wait… was that supposed to be an attempt at flirting with _Hermione_ of all people?" Ron scoffed.

"So… you think that people _wouldn't_ want to flirt with me?" Hermione turned on him. "Am I that unattractive?"

Normally, Ron would have run far, far away from that ticking time bomb, but having spent time around Harry in his new vengeance driven mindset had mostly inured him to such things.

"You're alright looking, I suppose, but you do have a tendency to be rather obnoxious about things sometimes…" Ron spoke calmly.

Harry stopped to watch the inevitable explosion that wasn't caused by him for once.

"I… _me_ obnoxious? _Ronald Bilius Weasley,_ have you looked in a mirror lately?!" Hermione shrieked.

"I have. But it's true, you know. You do tend to rub people the wrong way a lot…" Ron shrugged.

Hermione twitched.

"HO, HO, _HO!_ " Harry exclaimed, popping up between the pair. "As much as I'm enjoying this lovely spectacle, it's time that we go spread some Christmas cheer to Umbridge. She and Snape need it most of all in this castle, don't you think?" he grinned broadly.

" _I swear to Merlin, Harry…"_ Hermione sighed.

She turned back to Ron.

"Don't you _dare_ think that this is over!" she snapped, a finger pointed directly into the redhead's face.

She walked off with as much composure as she could manage.

"Will I suffer for it?" Ron asked himself. "Probably. Was it worth it? It most certainly was."

"We'll see how you feel about that later. Now, onto Defense Against the Dark Arts!"

Harry started singing Christmas carols loudly and off key again as he and Ron set off.

* * *

"Potter, what is that atrocity on your head?" Umrbidge screeched at him as soon as he crossed the threshold of the classroom.

Her previous makeover had finally worn off and now, she was back to looking as normal as she ever could.

"It's not an atrocity, _Professor!_ " Harry sounded greatly offended by the very idea. "This is a Father Christmas hat! _Surely,_ you've heard of him in the Wizarding world too! He has to be a wizard to be able to deliver all those gifts around the world in one night!"

Umbridge blinked.

"Whether according to the tales of wizards or… _Muggles,_ " Dolores spat disdainfully."Father Christmas does not exist. Twenty points from Gryffindor!"

"Well, we all know who's going to be on his naughty list for sure!" Harry huffed as he sat next to Ron, swotting the puff on the edge of his hat out of his face and crossing his arms, his expression that of a particularly petulant child.

Hermione eyed him from across the room, where she had seated herself next to Neville.

"As this is your final week of class for the term…" Umrbidge started, before she was interrupted by Harry.

"Praise Father Christmas for that!" Harry pumped his fist, cheering. "Perhaps he could bring you a new face for Christmas! Goodness knows you'd need it…"

The class started giggling at that.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" Umrbidge screeched.

The rest of the class immediately fell silent, but Harry wasn't so cowed.

"Once again, my dear _Professor,_ " Harry leaned back casually in his chair. "points don't matter to me. Perhaps to my fellow Gryffindors, but you won't achieve any sort of effects on me by doing that."

Umbridge seethed.

"You really do need some Christmas spirit you know. Stop being such a Grinch about everything. Mind, you actually _were_ the appropriate colour pretty recently..." Harry paused as if in thought.

Those with knowledge of the Muggle reference in the room snickered, while the others just looked confused.

"Potter, sit down before I give you a detention!" Umbridge glared at him.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Once again, that's not going to work on me. I'm not going to waste my time by spending it with you, so you can suck my soul out like a Dementor. Would you like to try something else? Oh, and aren't you supposed to be _pretending_ to teach us something right now?"

Umbridge turned her back on the class for a few seconds, willing herself to be calm.

She couldn't afford to lose it in front of the students.

When she turned back to them, it was with her usual sickly sweet voice: "I just want you to review the chapters we've done this term. Now get to it, before I start taking more points."

* * *

After dinner that evening (to which Harry had continued wearing his Father Christmas hat, drawing more stares than usual), he looked out the Gryffindor Tower's window and smiled to himself as he took note of the current weather outside.

It was finally snowing.

A _lot._

Buckets of the stuff were falling from the sky at such a rate that he could barely even _see_ the sky.

" _Excellent, excellent._ This just makes things for me easier," he chuckled. "Now to call in the troops to help me with these ideas of mine..."

* * *

Sometime later, Harry, Fred, George, Colin and Dennis were gathered in the Room of Requirement.

"Well, remember the enchanted snowballs that we did back in your first year, Harry?" George asked.

"Oh yes. The ones you kept aiming at Quirrell..." Harry said. _"...and Voldemort,"_ he thought.

"Not to mention our _darling_ prat of an older brother who shall not be named..." Fred pointed out.

"Will you teach us?" Dennis asked eagerly.

"We certainly will, young man!" Fred exclaimed. "After all, Harry is our apprentice and he's chosen you two as his apprentices in the fine art of pranking, so we'd be absolutely _delighted_ to help you lot!" Fred grinned.

"What about enchanted snowmen? Making it snow inside the castle?" Colin asked.

"By the time we're done with this place, it'll be a winter wonderland worthy of Father Christmas! _Obviously_ Mother Nature agrees with us since they've provided such a large amount of snow to work with!" Harry said.

 _"Excellent, excellent,"_ George rubbed his hands together in glee. "Let's get to work, gentlemen!"

Fred snorted. "We're far from gentlemen, George."

George shrugged. "True..."

"So," Harry started. "about the snowmen..."

* * *

Umbridge awoke with an ominous feeling threatening to overwhelm her.

She had gotten ready for the day and had breakfast in the Great Hall as normal.

Potter was actually _not_ making a spectacle of himself that morning, seated with his friends at the Gryffindor table.

She still, however, couldn't shake the feeling.

Making her way to her classroom for her first class of the day, she felt it get significantly colder as she approached.

Teeth chattering as she attempted to cast a heating spell on herself, she found that the lock had been frosted over.

When she finally managed to get it open after repeated castings of a heating spell to melt the ice blocking the lock, she opened the door only to get a full blast of cold air engulfing her, completely nullifying the heating spells she had cast on herself.

Everything inside the classroom was coated in ice, with snow somehow fluttering down from the ceiling.

The desks were frozen solid; the chalkboard was completely iced over and as she tried to walk further inside to inspect her newly frozen classroom, she slipped on the ice and fell on her face with a loud _crack._

Slipping and sliding as she struggled to stand upright and get out of the classroom, blood started running down her obviously broken nose.

 _"Potter,"_ she thought. _"I swear to Merlin when I find you..."_


	20. Chapter 20

Harry was sitting with his friends, calmly enjoying his breakfast, joking around with them like a normal teenager for once.

Between mouthfuls of corn flakes, he told a joke to Ron, who choked on his bacon as he laughed, with Hermione raising an eyebrow at them over her cup of tea.

Part of the joke involved Harry swishing his head back and flicking the top of his Father Christmas hat out of his face as if he was advertising shampoo and that finally got a giggle out of Hermione, as well as Ginny, who was seated a few seats away.

Colin and Dennis, seated separately with their own year mates, had stopped to chat earlier, while Fred and George, seated with Lee and a few others from their year, both gave Harry the thumbs up, having heard his joke.

As Ron recovered from the joke, he glanced up at Umbridge, who was eyeing Harry (and him and Hermione by extension) with suspicion in her eyes.

"Harry, what did you do to her?" Ron asked him.

"Nothing." Harry shrugged. "I guess she's just feeling a bit… _frosty_ this morning."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him, continuing to sip her tea as she did.

"I haven't done anything to Umbridge for the day. Honestly!" Harry insisted. "If I had, she wouldn't be sitting up there calmly like that, now would she?"

"I just think you're up to something. After all, you're the same one who said that you're not letting her go without some sort of Christmas… _hijinks…_ " Hermione pointed out.

"True, but I haven't actually done anything to her for the day." Harry said.

"Yet," Ron piped up between mouthfuls of scrambled eggs.

"I have no comment," Harry kept his face completely straight, even as he flicked the top of his Father Christmas hat out of his face once again.

* * *

After his break the next day and on his way to Transfiguration, Harry started hearing other students chatting excitedly.

"Did you hear what happened when Umbridge went to get ready for her first class of the day?" one Hufflepuff girl asked her Ravenclaw friend excitedly.

"No, _what?_ I was caught up in Arithmancy class, remember?" the Ravenclaw answered.

"She got iced! Not like a cake though. It was as if somebody had Transfigured her into an icy version of herself!" the Hufflepuff giggled.

"Guess that means no Defence Against the Dark Arts for us today, huh?" the Ravenclaw smiled. "Pity. I guess I will have to use that period for self-study..."

Harry smirked to himself.

As he turned a corner, he heard Peeves singing something in the distance about winter fun and the sounds of several students screaming.

 _"Well, it sounds like Peeves is having fun today. I just hope he doesn't try anything with me..."_ Harry thought. _"...or I'll get to find out for myself whether or not Poltergeists can freeze as well as toads do..."_

Ron and Hermione who found him eventually along the way to their shared class, immediately started questioning him.

"Harry, please tell me that you _didn't do it..._ " Hermione said.

"Harry, please tell me that you _did do it..._ " Ron said.

"As the Americans would say, _'I plead the Fifth.'_ " Harry shrugged.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "This isn't America, Harry. That won't work here, you know. _What did you do this time?_ I'm hearing the craziest stories about how it's now snowing in Umbridge's office-"

" _I_ heard that she looked rather akin to an ice lolly today after she got a blast of ice to the face when she opened the classroom this morning!" Ron laughed. "I really wish I could have seen it!"

"Harry, I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve it, but what would happen if she catches you? You know that she'd love a reason to expel you!" Hermione exclaimed.

"I never said that I did it, Hermione," Harry pointed out. " _nor_ that I knew who did." he continued after seeing that Hermione was ready to argue.

"You said earlier something about her being 'frosty'." Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "Are _you_ sure that you had nothing to do with it?"

"Coincidences with my speech do not make me a guilty wizard." Harry rolled his eyes.

Ron eyed him suspiciously. "Somehow, I don't believe you."

"Well then, it looks like we'll have to wait and see if we can find out who it is then, won't we?" Harry smiled mysteriously as they approached the Transfiguration classroom.

As Harry went through it first, Ron and Hermione shared a look behind him, before joining Harry inside.

* * *

Harry started singing Christmas songs loudly and off key again on his way to lunch.

"All I Want For Christmas is _Youuuuuuuuuu!_ " Harry screeched.

He seemed to be really getting into the song as he pointed to random girls along the way with every 'you' in the song and dancing along to his own, off-key beat.

"Harry, if you could stop massacring Mariah Carey's song, that would be great." Hermione sighed.

"Who's Mariah Carey?" Ron asked, completely confused.

"American Muggle singer," Hermione explained. "her song was and still is rather popular around this time of year."

Harry began dancing like a man possessed and hit the highest note that he could when he entered the Great Hall, finishing off the song with a bang.

Literally, as the doors slammed shut behind him, cutting off Ron and Hermione,, who had to step back hurriedly in order to avoid being hit.

Everyone stared at him.

Umbridge, who for some reason looked as if she was still extremely cold despite wearing several layers of winter clothing, gave him a look as if she wished that he would freeze on the spot and shatter into pieces.

Harry, feeling extra cheeky that day, gave her a little cheerful wave before skipping off to join his fellow Gryffindors for lunch.

A few minutes later, Ron and Hermione finally found their way over to the table and joined Harry.

"You nearly killed us with that door back there, Harry. Seriously?" Ron looked annoyed.

"What can I say?" Harry shrugged. "Merry Christmas."

Hermione sighed exasperatedly, looking up to the sky as if expecting an invisible deity there to save her from Harry's madness.

* * *

"You... _you_ conjured snow in my classroom!" Umbridge shrieked at him, having caught Harry on his way to dinner.

 _"Bloody hell..."_ Harry sighed. "you sure know how to kill the Christmas spirit, woman!"

She had caught up to him while he mangled 'O Holy Night', happily on his way to consume his last proper meal of the day.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor for your disrespect!"

"I don't care. I really don't." Harry rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what makes you think that I could conjure snow out of thin air? Isn't that sort of conjuration supposed to be difficult?"

"Somehow, I think you'd manage."

"That sounds _dangerously_ close to a compliment, Professor." Harry resumed his annoyingly cheerful act. "As highly as you think of me, I'm not Jack Frost, related to him in any way, nor did I ever know him. I'd love to, though."

"Jack Frost isn't real, Potter!"

"Just like Father Christmas isn't? I'm sure he's real too! Just because he didn't see it fit to grace you with his presence... I don't blame him. Or Father Christmas for that matter, either..."

"Stop denying it, Potter. You conjured snow in my classroom and turned it into a replica of Antartica!" Umbridge seethed.

"I did no such thing." Harry began to walk off. _"I didn't conjure the snow in your classroom,"_ he thought. _"I merely transported it there..."_

 _"Twenty more points from Gryffindor!"_ Umbridge called after him.

 _"I don't care!"_ he retorted, before adjusting his Christmas hat atop his head and singing a different Christmas song to announce his arrival in the Great Hall. _  
_


	21. Chapter 21

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**_

* * *

As it got closer and closer to Christmas break, it seemed as if most of the inhabitants of the castle was feeling more and more festive, regardless of their previous inclinations during the year.

Most being the key word in the aforementioned sentence.

One person in particular was not having herself a merry little Christmas at all.

Screams echoed through the corridors from one person in particular.

"AUGH! SOMEONE, HELP ME!"

As Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way out of the Great Hall after breakfast one morning, they were greeted with the sight of about a dozen snowmen chasing Umbridge at a speed that even Harry couldn't believe, leaving trails of ice behind them that had people slipping and sliding, despite their best efforts to stay upright.

What was even more unbelievable was the fact that somehow, she was managing to keep out of their reach, despite her stature and general athletic inability.

"How are those snowmen even running?" Ron wondered as he watched the scene in amazement.

"They can't run, Ron. They don't have any legs," Hermione pointed out.

"You're being pedantic, Hermione," Harry waved dismissively at her while he watched the crowd of snowmen (and women) chase down their pink-clad prey. "It doesn't really matter if they have legs or not in the grand scheme of things, does it?"

"I'm not even going to ask if you were responsible for this one. I just know that you are," Hermione shook her head.

A particularly loud, piercing scream rang through the corridors at that point, followed y an eerie silence.

"Should we be concerned?" Hermione looked at Ron, who merely shrugged.

Harry, meanwhile, was completely unconcerned with Umbridge's potential fate, walking off as he happily whistled 'Frosty the Snowman'.

"What a wonderful day it is…" he thought as he ignored the looks he was getting. "What a wonderful, wonderful day. Perhaps I should go make some more snowmen of my own, just to have a bit more fun…"

* * *

The Hogwarts grounds were completely coated in snow and ice, with the students taking advantage of the wintery weather while enjoying themselves with winter themed activities.

Colin and Dennis Creevey had gathered several of their friends for a snowball fight, which, when other students noticed what they were doing, morphed into a giant snowball war; a complete melee, a free for all with all care abandoned as to who they were playing or fighting with.

Several students, having tested out the ice of the Great Lake, had found it frozen over enough to skate on, even though they could see that the Giant Squid had enough unfrozen water to swim on beneath it.

Some of them had brought ice skates with them, whereas others had Transfigured ice skates for themselves and their friends.

Overall, everyone was having a good time.

Except Umbridge.

During the previously mentioned snowball fight, which Harry and Ron had found themselves in (Hermione retreating inside for safety), Harry had charmed several of the snowballs to go inside the castle, find Umbridge and rain an icy, merciless hail down upon her, mixed in with a few small hail stones.

At random intervals during the fight, Harry would send more to find her, while dodging a snowball that someone had thrown, all while managing somehow to not be hit.

"Too slow, Creeveys!" Harry shouted as he side-stepped a flurry of snowballs the brothers had sent towards him, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

Ron had him covered tough, for as soon as he stepped aside, he sent his own snowballs after the brothers and a few others who had joined the fun on their side.

"Take _that,_ you twerps!" Harry continued his maniacal laughter all the way back to the castle, where he took refuge, finally having his fill of winter fun that day.

Or at least, he _thought_ he had his fill of winter fun that day until he saw the results of the spells he had cast on the snow outside during the snowball fight.

He was on his way to the kitchens to see if Dobby and the other house elves there would be willing to give him a warm snack for him to defrost with, but along the way, he encountered Umbridge running away from several snowballs that pelted themselves after her with no mercy whatsoever, in a corridor that cut across the one that he was currently making his way down.

Umbridge glanced up while she was running and spotted him.

Harry waved tauntingly at her, not even bothering to hide his amusement.

When she turned to glare at him, she slowed down enough for the snowballs to hit her with enough force to send her careening down the corridor.

Looking around the corner, he spotted Umbridge covered in a giant pile of snow, with just the barest sliver of pink showing beneath the white to hint that she was under there at all.

* * *

"Harry, what is that you're carrying?" Hermione raised an eyebrow at Harry as he joined her and Ron at the Gryffindor table for dinner with something covered in green fabric in his hands.

"Oh, this?" Harry gestured to the covered item before revealing it. " _This_ is a mini Christmas tree."

"Where did you get it?" Ron asked between mouthfuls of meat.

"I made it," Harry looked extremely proud of himself as he cleared away a small space on the table and set it there. "I was feeling creative and with this being the Christmas season and all…"

"Harry, why exactly do you feel that your little tree is entitled to a spot at the table?" Angelina, who was seated directly across from him raised an eyebrow as he placed the tree on the table. "it doesn't need to eat dinner, after all. Or any kind of food for that matter…"

"Nah, Angie," Fred piped up from his seat next to her. "his 'tree' isn't little at all."

"Not with all the things he's done in the past like defeating Dark Lords, slaying giant snakes and the like…" George joined in, from Fred's other side.

"Nope. No small trees on Harry at all!" they exclaimed in unison.

Angelina and Hermione facepalmed in unison.

"Thank you for the vaguely creepy endorsement you two," Harry narrowed his eyes at the twins, who grinned back at him, completely without shame. "but this…" he tapped the tree with his wand and it lit up. "…this is what it can do."

A few seconds later, random songs began playing from the tree, drawing even more attention to it.

Appropriate to the kind of tree it was, it was playing Christmas songs.

However, _these_ Christmas songs came with a twist.

While all of the songs were indeed sung to the tune of popular Christmas carols, the lyrics had been modified to lyrics which would be rather insulting to a particular witch who fancied herself a Professor.

Fred and George burst out laughing, as well as several others nearby when it clicked in their minds exactly what they were hearing and where it was coming from.

The looks on their faces ensured that it wouldn't be long before the remixes spread far and wide throughout the castle, reaching every inhabitant far faster than the infamous 'Weasley Is Our King' ever could.

* * *

Umbridge stepped into her office after a long, cold, tiring day.

Snow had assaulted her in a variety of ways, thanks to Potter and she had been made a laughingstock.

Again.

Plus, Potter had made that infernal little Christmas tree that somehow sang even worse than the Sorting Hat ever could.

As she fixed herself a cup of tea as she usually did before preparing for bed, she heard it.

 _A song._

A song was playing somewhere in the room…

But _where_ was it coming from?

It suddenly clicked in her head that it was one of the same songs that Potter had been playing in the Great Hall earlier.

It also clicked, as she looked, that she couldn't find the source of the annoying music, no matter where she looked in the room.

" _POTTER!"_


	22. Chapter 22

_Fillerish, but I needed something to bridge Harry's Christmas break with Term Two._

* * *

Harry's last few days at Hogwarts that term passed in quite the whirlwind.

The last prank he'd managed against Umbridge involved the use of coal, stockings, a very willing Peeves (who he'd roped into being his temporary ally, much to the awe of the Weasley twins) and an immense amount of snow that would make Jack Frost jealous.

Needless to say, it had been quite entertaining.

However, now he was at Grimmauld Place, sitting in his and Ron's room, having left Hogwarts a bit ahead of schedule because of the horrifying vision he'd had of… himself attacking Mr Weasley.

No, _no,_ it wasn't himself. He wasn't _really_ the one who did it. He just saw it happen. It was as if he was inside Nagini, but it wasn't him…

He shook his head to clear it.

Now was _not_ the time to be having such grim thoughts, especially with it being the Christmas season.

 _Coal, stockings, snow, Peeves…_

He burst out laughing like a lunatic, his effort to turn his mind away from more morbid thoughts succeeding in cheering himself up.

"Care to share the hilarity with your amazing godfather?" Sirius strolled into the room just then, donning a Father Christmas hat and a rope of shimmering, silver tinsel around his neck as if it were a necklace.

Harry rolled his eyes at his godfather's appearance.

"Don't judge me, Harry." Sirius pulled his wand from his sleeve and soon, Harry was similarly dressed. "Well, now that you have the same accessories, you can't…"

Harry rolled his eyes again.

"Enough with the eye rolling. You're sitting in here all by yourself, laughing like a lunatic, and I want to know why." Sirius pulled up a chair and plopped it next to Harry, sitting on it backwards, with his elbows propped up on the back of the chair.

" _Well,"_ Harry started. "I managed to mention it briefly before Umbridge really came down on her 'security checks' for the mail, but I've decided that in my own special way, I'm going to make her life at Hogwarts _Hell on Earth._ "

"Oh yes," Sirius nodded. "Quite the admirable venture. Your father and I would have done the same. You, however, should take some pranking advice from me. I was a master at it in school, after all…"

"I'm sure you were," Harry snorted. "I will be sure to get your ratings on all the pranks I pulled so far on the old toad. "but for now, let me tell you the fascinating tale of my crusade from how it all started to where it now stands…"

Harry started from the beginning, with the first detention in which he had basically tattooed himself all the way up to the latest incident, all of his stories having a great amount of detail to them.

"So I had filled a giant stocking with as much coal as I could conjure up and I had Dobby put it on her desk with a little note saying 'Happy Christmas'. Well, as soon she put her hand in, coal came out of the stocking to the point that she had to run out of her office on bits and pieces of the stuff." Harry got up, pantomiming for his godfather the action of trying and failing to stay upright, drawing a laugh from the older wizard.

"She goes running out of the office, only to encounter Peeves around the corner pelting snowballs at her, so she runs off screaming her head off even more than she was before. After she was gone, Dobby and I went into her office, putting as much snow in there as possible."

Sirius grinned. "I think I like where this is headed…"

"Oh, _you would…_ " Harry's chuckle was quite mischievous as he geared up for the next part of the story.

"Picture this clearly in your head: Umbridge, having been chased down by Peeves for the better part of an hour and in her haste to get away from him, left her wand behind in her office, right there on the desk. I didn't take it-," Harry predicted Sirius' next question, even as he asked it. "but I was tempted to. I really, _really_ was tempted to…" Harry sighed wistfully.

"Harry! There you are!" Hermione poked her head in the door, Ron, standing behind her. "We were just wondering where you got to. Dinner's almost finished!"

"What are you and Sirius doing up here, anyway? Is he giving you advice on how to drive Umbridge stark raving mad even faster than you are now by just existing?" Ron asked, chuckling lightly.

" _Ron! Don't give him any ideas!"_ Hermione hissed.

"Too late, Hermione. My dear godfather here has already promised to show me his ways." Harry grinned at her.

Hermione sat on the other bed in the room, her hands covering her face as she groaned. "Hogwarts is going to be _destroyed…_ "

"Listen, Hermione," Sirius spoke up. "If The Marauders couldn't bring Hogwarts down with all the stuff that we pulled, Harry and his little allies certainly aren't."

"As I was saying before we were interrupted," Harry shot his best friends a look. "we were in her office and decided to make it even frostier in there than what I did to her classroom. After that, we got out of there and stood some distance away, me in my Invisibility Cloak and Dobby under some sort of invisibility spell of his own, waiting for her to come back. So, Umbridge, covered in coal marks, dripping wet and cold from Peeves' snowy assault, decides to duck back into her office, thinking she could would be safe in there. She was wrong." Harry laughed. "She really should have expected something like that by then. _She really should have…_ "

Sirius burst out laughing with him.

Ron and Hermione had long given up on Harry's mental health, but seeing Sirius laughing like he was just another indicator as to how being locked up in Azkaban for all those years had affected him.

"… the door opens, she expects to just calmly walk in… BAM! A flood of snow comes cascading down on her like witches to a Witch Weekly magazine. Shoves her a good few metres down the corridor as well, just like an avalanche, gains traction and then it forms into a ball, like something in a cartoon!" Harry was by now laughing so hard, that he had to clutch his sides.

"How was she afterwards?" Sirius spoke after he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"She'd have gone careening down a flight of stairs too if Dumbledore hadn't show up and stopped it," Harry pouted, his expression setting off another peal of laughter in Sirius.

" _Somehow, he finds the idea of manslaughter charming…"_ Hermione muttered to Ron, who stood next to the bed she was seated on.

" _With a mindset like that, You-Know-Who wouldn't have a chance against him…"_ Ron mused.

" _So…"_ Harry spoke again, addressing Ron and Hermione once he and Sirius had recovered from their laughter. _"you said something about dinner?"_


	23. Chapter 23

"Got everything?" Sirius asked as he helped Harry pack up the last of his things in preparation for his return to Hogwarts.

"Yep. All my school supplies, Christmas gifts- including the pranking supplies _and_ the fancy mirror you got me-"

"Well, now that I know that you're truly following your father's footsteps, I just _had_ to ensure that you were plenty prepared, didn't I?" Sirius shrugged, completely nonchalant.

"I think you may have, quite possibly, gone a bit overboard with certain items…" Harry narrowed his eyes at the older wizard, who looked unashamed.

"You're a teenage boy and hormones run rampant in teenage boys," Sirius pointed out.

"Most girls at Hogwarts think I'm stark raving mad right now, though." Harry retorted.

"Hey. Some like their dates crazy. I know _I_ did on occasion." Sirius grinned.

"That's because you were- are crazy as well…" Harry rolled his eyes as he slammed the lid of his trunk shut, locked it and turned to make sure that Hedwig's empty cage was secured, the owl who normally occupied it flying ahead to their destination.

"Well, I guess I can't deny that…" Sirius admitted. "Now, about that mirror…"

"Just speak your name into the mirror, you'll feel it vibrate because you'll be sure to keep it on you at all times, then you'll answer. Same goes in reverse for me. Call for anything at any time whether it's dating advice, pranking advice or if to rant if Umbridge or Snape are behaving particularly bastardly and I need to rant. Got it." Harry nodded, patting the pocket that he knew the mirror was safely tucked into.

"If Umbridge gives you problems… or Snape, for that matter…" Sirius growled.

Harry narrowed his eyes. "You won't _dare_ come charging up to the castle in some hair brained scheme. Leave that sort of thing to me. I can deal with their crap. I give as good as I get now and I want you to _stay here._ "

"Fine…" Sirius sighed. "Let's go before Molly comes up here looking for us. I can't _stand_ the sound of her yelling, even moreso when it's at _me…_ "

Harry shuddered. "Good idea! Let's go!"

Harry moved out of the room with his luggage and down the stairs faster than Sirius thought possible.

* * *

"So, Harry. What sorts of hijinks are you going to get up to this term?" Luna asked calmly as she reclined in the seat across from Harry, Ron and Hermione in their train carriage, the Hogwarts Express making its merry way along its course.

"Hijinks? _What_ hijinks?" Harry spoke, half smiling.

Ron and Hermione looked at one another.

"I don't know if you have any specific schemes aimed at the person that you often refer to as a toad. Perhaps you have plans for the bat instead?" Luna asked, a slight gleam in her eye and a small smile on her face that told them she wasn't being serious.

Either way, she was still encouraging Harry in his madness.

"Perhaps I'll give the toad a break. Not because she deserves it, mind, but just to keep her _on her toes…_ " Harry chuckled.

"Pranking her by not pranking her?" Luna raised an eyebrow.

" _Exactly,_ Luna! You get it!" Harry moved to high five her, which she accepted, giggling briefly. "She'll think I stopped and won't be looking for the next one! Gives me time to plot a proper comeback and all that…"

"She's going to die, isn't she?" Ginny asked, having just entered the cabin and hearing the last part of his declaration.

"Well, that isn't the aim, but if she does in the process and it can't be pinned on me…" Harry shrugged.

"Harry!" Hermione looked scandalised. "You can't commit murder!"

"Of course he can! As long as he isn't caught in the act or implicated in any way!" Ginny played along.

Hermione gave the girl an incredulous look and held Crookshanks just a _little_ bit closer to herself, as if hoping to guard him from the apparently contagious insanity going around.

Harry, Ginny and Luna looked at one another for a few seconds and burst out laughing.

Ron, who hadn't spoken a single word during the entire exchange spoke up just then.

"So… all of that about offing her was just a joke, right?" he asked. "I mean, none of us would honestly care if she died or 'mysteriously disappeared', but I would rather not have to testify at your trial."

"Your concerns are noted, dear best friend of mine…" Harry grinned, putting a hand on Ron's shoulder in a manner which he probably thought was reassuring, but Ron found it more than unsettling the way his best friend clutched his shoulder just a bit too tightly.

Well, there was _that_ and the manic look in Harry's eyes that you only see if you looked _really_ closely.

"… but you have nothing to worry about. I'll be fine."

"You left _'being fine'_ behind a long time ago." Hermione rolled her eyes.

A few minutes later, Neville entered their compartment, looked around at the varied expressions, and although he decided to stay, sat far, far away from Harry.

* * *

Once he'd arrived at the castle, had dinner (with him behaving as normally as possible) and returned to Gryffindor Tower, he spent some time catching up with the Creevey brothers, reassuring them that the effort wasn't over, but merely on break, he finally managed to get up to the dorm, hopped into his bed and drew the curtains around himself.

Casting as many privacy and silencing spells as he could around the bed and its hangings, he fished the mirror Sirius had given him out of his pocket and propped himself up with pillows as he sat against the bedframe.

" _Sirius Black."_

The mirror vibrated in his hand a bit before Sirius' face appeared in the mirror.

" _Hello, my favourite godson!"_ Sirius exclaimed cheerfully.

"I'm your _only_ godson," Harry pointed out.

" _Doesn't stop you from being my favourite, now does it?"_ Sirius grinned.

Harry rolled his eyes.

" _So, I can see that you made it back to Hogwarts safe and sound, so what else do I owe the pleasure of this call to?"_

"Just wanted to see how you were doing since I left you there, all by your lonesome, with Buckbeak and Kreacher for company…"

"I don't find that very amusing at all, Harry."

"I never intended it to be," Harry said. "I just wanted to discuss my plan of action for moving forward. I plan on giving her a little break, not because I like her, but to make her let her guard down. Then I can come back at her with a vengeance that she would never expect!"

Sirius chortled. _"Sounds like a plan! I've already given you some supplies that would fly under her radar if she tries to search your things, I've given you some ideas, you've got a safe means of communication to talk to me any time you need advice- whether with pranks or the ladies…"_

"Let's just get back to business, Sirius. I have class with her tomorrow and I want all my wits about me if she tries to goad me. I may or may not lose my shit with her again, but I don't want it to be because of a lack of sleep…"

" _Eh… whatever, you say, favourite godson. Whatever you say…"_


	24. Chapter 24

Harry sat at breakfast the next morning reading _1001 Everyday Charms_ again (he had obtained his own copy over the Christmas holidays) and eating his breakfast.

Although he appeared to be doing so absent-mindedly to the outside world, he was quite aware of what was happening around him.

Smiling at a joke that George had just told from a few seats away, Harry happily munched a strip of bacon that he had pinched between his fingers.

This book had proven itself to be quite useful in the past- both for his Charms class in which he had originally sought the help of the book and in his later crusade to give Umbridge hell.

As he had told Ron and Hermione earlier, however, he was merely banking up his knowledge and waiting for the right time to make his move.

He glanced up at the Staff Table, seeing Umrbidge there, looking refreshed, after being away from him for the entire Christmas holidays.

It wouldn't last long…

Harry chuckled to himself as he tucked away the book and focused on actually finishing his breakfast.

He certainly wasn't about to let her ruin his enjoyment of good quality food…

* * *

Harry breezed through his classes that day without seemingly a single care in the world.

He kept his head down and acted like a normal student.

So much so that even Snape could not find something to wrong with him.

Not that the overgrown bat didn't _try_ as he usually did in each lesson…

Looming over him in the dark, damp, depressing dungeons while doing his best impression of a Dementor, Snape passed by his work area more often than necessary, a sneer painted onto his face as it usually was.

Might as well practice blocking him out from now so he wouldn't suffer too much in those Occlumency classes that Dumbledore actually thought was aa good idea…

Having the classes was a good idea.

Having the classes with _Snape_ teaching them was not…

He brought himself back to Earth as he crossed the threshold of Umbridge's classroom, which, while it appeared normal once again, still had more of a chill to it than it normally did at that time of year, a faint reminder of one of his greatest accomplishments.

* * *

When he entered the classroom, he found that he was one of the first few to arrive, a fact that Dean Thomas saw fit to point out.

"Bloody hell, Potter. You're actually this early to this class?" Dean raised an eyebrow, Seamus next to him still refusing to look Harry in the eye like the weak-minded individual he was.

"That I am, Dean. That I am." Harry smiled back a smile that sent shivers down the other boy's spine.

Harry looked around the classroom.

"And it seems as if Hermione isn't here either!" Harry's eyes widened as he took in every section of the classroom again.

"Only this once." Hermione spoke from behind him as she entered the classroom, motioning for Harry to sit next to her, leaving Ron to sit with Neville. "Why are _you_ here so early, Harry? You hate this class even more than I do!"

"No reason, really. I just wanted to start the new year off on a good, clean foot. Start the year afresh, you know?" Harry shrugged, seemingly indifferent to it all.

Hermione stared him down for a few moments before speaking again.

"Only for you to swoop in and make things even filthier than a rubbish dump the size of Australia?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

Harry smiled serenely, but his smile quickly turned into a frown when Umbridge entered the room.

He shook his head to clear it, before plastering on his fake, saccharine smile.

Harry had almost forgotten how much his mood was offset by here merely being in less than desirable proximity to him.

Even if she wasn't trying to get 'evidence' of him doing something that would get him expelled and if she could manage it, a one-way ticket to Azkaban...

However, if all of this blew up on her and she was the one who went to Azkaban…

Let's just say that the memory of her being arrested would be great fuel for his Patronus in the future…

He brought himself back to reality when Umbridge began to talk again, her voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard.

"Good afternoon children," her voice sounded like how he would imagine spoilt honey to sound if it had a voice.

" _Good afternoon, Umbitch,"_ he thought.

"I trust that you have had a pleasant Christmas holiday?"

"It was pleasant, actually. Being far away from you…" Harry thought.

After Umbridge had received a few answers in the affirmative, she continued on.

"Now that we're in not only a new term, but also a new school year, I expect you all to take the chance to start afresh in this class and do your best. The Ministry of Magic cares deeply for your education after all, and your OWLs are a scant few months away!" she exclaimed in her false perky voice.

Many of the students in the class groaned, with Hermione and Harry rolling their eyes in unison.

As Umbridge looked across the classroom, she looked at Harry with a look that clearly stated that she didn't even expect him to pass so much as a simple math exam.

Harry looked straight back at her, without blinking, a completely neutral expression on his face.

Just because it was a new year, did she really think he was suddenly going to become an angel in her class?

He raised an eyebrow as she maintained her gaze, completely unwilling to back down.

Though, judging the flicker of displeasure that appeared on her face, apparently, she was stupid enough to think so.

Oh well.

He'd let her enjoy her delusions for a little while more- not much obvious aggression, other than standing up for himself and others if need be.

He still had Dumbledore's Army to keep him going behind the scenes, after all...

As soon as Umbridge told them to read quietly and make notes, he began writing plans for the next meeting of Dumbledore's Army.

In French.

 _Just in case._

He was pretty certain that the toad woman barely knew English as it was, so it was safe for him to assume that she wouldn't be able to identify the language he was writing in.

Plus, it gave him an opportunity to practice his skills with the language.

He paused to think for a moment.

Perhaps sometime he would owl Fleur and ask her for help in learning her native language. She was the only native speaker of the language that he was on good terms with, after all.

There was also the fact that even if Umbridge was to read his mail again, it wasn't against any of her decrees to learn a foreign language with assistance from a friend…

Propping up his textbook on the desk and making it look like he was working exceptionally hard, Harry kept on with his DA plans, ignoring Umbridge's proximity to him when she came to see what he was doing.

She opened her mouth, likely to scold him for not using English again, when Harry cut her off.

"I do not care. Take as much points as you want from me. It won't bother me," he spoke quietly. "Detentions won't bother me, as I'm sure I must remind you…"

Umbridge pursed her lips, her expression looking like that of a toad who had been force fed lemon juice.

Closing her eyes and rubbing her temples briefly, she walked off without a word.

Ron, having seen the byplay from where he sat with Neville, gave him a quick thumbs-up when Umbridge's back was turned.

Harry grinned back at him.

" _Well, at least you didn't make her face explode,"_ Hermione whispered to Harry.

" _That's actually a good idea, Hermione! Thanks!"_ Harry whispered back.

" _Do you remember what I said about murder, Harry?"_ Hermione arrowed her eyes at him.

It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes. _"Relax, Hermione. She's not worth the risk of Azkaban…"_

As Harry returned to not doing Umbridge's instructions, he heard Hermione's sigh and a mutter questioning why she still hung around him when he was like this.

"Because you love me and I'm your best friend, that's why…" Harry whispered.

Hermione rolled her eyes again and turned slightly away from him.

He chuckled at her reaction.

She thought he was crazy by doing all of this?

It was doing all of this that kept him from _not_ going crazy…


	25. Chapter 25

"Hello, everyone. I trust that you all had a good Christmas holiday?" Harry stood in front of the DA, pacing up and down in front of them.

"I had a pretty interesting holiday with my parents and sister myself," Padma was the first to speak up. "they took Parvati and I to India for it, to visit some relatives there. Also did a bit of exploring as well and learned loads."

Parvati rolled her eyes.

"I also managed to acquire a book with some interesting Indian spells in it while there. Two, actually. I got a copy for you as well. Consider it a gift or payment of sorts for helping us out with the DA and all that." Padma shrugged.

"Thanks, Padma!" Harry flashed her a grin with Padma returning a small smile. "Give it to your sister to give to me when you can."

Harry turned to the others in the group. "What about the rest of you? Did you learn anything over the holidays that you think could be of use to us? Spells of any kind, information that's going to affect us here at Hogwarts? Things of that nature!"

They spent a few minutes catching up on the relevant topics before Harry got into the true topic of their meeting.

"Great! Now that we've got all of that perfunctory-"

 _"I'm surprised that he still remembers how to use such large words,"_ Hermione whispered to Ron.

 _"What does that word even mea- oh, wait. Never mind. Context clues and all that,"_ Ron whispered back to Hermione.

Harry pretended not to hear them.

"-issues out of the way, we get to the real point of this meeting. Today, we can get started on seemingly harmless spells and using them against your opponent. _Think about it!_ " Harry exclaimed. "They won't be expecting 'little' or 'weak' spells in a serious duel, now would they? _NO!_ " Harry shouted, startling several of them.

"Even in everyday situations, those seemingly harmless spells could be used in ways that would make them lethal. Again, think about it! A well placed trip jinx when your opponent is close to the edge of somewhere high. A few tickling jinxes where they _literally_ die of laughter because they can't breathe. How about a simple levitation charm going wrong when you're rearranging the furniture in your house, accidentally crushing yourself or someone else? There'd be much more than furniture to clean afterwards..." Harry trailed off as he took in the horrified looks on the faces of most of the DA members.

 _Most_ of them.

Fred and George actually looked thoughtful as did Luna, but the Creevey brothers looked downright eager, which would have scared him in the past, but now, Harry was too far gone to care.

Harry chuckled at their reactions.

"Oh, come on! If we're going to do well in the real world, we're going to have to think a little bit differently to Voldemort and his Death Eaters..." As Harry raised his wand, those nearest to him scrambled to get out of the way, eliciting another chuckle from him.

"Ron, if you would assist me with this one?" Harry flicked his wand, casting a charm that produced bubbles under and around his red-headed best friend's feet.

Caught off guard, Ron slipped and fell, but not before Harry had cast a Cushioning Charm to break his fall.

"See?" Harry gestured to the fallen Ron, who had started swearing as soon as he hit the floor. "That was a simple spell that you could use to help yourself out when doing some cleaning around the house. Dishes? Laundry? Various surfaces? You're all set. _However,_ twist its purpose and you get this."

He inclined his head towards Ron who was giving him a look of sheer loathing, even as Hermione and Susan helped him up.

"Now, pair up with each other and have a go for a few minutes with what I've told you in mind. I'll help you as you need." Harry inclined his head to them, giving them the signal to go ahead.

* * *

"What you did back there," Colin started towards Harry once the meeting was over, his brother close behind him. "I saw it."

"Oh?" Harry raised an eyebrow at the younger boy. "What do you think that you saw?"

"Using everyday spells to bother the soul out of Umbridge, of course!" Colin exclaimed.

Harry started at him.

" _Well,_ that wasn't really the point of it, but do what you will, I suppose. Little things for now, just to offset her. Remember, that as much as Umbitch is horrible, _Voldemort is so much worse._ "

"Harry's right, Colin." Dennis spoke up. "Being able to defend ourselves and others is the real goal here."

" _Let's just make things clear here, though,"_ Harry's face broke out in a grin. "That _doesn't_ mean you can't practice a bit on the old toad, now does it?"

Colin and Dennis looked at one another, then burst out laughing.

"Oh, Harry, I swear, you should be a comedian and not an Auror like the rumours say you want to be!" Colin exclaimed.

"Remember what I said about rumours?" Harry raised an eyebrow at him.

"I remember!" Dennis exclaimed. "They're mostly lies and shouldn't be trusted!"

"I just had a _marvellous_ idea, though."

A look of dawning recognition appeared on Harry's face. " _Rumours._ They say that actions speak louder than words, but we can combine the two to drag Umbridge's sanity right out of her and throw it right into the Great Lake for the Squid to tear to pieces!" Harry cackled, his previously relatively calm demeanour disappearing, much like he had been in the previous term when he first decided to act.

"I'm so glad you got us involved in this, Harry. This is going to be _so much fun…_ " Colin chuckled.

"Remember, boys. _Rumours_ are the order of the day and _subtle,_ everyday spells, if you must," Harry made sure to remind them. "Nothing too flashy. Make her lose her guard a bit, all while still giving her a healthy dose of paranoia."

"Gotcha, Harry!" Dennis exclaimed with a smile.

"Now," Harry checked his watch. "We have to get out of here. Don't want to get caught out of bounds by her or her minions, now do we?"

"Not at all!" Colin and Dennis exclaimed in unison, looking briefly horrified.

"A Disillusionment Charm should help," Harry suggested. "Just remember that you're still solid though, so don't go bumping into anyone you don't want to find you!"

"Right. Let's go, Colin, let's go!" Dennis and Colin hurried to apply the Charms on themselves and hurried out of the room.

Harry checked the Marauder's Map to ensure that they were well on their way before leaving the Room of Requirement himself.

* * *

In her office, just as Umbridge was getting ready to wrap up her work for the evening, a chill ran down her spine.

" _Potter,"_ she snarled. _"He's up to something, isn't he?"_


	26. Chapter 26

Harry was calmly eating his breakfast one morning, as he discussed various spells from around the world with Hermione, who was rather enthusiastic about the discussion.

"It really is nice to see you actually taking an interest in your school work for a change!" she smiled at him.

"Yes, well, when you have to deal with people like Snape and Umbridge simultaneously, all while the general public thinks you're a deranged madman because you tried to warn them about the evil, deranged madman out there, academia is actually a nice distraction from it all." Harry shrugged.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Really, Harry? _Really?_ "

"Yes, really. I'm determined to get the highest grade in the Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL. If the others come along nicely, that would be fantastic, but this one would really be sticking it to them!" Harry chuckled.

"You should really want to achieve something like that for yourself. Not just to rub it in the faces of people you don't like!" Hermione exclaimed.

"It _is_ for myself!" Harry insisted. "Great marks _and_ succeeding where they never thought I could? It's a bloody two for one special!"

As Harry took a sip from his orange juice and before Hermione could reply to that, the morning post began to arrive and with it, the various deliveries of that day's Daily Prophet.

He caught a glance of Hermione's copy (having long ago cancelled his own subscription for obvious reasons) and nearly spat out his orange juice in a rather unpleasant surprise.

"What in the... well, things just got _distinctly_ more unpleasant." Harry's eyes widened as a swear left his lips.

"I echo that sentiment entirely." Hermione's expression became stonier and stonier as she read, taking in the pictures of the ten Azkaban escapees taking up nearly the entire front page of the newspaper.

"Bloody hell," Ron actually stopped eating and stared at the newspaper when he caught sight of the headline.

"It really will be a literal bloody hell with that lot out and about!" Ginny piped up from her own seat across and a few seats away from them, sharing a copy of the Prophet with Colin.

Harry glanced up at the Staff Table.

All of them had copies of the Daily Prophet out and all of them had grim expressions.

Umbridge, in particular, looked as if she had swallowed an entire pitcher of sour milk.

Harry filed away that idea for later.

Looking around the Great Hall to take in the reactions of Hogwarts' other inhabitants, he noted the various expressions of disbelief and horror amongst them as the news spread.

"Voldemort's really making some major moves now, isn't he?" Harry frowned.

Then he noticed Neville.

Neville staring into the faces of the Lestranges.

The people that Harry knew had tortured his parents into insanity.

His expression looked as if he both wanted to cry and punch someone in the face.

Laughter from the Slytherin table had Harry glancing over there, only to see Malfoy and his cronies having a good laugh about the headline.

Harry twitched.

Glancing back at Neville, he noticed that he too, had noticed, judging by the clenched fists and the twitching eye.

Getting up suddenly, he walked over to Neville and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Walk with me, Neville..." Harry inclined his head towards the door.

Without a word, Neville got up and followed him.

* * *

The two boys stood back to back in the midst of several destroyed dummies, resembling the various Death Eaters, Snape, Umbridge and Voldemort which Harry had asked the Room of Requirement for when they got there.

Both of them breathed heavily; sweating slightly as they lowered their wands.

"Well, I feel a _little_ bit better," Neville spoke slowly.

"Destroying stuff always does that for me, I find. It's kept me from murdering Umbridge so far," Harry said. "though honestly, some might not really consider that a good thing."

"Yeah, I've heard stories about the stunts that you pulled." Neville chuckled. "Is it true that you really redecorated Umbridge's office? I mean, I heard stories about it, but you of all people should know how the Hogwarts rumour mill goes..."

 _"Indeed."_ Harry muttered. "But yes, it was me. And others."

"I wish I could have seen it," Neville chuckled. "The things I heard about it..."

"Well, if I ever learn how to work a Pensive, you could." Harry shrugged. "Say, what time is it, anyway?"

Neville checked his watch.

"We'll be late for Umbridge if we don't leave now!" Neville's eyes widened.

 _"Oh?"_ Harry perked up. _"Oh really?"_

"Yes, Harry. Really! You might be able to stand up to her without caring, but my Gran would have my hide!" the other boy began to look extremely worried.

"Your Gran actually strikes me as the type that could chew Umbridge up for breakfast, bone and all, actually." Harry shuddered at the very thought.

"Don't say that around her. She might get ideas!" Neville exclaimed. "On the other hand, though..."

"Yeah... about class, Neville. Do you feel up to going?" Harry pressed.

"I suppose we should. Even though it'll be a waste of time." Neville sighed.

"Trust me, if she tries anything. It won't be a waste of time. I'll make it into entertainment. Outright revenge, if she goes too far. I long ago decided not to let the old bitch bother me, anyway." Harry shrugged.

"Let's get going then." Neville reluctantly left the room, with Harry taking his own sweet time to follow him.

* * *

Neville scrambled into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, while Harry strode in behind him; cool and calm as ever.

They were the last students to arrive in the still chilly classroom and grabbed the last two seats available, near the back of the classroom.

They hadn't seen Umbridge when they got there, so both of them nearly jumped out of their skins. when she appeared behind them suddenly.

"Care to explain exactly why you thought you could just walk into my class at any time you please?" she spoke up in her usual tone.

"Sweet Merlin, woman! Don't sneak up on people like that! You could have given us both heart attacks!" Harry clutched his chest, eyes wide. "Though I suppose you wouldn't know about that sort of thing, what with you not having a heart and all."

Neville fought back a snicker, though he wasn't the only one, some more successfully than others.

"Where were you and Mr Longbottom, _Mr Potter?_ " Umbridge narrowed her eyes at them.

"We were somewhere discussing current events. Ten of Voldemort's top minions just escaped Azkaban, you see. We were both wondering what they'd get up to at the Death Eater reunions and we don't think it's going to be games of Chess and Gobstones." Harry shrugged.

Several of the students gasped at the mention of Voldemort's name and Harry fought down his own chuckle when he saw the look on Umbridge's face.

Harry looked her straight in the eye, his expression never wavering. "Keep looking at me like that. Perhaps I ought to send a Pensieve memory of it to the Prophet. Being the rag that it is now, your visage would fit in with the other trash in it quite well."

Neville of all people, could no longer hold in his laughter, beginning to laugh so hard that tears started flowing from his eyes.

His classmates weren't any better off.

"What was that you were about to say?" Harry continued on in his falsely sweet voice. "You usual 'Voldemort isn't back' routine? He is, but I'm not going to waste my oxygen telling you again. In fact, why are _you_ wasting oxygen denying it? I think you owe the universe an apology for stealing oxygen from it. Oh, _wait..._ " Harry adapted a thinking sort of expression, as if he were in deep thought. "on second thought, keep on denying it. Then if Voldemort deems you important enough to personally kill (which I doubt), the problem will solve itself. Then I could come and do the 'I Told You So' dance on top of your final resting place- _if_ there's a body left to bury afterwards."

The gasps he heard from his classmates told him that he _might_ have gone too far.

Well, at least, in _their_ opinion.

Umbridge's face was going from pink to red.

"Leave. McGonagall's office. Now." she pointed to the door.

Harry took up his rucksack (which he hadn't even bothered to unpack) and with a cheeky little wave to his classmates, left the room with a bit of a hop in his step.

"I don't even care if I get expelled anymore," Harry chuckled. "I just wonder which one would piss them off more: going to Beauxbatons or going to Ilvermorny..."


	27. Chapter 27

Harry walked calmly into Professor McGonagall's office after receiving permission to enter when he knocked.

McGonagall looked up from the stack of essays she was grading and immediately frowned upon seeing who it was.

"What did you do this time, Mr Potter?" she asked sternly, setting the papers aside.

"I stood up for myself in Umbridge's farce of a class again. She'll probably be along shortly to complain. Sorry about that, by the way." Harry looked apologetic. "About bringing her here, not for standing up for myself. I'll _never_ be sorry for that..."

McGonagall sighed, putting her head in her hands.

"Potter, what am I going to do with you?" she asked him once she deigned to look at him again. "Do you really _want_ to be expelled from Hogwarts?"

"Not really, no." Harry shrugged. "Certain flaws aside, Hogwarts is a pretty amazing place to be. If she does actually succeed in getting me expelled though, I have a backup plan."

 _"Oh?"_ McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Explain yourself, Mr Potter."

Harry was about to do just that when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," McGonagall ground out, realising who it must be.

The door opened and in walked Umbridge in all her pink glory.

Harry fought down a shudder.

"I wish that I had to come to pay you a visit under more pleasant circumstances, Professor McGonagall, but this matter cannot be allowed to go on for much longer!" Umbridge exclaimed.

 _"No visit involving you could ever be pleasant,"_ Harry thought, rolling his eyes.

"What might the circumstances of this visit be, then?" McGonagall looked as if she would rather be anywhere else in the castle than in the same room with Umbridge.

"Potter and his continued attacks upon my person! They have gone on long enough!" Umbridge screeched.

"I thought that when certain... incidents were investigated, we could find no conclusive proof as to who was responsible for any of them?" McGonagall reminded her. "I do not know about yourself, but I do not punish students without proof of their alleged transgressions.

Umbridge scowled.

"In any case, there are quite a number of students amongst the populace that fancy themselves as pranksters. Mr Potter has never been known to be amongst those. Why would he start now?" the Transfiguration professor asked.

"It is not just that, but his continued insolence towards me! He refuses to show up for my detentions, does not seem to care how many points I take away from Gryffindor, is rude to me any chance he gets and I suspect he is encouraging others to do the same against me!" Umbridge nearly shouted.

McGonagall looked her up and down scornfully before turning her gaze onto Harry.

" _Well?_ Explain yourself, Mr Potter. You heard the charges. I can assure you that this is not a kangaroo court, unlike any prior experiences you may have had."

Harry fought down a grin. At least she was willing to hear him out instead of immediately bowing to Umbridge's fancied power...

He glanced over at Umbridge's face just then and judging by the sour look on her face, she too, had caught the implication.

" _I am waiting,_ Mr Potter." McGonagall spoke sharply, cutting him off from his daydreaming.

"Oh, right. Well, you see, in this particular class, I happened to show up late with Neville. We were discussing the latest Azkaban escapees, you see..." Harry started off his story.

When he finished, McGonagall looked at him for a few seconds before speaking.

"While I understand your... _sentiment,_ Mr Potter, you cannot just go around blatantly disrespecting professors. No matter how much you dislike them," she shot Umbridge a side eye.

"No disrespect to _you,_ Professor McGonagall, but I think that Umbridge here is a professor in name only. That is to say, _not at all._ " Harry disagreed.

"Be that as it may-" McGonagall cut off an objection from Umbridge. "it is still not acceptable for you to be doing that so blatantly. Or _wise_ for that matter. You don't even speak to _Professor Snape_ like that."

"Petty grudge against my father that carried over to me, his bullying of children and lack of any sort of teaching skill aside, at least he actually knows what he's talking about in potions. Oh, and he doesn't maim his students for disagreeing with him. They tend to do that to themselves. At least, physically. I'm sure the bullying maims them mentally." Harry shrugged.

"Unfounded accusations-" Umbridge started up before McGonagall cut her off again.

"While I must admit surprise that you are _actually defending Snape_ in any sort of way given your history, the point still stands. Such blatant disrespect against a... _Professor,_ " she looked pained to refer to Umbridge as such. "has to be punished. Since you do not respect her punishments, you will have to respect mine. I am taking fifty points from Gryffindor and you will be on a week's probation. Detention every single evening with me. If you dare put a foot out of line this week, if you are late by even a minute to any of those detentions without good reason such as a dragon flying through the halls, I will be _forced_ to have Professor Dumbledore put you up for suspension. With your _official_ guardians. As in those people that the Ministry has you registered as living with." McGonagall eyed Umbridge as she spoke.

Harry looked truly horrified at the thought.

Not at the idea of suspension, but of who exactly he'd have to spend it with if he were to leave Hogwarts for it.

Never mind his contingency plans for suspension or expulsion but he wanted to see the Dursleys as little as he possibly could.

Possibly never again.

"There is no bloody way in hell that I'm going back to the Dursleys early. No bloody way!" Harry exclaimed vehemently. "I'd rather Death Eaters capture me and take me to Voldemort... well perhaps that's taking it too far, but _I'm not going!_ "

Umbridge looked between McGonagall and Harry, seemingly pleased at the thought of some sort of threat which could actually keep him in line.

" _Well,_ while it is not as harsh as I would like I suppose an arrangement like this will suffice for now." she smiled the kind of smile that made Harry just want to forget about magic and punch her in the face. "Mr Potter you are on one week's probation. If you put so much as a hair out of line, I _will_ have you suspended!"

"Fantastic, Professor Umbridge. Now that the matter has been sorted out, you may take your leave. I wish to speak to my charge here, alone." McGonagall got up and practically shoved Umbridge out the door, shutting and locking it with her wand.

"She's gone and she won't be able to hear us even if she wasn't." McGonagall spoke as she went back to her desk. "Seriously, what are you thinking? Are you _trying_ to get expelled?"

"Trying? No. I have backup plans if that happens, but I'd rather not." Harry shrugged. "I refuse to go back to the Dursleys early if I'm suspended though. I'd disappear faster that Voldemort's morals."

McGonagall glared at him, likely for his flippant use of Voldemort's name. "Either way, Mr Potter. The point still stands. The Ministry is definitely not on your side right now. I would not be surprised if they contrived a situation to get you thrown into Azkaban! You must learn to control yourself. Know when to pick your battles. As for your potential suspension... do you really believe that I would allow you to return to the Dursley residence any sooner than you have to? You would go back to Grimmauld Place, if I had my way- though that wouldn't really be much of a punishment, now would it?" she raised an eyebrow.

Harry looked greatly relieved. "So, about that probation..."

"It still stands, Mr Potter. Professor Umbridge is... _difficult,_ but she wins if you let her get to you that much. I would hate to see you expelled because of her." she flicked her wand at the door and it unlocked itself.

"You may leave now, Mr Potter. But _remember my words..._ "

* * *

"Probation, really?" Hermione raised an eyebrow as she, Harry and Ron made their way to dinner later that day.

"Yes. One hair out of line and I'm going to get suspended." Harry shrugged.

"So, how long do you think it's going to take before she finds an excuse to have you suspended anyway?" Ron asked.

"She'd have me outright expelled already, if she could. Hell, I'm tempted to get suspended on purpose, just to get a week away from her presence!" Harry exclaimed.

Hermione looked scandalised.

"Let's just see how this week goes, shall we?" Harry put his arms around both his best friends' shoulders. "Let's live in the now, instead of focusing on a person that makes Trevor look like a supermodel..."


	28. Chapter 28

"You truly wish to be expelled, _don't you?_ " McGonagall spoke to Harry as she opened her office door to let him in for his first of the series of detentions he had with her.

Harry looked as if he wanted to make a sarcastic remark, but one look at the look on McGonagall's face had him thinking better of it.

"I'd rather not be chased out of the school by her, Professor, but if it comes down to it..." Harry shrugged.

"With your current antics against her however, I sincerely hope that you've planned for life after an early departure from Hogwarts." McGonagall frowned as she went back to her seat and looked straight at him, unblinking..

Harry kept his face straight.

McGonagall sighed. "Let's get into the crux of this detention, shall we? You should be glad that I took them on rather than her. I have no doubt in my mind that she would have something especially horrendous planned for the likes of you."

"Don't I know it." Harry shuddered. "Having to be in the same room as her is punishment enough."

 _"It is indeed..."_ McGonagall murmured before she could stop herself.

Harry fought back a grin as he rummaged around in his bag for the required quills and ink.

"Now, I know that she recommended lines, but she did not exactly say what kind of lines they were supposed to be. Therefore, Potter, as she refuses to teach you anything useful, I want you to write an essay about ways in which you may use Transfiguration in a duel."

Harry was openly grinning.

"Stop grinning like that, Potter. You're not supposed to enjoy detention. It is a _punishment._ "

Harry could see that his Transfiguration professor's heart wasn't truly into the scolding, judging by the hint of amusement in her words.

"Alright, Professor. I'll get to work on it..." Harry set out his supplies and threw himself into the work to such a degree that he didn't notice the time flying by only realising that the 'detention' had ended when McGonagall called his attention to it.

* * *

"So, how was the detention?" Hermione asked as she, Harry and Ron sat in a corner of the Common Room, all on their own that night, with all the other Gryffindors having already gone to bed.

"It actually wasn't bad. It felt more like extra Transfiguration lessons, to be honest..." Harry shrugged.

"Better than the extra Potions lessons you're supposed to be getting..." Ron spoke in a deadpan voice as he referred to the cover story for Harry's Occlumency lessons.

"Really?" Hermione perked up. "What does Professor McGonagall have you doing then?"

"Not practical lessons that's for sure," Harry chuckled. "even that would be pushing it too far for her. This evening, she had me write an essay on the uses of Transfiguration in a duel. I actually had fun with it. I got to be really... _creative_ with it. It actually wasn't so bad."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you wrote some crazy things in it, going by your recent history..." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, like turning a guy's arms into pillows or turning some unfortunate bloke's legs into tentacles or something." Ron snorted.

"Nah, Ron. I wouldn't do that." Harry spoke with a straight face. "I daresay he might actually _enjoy_ it, especially if he's into certain types of Muggle entertainment..."

 _"Harry!"_ Hermione exclaimed, looking scandalised. "That's depraved!"

"Hermione, how did you even get my reference if it's so depraved?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "I think this is a _classic_ case of pot calling the kettle black! You're clearly less prude than I thought!"

Hermione gave him a look that would have made lesser beings wither before its fury.

As it was, Harry had faced multiple people and creatures trying to kill him, so he wasn't really phased by it at all.

Ron looked between the two of them, clearly not understanding what was going on.

"I have a question," Ron started but Harry and Hermione hushed him.

"So, _inappropriat_ e topics aside," Hermione scowled at Harry's grin. "what are you going to do with yourself now that you're on tenterhooks with _her?_ "

"I have disciples," Harry spoke calmly. "and associates. They can continue to carry on my noble work where I cannot. In the meantime, I can more than make up for it by stepping up our efforts in Dumbledore's Army. I think we should start focusing on how we could use Transfiguration in a duel. My father was supposedly top of the class in that subject, so let's see what _I_ can do with you lot about it, shall I?"

"There's one way to look at it..." Hermione looked unsure.

"Relax, Hermione! I may be teetering over the edge right now, but I have no idea of letting that bitch win and push me out of here. _I_ belong here more than she does and I'll be damned if I let her win!" Harry declared.

Ron cheered.

"There's the spirit, Ron!" Harry patted him on the back. "Now, let's go get some sleep. If I don't get enough sleep, I get cranky. And if I get cranky, I may just end up Avada Kedavra-ing someone."

"And that someone _certainly_ isn't worth the risk of a stay in Azkaban Prison, now is she?" Hermione nodded in agreement.

"Precisely!" Harry stretched and lazily extracted himself from the chair. "Full speed ahead up to our beds! Morpheus awaits!"

He paused halfway up the steps to the boys' dormitory, causing Ron, who was close behind him, to crash into him.

 _"What the hell?"_ Ron muttered, fighting to prevent himself from stumbling back down the stairs.

"Ron, is Morpheus a wizard?" Harry wondered, the idea just occurring to him.

"Shut up and go to bed Harry. I want to sleep too."

"Some friend you are..." Harry scoffed as he continued his trek up the stairs.

"I'm a friend that wants sleep," Ron grumbled as Harry opened the door to the dorm pushing him past him and flopping into bed fully clothed.

Harry looked across at him and snorted, before getting ready for bed himself.


	29. Chapter 29

The next Defence Against the Dark Arts class that Harry had, he was surprisingly well behaved in it.

Not a single sound came from Harry's mouth (or any other parts of his body for that matter) for the entire lesson.

Having (mostly) gotten used to his antics in that particular class by now his classmates had come to expect said antics, as they were very much the light in the darkness that was the drudgery of a Defence Against the Dark Arts class as 'taught' by Umbridge.

However, this class had gone back to its usual monotonous state; to how it was before Harry had gone crazy- or _crazier_ in some of their opinions.

It unnerved them.

Umbridge looked at him with an unusually smug look on her face, which would normally set Harry off in some way, yet he failed to react even slightly, maintaining a stoic expression the entire time.

Not only did it unnerve them, it also bored them.

When they were clear of her class and headed for the Great Hall for their next meal, some of them confronted him about it.

"Hey, Harry! What was that about in the last Defence Against the Dark Arts class?!" Dean exclaimed as he caught up to him just outside the Great Hall's doors.

Harry shared a look with Ron and Hermione, who had been walking on either side of him.

"Nothing in particular," Harry shrugged, continuing on towards where the food was.

He was feeling hungry enough to rival Ron in an eating contest- which, knowing Ron's appetite, was truly saying something.

Dean looked at Seamus as Harry sped off, leaving them behind.

"Why was he so... _calm_ in class today?" Parvati wondered.

"Yes, exactly! I missed his antics! That was the best thing about that class!" Lavender exclaimed.

"Harry is currently being polite and temporarily sane under threat of suspension," Ron spoke quickly as he too, ran towards the food.

Hermione looked exasperated as she watched him move.

Sighing, she moved briskly after them, hoping that Harry hadn't relapsed and started bedlam in the brief amount of time since he had left her sight.

* * *

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron had found themselves seats at the Gryffindor Table and began to pile the food onto their plates even before they had been properly seated.

"You two seem rather hungry," Alicia remarked as she observed them started to shovel down their food.

"Yes, well, it's one of the few things left about Hogwarts that I enjoy," Harry spoke between mouthfuls. "the food. The gloriously greasy delicious food.

"Indeed," Ron nodded in agreement, his cheeks puffed out with potatoes.

Hermione arrived at that point, gave the two boys a scornful look at the way they were eating and sat down some distance away from them, making it a point to eat especially properly in comparison to them.

"Hey, Harry," Ron spoke as he attacked some chicken in a manner that if it wasn't already dead it certainly would be in his hands. "what are you planning on doing now that Umbridge won?"

"Won?" Harry turned to raise an eyebrow at him, but the effect was somewhat ruined by the presence of gravy stains around his mouth. "My dear best friend, she has not won. Not really."

Ron looked confused. "But Harry, she..."

"I'll allow her to think that she's won. The threat of having to spend any more time than necessary with the Dursleys would be enough to horrify anyone. That being said, if they _did_ send me there I'd be in and out of that bloody hellhole faster than you could say _rule breaker._ " Harry continued eating contentedly.

Ron just looked even more confused.

"All will be explained in good time. In the mean time, I have to keep my head down even more than before." Harry shrugged.

About halfway through the meal, Hermione decided to take the risk of sitting near to Harry and Ron again.

After a few seconds of her starring at him as they both ate he turned to her.

"Why are you staring at me?" Harry asked.

"Just trying to figure out what you're going to do next before you actually do it, so that I have time to run for cover." Hermione poked at her chicken, then resumed neatly cutting it up and primly eating it, once she had finished speaking.

"Hermione, I'm never going to eat as nicely as you do so stop trying to influence me otherwise," Harry remarked.

"I always eat like this," Hermione rolled her eyes. "Just because you're clueless and finally noticed how I eat, doesn't mean I never knew the rules of basic etiquette."

It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes.

Just as dessert started, Harry looked down the table to see Colin look up at him a mischievous look in his eye.

Harry looked towards the door and back at Colin again.

Colin winked, his wand arm going discretely under the table towards the Slytherins' side of the Great Hall.

Harry shuddered and looked away.

Despite everything Harry had ever been through, and regardless of his apprenticeship of sorts with the younger Gryffindor, Colin _still_ managed to creep him out sometimes.

Harry looked back at Hermione who, by now had realised that something was wrong and was looking between him and Colin suspiciously.

Watching the Slytherin table, he saw a pie float from near Goyle's head, only to land in Tracey Davis' hair.

Tracey blinked, before she realised what had happened.

Now, it should be known that Tracey Davis was the most Gryffindor-ish Slytherin in their year.

Meaning, that she didn't take nonsense from anyo other student regardless of House placement or age.

When she noticed the direction the pie had come from, after wiping some of the cream out of her face and hair she turned towards Goyle, who still looked clueless as to the impending danger.

Slytherin or not, one does _not_ mess with a girl's hair and get away with it.

With a loud screech ain to that of a banshee, she stood up and flung a bowl of chocolate ice-cream straight into his face.

Daphne Greengrass, who had been seated next to her scrambled to make her way out of the Great Hall.

Malfoy, seated next to Goyle caught some of the ice-cream in his overly slicked hair letting out the most unmanly of horrified screeches that Harry had ever heard.

Millicent, across from Tracey, ducked when Goyle flung a slice of cake at Tracey and his aim missed horribly.

Instead of hitting Tracey (the intended target) or Millicent (who it would have it if she hadn't ducked), it splattered into Zacharias Smith's hair and down his back.

Harry chortled at his expression.

"Couldn't happen to a better bloke," he wheezed between laughs. "except Malfoy and his goons!"

Harry swept up as much Treacle Tart off the table as he could carry and sprinted at top speed out of the Great Hall just in time to avoid the carnage that had spread to the Gryffindor Table, chortling as he went.

Umbridge couldn't blame him for that one.

Oh, she would _try_ to but he neither planned nor participated in it, so he wasn't guilty of a bloody thing and there was nothing she could do about it.

" _Harry Potter!_ I swear to Merlin I-"

When he turned around to see Hermione, he didn't even bother to try and stop himself from laughing.

She had cream in her hair and bits of various desserts sticking down her front having not bothered to clean herself in favour of getting out of the culinary combat zone as quickly as she possibly could.

Hermione looked ready to hex him, so the sane part of Harry's mind brought out his wand, _just_ in case.

"Not even _dessert_ is sacred to you, you _monster?_ " she growled.

"Hey, aren't your parents dentists? Why are you eating sweet things, anyway?" Harry asked honestly.

Hermione twitched.

Harry took that as his cue to run, laughing maniacally the entire time as Hermione screeched after him and several other students, also fleeing the dessert destruction, caught up to him.

Why hadn't he tried this sort of thing sooner?

The feeling of planting the seeds of chaos was _amazing!_


	30. Chapter 30

_For those of you who followed my Winx Club crossover, **Specialist Potter** , you should be pleased to know that its sequel **Wand Among Wings** is now published, featuring Hermione! Check it out and drop some reviews there!_

* * *

Harry sat in an armchair near the fireplace of the Gryffindor Common Room, idly flicking bits of parchment into it and watching them burn.

Much like how he'd love to see Umbridge go up in flames- whether literally or not, by this point, he didn't care.

He turned his mind back to recent events.

Sometime after the Azkaban breakout, he had used his last Hogsmeade trip to give an interview via Rita Skeeter to The Quibbler, much to Umbridge's ire, resulting in her banning him from Hogsmeade.

As if she could keep him away from anywhere if he really wanted to be there...

She'd also been pushing for him to be suspended, but Dumbledore and McGonagall had quickly put a stop to that, by pointing out the fact that giving interviews was neither against the school rules, nor was it illegal.

She was _still_ seething, much to his utter delight.

There was also the added benefit that the students all around him were beginning to question all that they had been told by the Ministry and by the whispers and rumours that he heard, it was coming from _all_ of the Houses.

 _Including_ Slytherin.

Harry yawned and stretched, ready to get up and get ready for bed.

Wait a minute...

 _Rumours..._

He did mention wanting to start a rumour campaign to the Creevey brothers right after the first DA meeting for the term had ended, but that hadn't really gone anywhere.

Now, though?

Harry smiled a smile that were he in a movie, would have been accompanied by ominous music.

* * *

The next day being a weekend, Harry took Ron and Hermione aside on the grounds and pitched his latest idea to them.

"You of all people should be well aware of how rumours can go wrong, Harry. Are you sure you want to do this?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"When am I ever really sure of anything, Hermione?" Harry chuckled. "But yes, I'm sure of this one. If it works the way that the Hogwarts rumour mill usually does, there'll be no way to trace them back to me anyway. Much less dangerous than my usual 'antics', wouldn't you say?"

"I've seen the results of Harry's imagination before," Ron started. "and if this latest scheme remains true to form, these rumours are going to be so long, twisted and entertaining, that they'd fill a book that even Crabbe and Goyle would want to read!"

"Come now, Hermione," Harry put an arm around her shoulder, despite her eyeing him as if he were a ticking time bomb winding down to its last few seconds before it went boom. "it's a great idea and it's not too outlandish either!"

Hermione side-eyed him. "Harry, what I've learned over the past few months when you started up your anti-Umbridge crusade is that you can make _anything_ outlandish. Even studying and doing homework."

"Ah, yes." Harry smiled as he remembered when he wrote that essay for Umbridge in French and when he studied the textbook she had assigned, just to undermine its contents. " _Good times, good times..._ so are you going to help me out with this or not?"

Hermione sighed, looking as if she was about to regret her next few words.

"Fine. I'll help." she spoke resignedly.

"Marvellous!" Harry exclaimed. "I was thinking that we could mix some truth in these rumours. Just... _artfully exaggerating_ things in certain places."

Hermione rolled her eyes while Ron chuckled.

"How exactly do you artfully exaggerate things, anyway?" Hermione asked.

"By using my imagination," Harry smirked. "Now," Harry eyed Parvati and Lavender out of the corner of his eye, the pair coming in their direction. "Did you know that in one of my detentions, she ended up tripping and her shoes flew off?"

"Really?" Ron spotted the two girls coming and got into the act.

"Oh yes!" Harry exclaimed. "And I saw exactly what led to her being so ungraceful!"

Hermione rolled her eyes for what seemed to be the umpteenth time that day. "What exactly did you see?"

"Webbed toes! Just like a toad!" Harry looked as if he truly believed what he was saying.

" _What..._ do you even know what you're saying? Most toads don't have webbed feet. That's frogs!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Frog, toad, same thing," Harry waved dismissively. "either way, she's related to them."

Hermione took a deep breath to calm herself. " _Anyway..._ Do you think she's _literally_ part toad or perhaps she did some sort of botched Human Transfiguration spell on herself?"

Hermione's act (which wasn't entirely an act) only served to convince Lavender and Parvati, who were now close enough to hear and were not even attempting to hide their eavesdropping.

"Possibly both. Who knows?" Harry shrugged.

"That must have been a horrifying sight," Ron shuddered. "To think that her _face_ is ugly enough, but her feet... dear, sweet, Merlin, that sounds disgusting."

"I'm used to seeing horrifying things by now, so I guess it didn't bother me as much as it would you normal people." Harry spoke nonchalantly.

As Lavender and Parvati ran off giggling to one another, obviously talking about what they had just heard, Harry grinned at his best friends.

" _There we go._ That rumour will be all over Hogwarts before dinner, thanks to those two gossip queens." Harry chuckled.

"Harry, you're amazing," Hermione said. "and not in a good way."

"Hermione," Harry said. "I'm almost offended. _Almost_ being the keyword in the previous sentence."

"Either way, Harry, we're all in this together. Want to go back up to the castle? We could have a game of Chess to pass the time..." Ron looked hopeful.

"Or," Hermione piped up. "you two could get started on your homework. I know that you _both_ have lots of it."

Harry and Ron looked at one another.

"Chess it is then, mate." Harry agreed. "Let's go have that game, shall we?"

The two of them walked off briskly before Hermione could get another word in, leaving her to grumble about being the only sane one of the three.

* * *

"Did you hear that Umbridge is a half-breed herself?" a Hufflepuff girl whispered to her Ravenclaw friend as they entered the Great Hall for dinner.

"No bloody way. _Really?_ " the Ravenclaw sounded shocked.

"Yes! I have it on good authority that she has webbed feet!" the Hufflepuff exclaimed.

Harry smirked to himself as he entered the Great Hall, hearing the whispers and chatters in the crowd of students surrounding him.

"That's absurd," an older Slytherin boy scoffed at the notion that a fellow Slytherin, this time a younger girl had told him about. "Professor Umbridge can't be a _half-breed._ Look how much work she's done against them!"

"But that could just be a cover up for her!" the girl exclaimed. "Trying to hide what she really is by being so outspoken and against them in public!"

Harry even saw Luna and Ginny talking about it, some distance away.

"Why not?" Luna asked. "We've heard of odder combinations..."

" _That's..._ I wouldn't put it past her, the filthy hypocrite. But with Harry in the castle, who even knows what's happening anymore?" Ginny shrugged.

Harry chuckled.

As he got settled in for the meal, with Ron and Hermione sitting on either side of him, he heard several of his housemates talking about the latest product of the rumour mill and smiled as he helped himself to generous portions of meat and potatoes, drowning them both in gravy.

He couldn't wait to see the look on Umbridge's face when she heard this one.

That wasn't even the most outrageous one.


	31. Chapter 31

The meal started off well, by all accounts.

The various students were digging into the food with great fervor as they laughed and chatted as usual with their Housemates, having a good time.

The only unusual thing about it all was the latest rumour spreading through the infamous Hogwarts rumour mill.

"I swear, the rumours around here get more and more outlandish every year," Harry shrugged, as Katie asked him what he thought of the latest one.

 _"Especially when you're the one starting them,"_ Hermione muttered, so that only he could hear her.

Harry rolled his eyes in response and continued to enjoy his dinner while entertaining himself by listening to the conversations of the people around him.

Glancing up at the Staff Table, he noticed that Umbridge had apparently not heard the latest rumour yet, as she was sitting quite calmly while eating her own meal.

"Hello, Harry, our dear friend," Fred greeted Harry.

"How are you doing this fine evening?" George added.

"Quite fine," Harry smiled. "have you two heard the latest rumour going around our beloved school?"

"The one where our least favourite teacher is related more closely than we thought to the creature that she resembles?" George grinned.

Harry laughed.

"We certainly have, oh crazy one!" Fred started chuckling.

"You're hardly one to call _me_ crazy, Fred," Harry retorted. "That's the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard you say!"

"You think that's bad," Ron piped up between mouthfuls. "you didn't have to grow up with those two bastards..."

Hermione eyed him, but said nothing, in favour of ensuring that the food currently in her mouth remained there.

"But yes. Interesting rumour that. I wouldn't be surprised that it was actually true," Harry finally answered the question that he had originally been asked.

"How is that even possible, though?" Angelina asked, started a few seats down and across from Harry, having had the same question posed to her by the twins.

"Well, we _have_ heard of some pretty odd combinations during our time here, haven't we?" George reminded her.

Harry shuddered at the thought of some of them.

"That's impossible, even with magic involved!" Dennis' voice exclaimed loudly from somewhere down the table. "That sounds like something right out of some sort of freakish Sci-Fi experiment!"

"That's quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say!" Harry heard someone from the Ravenclaw table say.

Harry glanced around again, taking in the Hufflepuff table, where a group of girls huddled together, whispering and giggling.

He looked up at the Staff Table again, where this time, Umbridge was frowning.

 _"Ah. I wonder if she's finally heard something..."_ Harry thought.

Hermione looked in the same direction and seemed to be thinking exactly what Harry was when she spoke again. "You do know that you'll be the first one she'll be after when she investigates these rumours, right?"

"Let her try," Harry scoffed. "you as well as I know that the Hogwarts rumour mill is sticker and more complicated than an Acromantula web!"

Ron shuddered at the memories that the mention of the giant spider species brought.

"Regardless, you _know_ that she'll try to pin it on you." Hermione insisted.

"As I said before, _let her try._ If she thinks that this is bad, there's far more of them up my sleeve that are even worse than this!" Harry declared.

"It's your funeral Harry. I wasn't aware that you were suicidal," Hermione shrugged. "then again, judging by the amount of dangerous situations you've been in since we all came to Hogwarts, you just might be..."

Umbridge, at the Staff Table, seemed to be getting more and more agitated.

McGonagall, who had the misfortune of being seated next to her once again, was giving her quite the side-eye as the pink-clad witch seemed to get more and more agitated, before she got up in a huff and stormed out of the Great Hall, the many students and professors all going silent and watching as she went.

Once she was out of the Great Hall, the chatter started up again.

"Maybe she's noticed the glamour fading," George stage whispered.

"Yeah, and she's gone to re-apply it!" Fred added.

"No amount of glamours can help her hide her _true_ form, though!" they exclaimed in unison.

Those nearby their section of the Gryffindor table burst out into such loud laughter at that simple remark, that the others in the Great Hall turned to look at them incredulously.

* * *

The next day, as Harry was heading to the library to get in some study time (still remembering his mission to get as many high grades as possible, _just_ to stick it to the Ministry), he was accosted by Umbridge appearing out of nowhere again.

 _"Potter,"_ Harry somehow managed to not appear startled this time. "come with me."

"I'm sorry Professor, but no can do. I was heading to the library to get in some study time and perhaps finish a few assignments, _yours_ included. Is this really important or can this impromptu meeting wait for another day?"

Umbridge took a deep breath. "It won't be long, Potter."

Harry sighed. "Oh, I suppose I can oblige you, just this once and go after dinner instead..."

Umbridge smiled at him, another action that sent chills down his spine. "Very good, Mr Potter."

Harry followed her back to her office, drawing murmurs from the students milling out and about.

Well, _there_ was an opportunity to start _another_ rumour...

"Mr Potter, I will just get straight to the point as I have no time to waste and apparently, neither do you. _Did you start all of these unfounded accusations against me?_ " Umbridge dropped the sweet veneer as soon as the office door closed behind them, with the finality of a coffin being shut for the final time.

"I didn't do any such thing, Professor." Harry looked offended by the very idea. "Why would you think so? You attended Hogwarts too, didn't you? It can't have been _that_ long ago that you've forgotten how infamous Hogwarts' rumour mill is!" he paused, as if in great thought. "or perhaps, maybe you are old enough to forget. There are glamours and potions and the like to hide one's true appearance, as you've been rumoured to do on a regular basis- though goodness knows you really could have done a better job at it."

Harry fought back a laugh at Umbridge's expression, her face taking on the colour of spoilt cream. "Also, I've read that dementia affects witches and wizards too. Perhaps you should consider getting checked out?" he suggested, putting on a concerned voice.

Umbridge sighed and grumbled under her breath. _"Why do I even bother with this petulant child?"_

Harry pretended not to hear her.

"Fine. You may leave now, Potter. Just know that I'm watching you, Potter. If I _ever_ find out you've had a hand in this..." she threatened him.

Harry folded his arms and rolled his eyes. "You'll see me expelled. I know how it works by now, _Professor._ "

"OUT!"

Harry took the opportunity to dart out of the office.

Once he was some way down the corridor, he broke out into a fit of giggles, causing a pair of Ravenclaw girls walking past to start walking farther away from him, giving him wary looks as they did.

"This is just too easy!" Harry chortled, before composing himself and heading back towards the library to see if he could get any of his planned work done.


	32. Chapter 32

If you haven't yet, go check out my _**Specialist Potter**_ sequel, _**Wand Among Wings**_!

* * *

"I swear, the stories flying around this place are really getting to her," Harry chortled as he sat up in his bed at night, talking to Sirius via the mirror he had given him.

"Sounds like you're having a good time," Sirius was smiling. "Far more than I'm having trapped in this hellhole with Kreacher for company..."

"At least you have my stories to entertain you, right?" Harry reminded him.

"They're the highlight of my otherwise completely monotonous existence." Sirius nodded.

"That one was pretty tame though," Harry said. "I need to get more outrageous than ever. Something that would truly give her an aneurism. I can't do anything too outrageous right now, at least in the physical sense with pranks and all that."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Harry, please don't play with me. I know a prankster when I see one. Even if you're not the one putting the green hair colour potion in her tea, you've got others doing it for you."

"Oh, what a delightful morning that was. Reminds me of the earlier prank that Fred and George pulled on the Slytherins..." Harry smiled.

"As for what other tall tales you could spread about the toad, you've already gone the frivolous route. I suggest you take things up a notch and go really dark with those rumours. Perhaps some of those rumours wouldn't just be rumours either, but the truth." Sirius suddenly looked serious.

Harry was nonplussed by the sudden change in his godfather's apparent mood. " _What?_ What exactly are you getting at Sirius?"

"You've already told and stood by the truth of things that really happened involving you over the past few years. You even took that up to another level when you actually put up with _Rita Skeeter_ of all people, in an effort to get your story out in The Quibbler. Thank Hermione for that, by the way. I never did get to tell her how much I appreciated that bit of entertainment," Sirius grinned briefly.

 _"That wasn't entertainment, that was-"_ Harry's raised voice would have likely woken the other boys in the dorm, were it not for all the charms Harry had put on the bed and its hangings ages ago.

"Calm down Harry. You very well know that I know that! but back to my original point," Sirius cut him off. "rumours with the truth mixed in. You say that she gave out horrendous tasks to do while in her detentions. _Writing with your own blood is pretty up there, I would say._ I'm sure that she hasn't done that to everyone she's given detention to though and those who didn't know about it would be rather horrified to hear about it, don't you agree?"

Harry scowled as he traced the faint scar over his affected hand lightly. "I only wish I could make her cut herself with them again." his eyes hardened.

"I agree," Sirius growled. "If everyone knew about it though- even if there was no proof, it could do quite a bit of damage to her reputation and image is everything in the eyes of people like her."

Harry mulled over it for a minute.

"Well, you're not wrong..." Harry admitted.

"See? I still have great ideas occasionally!"

"I swear, sometimes you behave as if _you're_ the teenager and I'm the adult." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Anyway, Hermione's idea managing to get Skeeter under her heel like that, brilliant. Tell her that too. Not only was it entertaining it was brilliant as well. How did she pull it off?"

"Let's just say that Hermione's pretty ruthless when truly motivated and that Slytherin would be glad to have her if she wasn't Muggleborn..."

Sirius shuddered. _"Really?"_

Harry nodded.

"Well, damn."

Harry chuckled. "Anyway, I've told you all that I have to tell you now. I'll be sure to keep you up to date on all my hijinks here at Hogwarts just like I always do."

"What about your hijinks with the ladies?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, please." Harry waved dismissively. "That was over before it began. Flopped more than a Flobberworm."

"I need to sit you down and give you a long talk about girls. You have such a poor track record with them." Sirius shook his head looking as if of all the things Harry had been through, _that_ was what he pitied him for the most.

"Good night Sirius." Harry rolled his eyes before ending the connection and putting the mirror away.

Sometimes, he could swear that Sirius behaved even more childishly than he did...

* * *

"Well, that's not a bad idea, but to have those rumours cause even more damage to her, we should try to find out about as many other people as possible that she tortured." Hermione offered her thoughts about Harry's latest idea as she and Harry sat together in a corner of the library, quietly discussing it. "I'd rather not bandy those tales about as rumours though, but the actual truth, which, in fact we both know that they are!"

"Well, The Quibbler spread pretty quickly through the school, even though Umbridge banned them... how about our own magazine? Or even just a simple newsletter of sorts?" Harry suggested.

"Not a bad idea, Harry. Not a bad idea at all..." Hermione mused. "Only, how do we get it executed? It's not as if we're The Quibbler, with access to our own printing presses and all the equipment we'd need to pull it off..."

"But, what we _do_ have is access to a certain room which would give us whatever we want." Harry pointed out. "I'm sure we could find all the equipment we need in there, as well as instructions on how to run it all..."

"Yes, yes, that _could_ work..." Harry could practically see the wheels turning in her brain now as she started formulating her own plans.

Harry had learnt a long time ago that when Hermione Granger was in that mode, it was best not to attempt to get her out of it.

"Anyway, we can't really talk about that here, now can we?" Hermione shrugged.

"It would probably be best not to," Harry admitted.

"Right. Back to our History of Magic essays." Hermione went back to academia mode.

Harry groaned. _"Do we have to?"_

"Yes,, we have to. I thought your goal was to show the Ministry that you're not a waste of space when it comes to education?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"It doesn't mean that I have to enjoy it though," Harry sighed as he returned his attention to the books they had gathered. "How much progress do you reckon that Ron's made on his essay?"

Hermione scoffed. "I doubt he's even started..."'

Harry shrugged as he put quill to parchment and attempted work on the essay, his thoughts occasionally wandering back to his latest idea to bring Umbridge down.

* * *

Sitting in her private quarters and reading The Daily Prophet as she reclined in a pink armchair, Umbridge was in a generally cranky mood.

All of a sudden, an all too familiar chill ran down her spine as she scowled.

 _Potter._

He was up to something once again, _she knew it._


	33. Chapter 33

"Hello, Harry Potter." Luna greeted him with a smile as she entered the Room of Requirement (which had been set up to look like a Muggle style boardroom) to see Harry there as well as Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny waiting for her.

"Luna Lovegood! The last of the wondrous party guests to arrive and arguably the most important one too!" Harry greeted her rather enthusiastically even getting up from his plush armchair at the head of the table to hug her, drawing stares from the other four teenagers in the magical room.

"Harry there's no reason to sound _that_ enthusiastic," Hermione rolled her eyes,, from her seat on Harry's left.

"Oh yes, there is!" Harry insisted. "Now that Luna's here, we can _finally_ get down to the task at hand!"

He laughed such a laugh as he led her over to sit on his right, that it would have anyone who didn't know him questioning his sanity, whereas those who _did_ know him knew to be prepared for whatever chaos he was going to cause next.

"What task?" Neville raised an eyebrow. "And why us? What are you planning? The Ousting of Cornelius Fudge from office-"

 _"Don't give him any ideas!"_ Ron hissed.

"-and taking over the Ministry of Magic in his place?" Neville ignored Ron.

"While that is a _wonderful_ idea, Neville," Harry saluted him, making Neville roll his eyes.

Hermione, Ron and Ginny looked at one another, quite fearful of the idea that Harry might topple the Ministry and take charge of it- even in its current state.

"Can you give me a job in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures while you're at it?" Luna asked, a faint smile the only hint that she was joking.

"I'll be sure to make you Department head when that happens," Harry grinned at her. "But back to Neville's question, who has time for all that boring bureaucracy and tedious paperwork? If however, our current actions result in the disgrace and resignation of a few 'higher ups' in the Ministry, then I have no problem with that whatsoever." Harry declared.

"So... what's the purpose of this meeting?" Ginny tried getting him back on track. "Why are we all here?"

"We're all here because..." Harry paused for dramatic effect. "this is a part of my latest scheme to destabilise Umbridge. She _hated_ that interview I gave to The Quibbler and she wasn't the only one, I'm guessing. She may have banned it, but that didn't stop it from circulating, did it? NO!" he banged his fist on the table, startling them all (except Luna).

"So what would you have us do about it then?" Ron asked, looking impatient.

"Ladies and gentlemen... we're going to start up our _own_ school publication." Harry looked positively gleeful at his latest declaration.

The room went silent for several moments as everyone (except Hermione, who knew about it beforehand) stared at him.

Luna was the first to break the silence.

"Using the press as a weapon against her? That sounds like a great idea. What would be my role?" Luna asked, in her usual calm tone.

"Luna, my dear, we all have roles." Harry got up as a marker board appeared behind him and various coloured markers appeared on the table.

"Luna, you're the only one of us with actual journalistic experience, so you can be the Editor-In-Chief." Harry wrote that on the board.

"Sounds like fun," Luna smiled.

"Hermione, _you_ like researching things and nitpicking-" Harry started again, before Hermione cut him off.

 _"Hey!"_ Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "I do not nitpick!"

"Yes, you do!" Ron, Ginny and Neville exclaimed in unison.

Hermione glared at them.

"-so you can be our Fact Checker or Deputy Editor. Ginny, Ron, Neville and I can be the reporters, so to speak and Neville gets an extra special role on top of all that."

Neville looked startled at Harry's last statement. "but me? Why me? _What_ special role?"

"You're the voice of reason for us all. Think about it. Ron and Ginny have quite the reputation about their tempers and that's more than reputation, seeing as that's actually true-"

Harry looked supremely unbothered by the looks that they were giving him.

"Luna is... well, Luna is Luna and we wouldn't have her any other way, but, well, you know..." Harry shrugged.

Neville nodded in understanding.

"What about Hermione though?" Neville glanced at the bushy-haired bookwork, whose expression would have looked completely straight, were it not for the slight frown that one could only see if one looked closely.

"Yes Harry. What about Hermione?" her tone was deceptively calm.

 _"Killed or worse, expelled."_ Harry spoke calmly, quoting her from their first year

Ron snickered as Hermione reddened, while Neville, Ginny and Luna looked curious.

"You've also set a professor on fire,"

Neville looked startled.

"stolen from a teacher's private stores in order to brew a highly regulated and borderline illegal potion, stormed out of a teacher's class, nearly beating the magic right out of Malfoy..." Harry counted them off on his fingers.

"Wait, wait, what?" Ginny sat up straighter in her chair. "When the bloody hell did that last one happen?"

"Third Year." Harry chortled at the look on his female best friend's face. " _Our_ Third Year that is..."

"And I'm just _now_ hearing about this?" Ginny looked incredulous.

"And let's not forget..." Harry spoke with great relish. "...her absolute _ruthlessness_ when she was dealing with Rita Skeeter. We can't forget that. We can't forget that _at all..._ "

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Ruthlessness is good sometimes in getting stories though, isn't it?" Ginny pointed out.

"Yes, but Hermione sometimes takes things a bit _too_ far."

"Like you're one to talk," Hermione shot back. "most of our misadventures here were because of _you_ taking things too far!"

 _"Order, order!"_ Luna spoke a little louder than normal. "We should probably get back down to business and get something done before we leave. I mean, we _do_ have curfews, don't we?"

"See?" Harry gestured to the blonde girl. "This is why I picked her. She knows what she's doing!"

"Thanks, Harry." Luna smiled. "So, if we're really going forward on this, how about a name? We will need one. We can't just call this publication... what is it going to be exactly? A magazine? A newsletter?"

"A newsletter. That's all we're going to need." Harry said.

Luna nodded. "Yes, our newsletter. It's going to need a name. We can't just call it The Voiceless... or can we?"

"How about we just call it The Voice?" Neville suggested. "We are giving a voice to things that should concern fellow students- and the staff, after all."

"Marvellous idea!" Harry nodded. "Yes, yes. The Voice. The Hogwarts Voice."

He wrote it on the marker board and underlined it.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've got an official name for this. Between Dumbledore's Army and this, we're going to really be shaking things up around here and changing things for the better. I know it!"

Ron and Ginny cheered.

"Alright then. There are so many things wrong with this place and with certain staff members in particular. What do we do for our first issue?" Harry sat back down and was all business, the others quickly falling in line.


	34. Chapter 34

Several days later, Harry and company were holed up in the Room of Requirement, putting the final touches on the first edition of the Hogwarts Voice.

"This was more fun than I thought it would be!" Ginny exclaimed as she finished her section of the newsletter and handed it to Luna. "Who knows? Maybe I'll go into journalism after this!"

"This is just a sample of what journalism is really like, Ginny," Luna pointed out. "It can be really stressful, after all..."

"I can handle it, I'm sure." Ginny reassured her.

"I thought you wanted to play professional Quidditch..." Hermione raised an eyebrow at the red-haired girl.

"Well, I'll have to retire from active playing at some time, won't I?" Ginny shrugged. "Perhaps I'll go into sports reporting!"

"As long as you do a better job reporting that than the Prophet is doing everything in it right now, then you'll be great at it." Harry didn't look up from the bit of parchment he was going over with Neville.

"You want to go pro?" Ron sounded shocked. "Since when?"

"It's always been at the top of my list of potential careers after Hogwarts. Just because you don't know what you want to do with your life after you graduate, doesn't mean that I wouldn't." Ginny spoke coolly.

"Ron, _not a word from you._ " Neville cut off the potential argument before it could begin, even as Ron's ears began to turn red, the usual warning sign that he was about to lose it.

"I knew it was a good idea hiring you, Neville!" Harry exclaimed.

Neville rolled his eyes. "You didn't hire me, Harry. You're not paying me, one and two,, you more or less drafted me into this, like a soldier in the army..."

"And what an army it is!" Harry grinned.

Hermione joined Neville in the eye rolling.

"So, has everyone finished their pieces yet?" Luna asked.

With a final flourish of his quill that looked reminiscent of something Lockhart would do, Harry finished off his and handed it to Luna.

"Yep!" Harry nodded enthusiastically.

"Great!" Luna got up from her plush, blue armchair and went over to a printing press in the far corner of the room.

She spent some time arranging the various articles handed to her as she fed them into the machine, then as she muttered a few spells, she tapped the machine in various places with her wand.

It began to stir, the noise of the machine's various parts getting louder and louder from a faint murmur to a small racket that Harry was sure could wake even Ron up from a deep sleep (regardless of how difficult that task usually was).

"There we go," Luna tapped the machine with her wand once more and its noise went down to a more acceptable level. "Now we just wait a few minutes and the first few issues of our newsletter will be printed!"

"Luna, you're a _genius,_ " Ginny beamed.

"That's why I'm in Ravenclaw, I suppose." Luna shrugged.

"Harry, this is all well and good, but how do you propose we actually distribute these so that everyone can read them at least once?" Hermione suddenly spoke up. "I mean, with Umbridge watching you closer than Snape watches Gryffindors to get them into trouble..."

"Peace, Hermione," Harry looked completely calm. "I have my ways. It shall be done."

Neville raised an eyebrow. "You _do_ realise that she'll have you expelled faster than you could say: _'Freedom of the Press'_ right?"

"I'm not worried about that. If the worse comes to pass, I have my backup plans." Harry shrugged, looking completely unbothered.

"You have your backup plans, but what happens to the rest of us who have to clean up your mess?" Ron pointed out.

"He does have a point..." Neville agreed.

"Have faith, Ron. Have faith, Neville. It will all work out."

Luna went over to check on the machine as Harry attempted to reassure the others.

"Oh, look! It's finished printing the first batch!" she exclaimed, lifting a copy off the press.

Harry was at her side faster than a hippogriff on a ferret.

"Excellent," Harry chuckled as he read the finished product thoroughly and found no fault in it. "This is bloody fantastic."

"Let me see!" Hermione bustled over and picked up another copy. "This is great! Turned out better than I thought it would!"

"You have such little faith in me, Hermione. You should be ashamed of yourself, doubting your best friend like that." Harry handed over his copy to Ginny as he spoke.

"I think that with your personality change lately, she's quite right to doubt anything you come up with..." Neville said.

"Even I have my doubts about the things you do nowadays, Harry," Ron piped up. "I feel like it's just a matter of time before they attempt a political assassination on you."

"They already did. The Dementors in Privet Drive count, surely..." Harry shrugged.

The other teens in the room stared at him.

"Dementors?" Neville blinked. "Wait, that was what that farce of a trial you had last summer was about, right? But to assume that the Ministry of Magic sent them there on purpose..."

"I wouldn't put it past them at this point" Ginny muttered darkly.

"All that aside," Harry waved it off. "These newsletters are ready for circulation! As for how they're circulated, don't you worry about that. I've got it covered. _Trust me._ "

None of the others looked as if they wanted to trust him at all.

* * *

 _ **THE HOGWARTS VOICE**_

 _ **Issue 1**_

 _Things at Hogwarts have gone on as they are for far too long. No longer is it a place of learning; a place where our skill with magic grows along with us; instead, it is a place where we are expected to toe the line and keep our heads down and not in the usual way that you would be expected to behave in school._

 _No. This is not regular discipline. This is so-called discipline forced upon us by a rogue Ministry of Magic, a governmental institution which has never before now interfered in the matters of our beloved school._

 _So we ask this: why do they seek to interfere now? Why have they sent a certain so-called professor here to spy on us and restrict our usual freedoms? How can we learn if we are restricted in what we are allowed to ask and what teachers are allowed to teach? Why are they so afraid of us that they don't want us educated?_

 _From here on out, as long as we are able, we will be informing you, the Hogwarts populace, on things that the Ministry doesn't want you to know. You will no longer be kept in the dark._

 _We refused to be dumbed down. We refuse to shut up._

 _This is only the beginning._


	35. Chapter 35

The next morning, the students and staff of Hogwarts began filling the Great Hall as usual for breakfast.

Many of the students were looking forward to a normal, quiet meal, completely free of interruptions from Harry Potter, the Weasley twins, Umbridge or an unholy combination of the three.

Unfortunately for them, it simply wasn't meant to be that morning.

Harry strolled in, a bit later than usual, Ron following.

Hermione, already seated and eating, made space for them next to her.

Ginny and Luna walked in a little while afterwards, talking amicably about Quidditch before separating to go to their respective House tables.

Neville, a few seats down from Harry, Ron and Hermione was engrossed in a rather enthusiastic conversation with Alicia about Herbology, the latter telling the former about her NEWT level coursework.

It was when everyone was settled in and happily consuming the delicious breakfast foods, that everything started going to hell in a hand basket.

"What is this?" Harry looked completely puzzled as sheets of parchment began appearing up and down the entire length of the Gryffindor table, settling themselves between plates and cutlery.

Of course, he was playing the act of the ignoramus very well.

Others started reading the newsletters as well and several varying expressions played out on their faces as they did.

Some looked incredulous, some were angry, some sad, some terrified and there were some that looked as if the news in the newsletter merely confirmed their suspicions.

"Nothing is as it seems," Fred read from the front of the newsletter. He eyed Professor Umbridge, who had not yet even _glanced_ at the newsletter. "Well, we certainly know that…"

"Seriously though. Why would they hamper our education like this?" A burly male sixth year spoke up. "Whether or not you believe that Potter and Dumbledore are lunatics, why would they do this to us? _Out of sheer spite?_ What could we possibly do to them?!" he turned to level a glare at the one professor that managed to rival Snape in terms of levels of student loathing.

Katie, seated next to him, rolled her eyes. "And you're _just_ realising this, McClaggen?"

At the Ravenclaw table, the students there were reading their own newsletters in silence, looking to be in shock as the words on the parchment truly sunk in.

" _We refused to be dumbed down. We refuse to shut up."_ Anthony read aloud, breaking the silence at their table. " _Bloody hell._ Those are fighting words…"

"I know, right?" Padma piped up, her stunned expression providing the Ravenclaw equivalent of her sister's, who was currently having a whispered conversation with Lavender over at the Gryffindor table. "They're not going to let this one go quietly at all. I feel sorry for the people behind this when they get caught!"

" _If_ they get caught!" Michael Corner scoffed. "They had to have known what they were doing when they produced this. I'm sure they were careful enough to cover their tracks!"

Cho and Marietta, who were a few seats away, were reading the newsletter as well- Cho in worried silence, while Marietta's silence seemed to be of the more stony variety.

"Wow. Whoever did this really isn't holding back," Cho whistled. _"This is only the beginning."_

She read it over again. "Damn…"

Marietta glanced up at Umbridge, looking worried as she did, as if expecting her to explode at any moment- whether figuratively or otherwise.

Umbridge seemed entirely focused on the task of eating and still hadn't yet read the newsletter, despite other members of staff at the table beginning to do so, setting aside their food in favour of this latest curiosity.

The Hufflepuffs of Harry's year were seated together, staring at the newsletter in stunned silence.

"This... _they'll be expelled for sure!_ " Hannah exclaimed, horrified.

"If they catch them," Zacharias snickered. "I love this! I can't wait to see what dirt they come up with on the Ministry and the pink toad!"

"I for one hope that they are never caught!" Ernie declared. "This is just what we need at a time like this! This would be the perfect way to bring them down!"

Susan frowned as she read. "This just seems to be an introduction piece, but they say they have things to tell us. Things to expose about certain Ministry officials and why they'd want to keep us uneducated in Defence Against the Dark Arts. This... these are some very serious allegations..."

"Wold your auntie be interested in something like this?" Hannah asked.

"She might," Susan tilted her head slightly as she thought. "If there's anything to actually back up these allegations. Still, it's something that she'll want to be aware of. I'll let her know as soon as I possibly can!"

The Slytherins were a mixed crowd when it came to their reactions to the newsletter.

Some, like Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson were outraged. The current workings of the Ministry were to their benefit.

Others were outraged for a different reason.

Daphne Greengrass, Blaise Zabini and Tracey Davis had sat together on the edge of the Slytherin table closest to the doors of the Great Hall and they'd put a privacy spell up around themselves to talk- though by the looks of things, they weren't the only ones to do so.

Theodore Nott was talking to a pair of female twins somedistance away from them, all three of them looking clearly unhappy.

"This... these people, whoever they are… they are right! Why would the Ministry want to dumb us down anyway?" Daphne looked indignant. "I came here to get a good quality education, but the way things are going, I wish I had gone to Beauxbatons instead!"

" _We refused to be dumbed down. We refuse to shut up._ " Blaise blinked as he looked at the newsletter. "Those are fighting words. Whoever is behind this... they are Gryffindors, I am certain. Only they would have the guts to attempt something like this..."

"How do we know that they _are_ Gryffindors?" Tracey argued. "They could be from any other House too. Why not Slytherin? Not all of us are like Malfoy and his sycophants…"

"That's not also to say that it could be a combination of people from different Houses who are just sick and tired of her nonsense." Daphne pointed out.

"True," Blaise shrugged. "I hope they get far with this with 'The Hogwarts Voice' before they are caught. I for one, would _love_ to know what the Ministry is so eager to hide from us."

Umbridge meanwhile, had _finally_ decided to put aside her meal in favour of reading the newsletter and she seemed to get redder and redder as she read, until she looked ready to explode.

Without saying a single word, she got up, the newsletter in hand and stormed out of the Great Hall, with the eyes of everyone present following her.

Harry, watching this, smiled.

When he glanced over at the Ravenclaw table, Luna met his gaze and winked at him.

" _This is going to be great. We're beyond petty pranks now, Umbridge- though you'll still be getting those. We're at a whole new level of torment."_ Harry chuckled to himself. _"And if it gets you kicked out of Hogwarts in the process, ruining you and several other in the Ministry, it just makes things even sweeter…"  
_


	36. Chapter 36

The Hogwarts Voice was all anyone could talk about for the entire day outside of classes.

Before Umbridge could stop anyone or anything from happening, students had already sent out copies of the newsletter to friends and relatives outside of Hogwarts.

The Owlery had been _entirely_ cleared of school owls in the rush and those who owned owls used their own, also lending them out to some friends who didn't own an owl and were unlucky enough to have not been quick enough to get one of the school owls.

Then there were those students who owned unorthodox methods of communication.

Like Harry did, with the mirror Sirius had given him.

Which he rushed up to his dorm to use during the break.

When he'd finished telling Sirius all about what he had done, the older wizard had looked extremely impressed and made sure to let Harry know just how impressed he was.

 _"That... everything you're doing is brilliant. A stroke of bloody genius,"_ Sirius chortled.

"I know then that you'll be pleased to hear that a copy of The Hogwarts Voice is on its way to you, courtesy of Hedwig. I figured that you'd want to see what the fuss was for yourself that is, if another Order member doesn't get their own copy and shows it to you..." Harry informed his godfather, looking rather smug. "I also put some extra charms on her so that if Umbridge tries to intercept her _again,_ " Harry scowled briefly. "she'll be in for _quite a bit_ of a nasty shock."

"What _kind_ of a nasty shock?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry's answer had Sirius looking terrified.

"That's... that's just evil." Sirius shuddered.

"No less than the bitch deserves. After what she did to Hedwig the last time, I had to be prepared. _Especially_ with its current cargo." Harry shrugged.

"I guess..." Sirius still looked disturbed but let it slide, at least for the moment. "What do you have planned for the next issue?"

"The others and I are thinking about planting the seeds of doubts about Umbridge next time; digging up her background, her time at Hogwarts, her qualifications, how she got to be where she is right now and so on. Then we'll go in for the kill." Harry's smile greatly resembled a shark at that point.

 _"Are you sure you're not in Slytherin?"_ Sirius whistled. "Because all of this is awfully Slytherin of you."

"Well, the Sorting Hat _did_ want to put me there, after all." Harry shrugged. "One of the primary reasons that I decided to stay away from it in the end was that I had met Draco prior and he was already there."

Sirius looked as if he didn't know what part of Harry's statement to comment on.

"Well, don't let me keep you. Go on and do what you have to!"

"The break's almost over, anyway. I'll need to leave up here now. Talk to you later, Sirius."

With that, Harry ended their mirror call.

Cancelling all the protective and anti-eavesdropping charms on the bed as he got out of it, he reached for his school bag and darted down the stairs for his next class.

* * *

Umbridge barely did anything for their class that day, simply entering the class, looking at them all disdainfully before going to her desk and sitting down to write something at a pace that suggested Voldemort himself threatened her to do it as quickly as possible.

Even when the students spoke quietly amongst themselves, most of them barely keeping up the pretence of attempting to read the odious textbook, she didn't seem to have the time to spare them a withering glare, subtract House points or threaten detentions.

When the 'class' ended, all the students got up, immediately dismissing themselves.

Umbridge didn't even voice her objections to this like she would have normally.

"Her head's really up in the clouds today, isn't it?" Hermione looked rather pleased with herself.

"Who's complaining?" Ron snorted. "The less time we have to spend in a room with her and listen to her annoying voice, the better!"

"True," Hermione nodded in agreement. "I can think of several better uses of my time."

Harry, even as he walked with his friends, had his mind somewhere else.

 _"What would be the most effective way to arrange this next article?"_ He wondered. _"I know what I plan to have in my part of the next issue, but how do I word it for maximum effect? I want some bold language in there. Nothing whatsoever that leaves room for doubt!"_

When they reached the Great Hall for dinner later that evening, Harry noticed that there was more inter-House mingling than there usually was.

Parvati sat with her sister Padma, but the two of them were neither at the Gryffindor table or the Ravenclaw table, but were talking to Hannah and a few other Hufflepuff girls at their table.

He spotted some green in the sea of blue at the Ravenclaw table and a few other varying House colours at his own Gryffindor table.

"Bloody hell. Looks like this Hogwarts Voice thing really stirred up a lot of people," Lee stopped to talk to Harry for a bit before going to sit with Fred and George.

Harry nodded, having noticed all the different Houses mingling. "Seems to have done more for inter-House mingling than all of the Sorting Hat's songs about how _we should all be unified and live together in peace and harmony..._ " he spoke the last part mockingly.

Lee chortled. "That's never going to happen. Anyway, see you around. My dinner awaits!"

Lee walked off and Harry shook his head, a small, mischievous smile on his face.

Look at all this chaos he was wreaking with just a few written words.

There was some merit to the saying: _'The pen is mightier than the sword'_ , after all.

Or perhaps, a saying more applicable to the Wizarding world: _'The quill is mightier than the wand'_.

* * *

At that moment, Harry truly had no idea how true his words were.

All over Britain, family members and friends (among others) of those students currently at Hogwarts, were receiving and reading copies of The Hogwarts Voice.

Mr and Mrs Weasley had gotten a copy via Ron's owl and were reading it at the kitchen table, Arthur with a worried look and Molly with a scowl.

Mr Lovegood relaxed in a rather unorthodox looking armchair as he read what his daughter had sent him, smiling as he did.

Other people however, were not as happy about what they were reading.

Lucius Malfoy had received a copy, accompanied by a rather rant-filled letter from his son and as he put the letter aside and turned to the newsletter, his scowl deepening as he read the letter.

How _dare_ some upstart students do something like this!

Then, another thought occurred to him that terrified him.

If by some far off chance, this actually managed to destabilise the Ministry now, the Dark Lord would _not_ be happy, he being quite pleased with its ineptitude now.

He Summoned his travelling cloak and headed off to the Ministry to see if they were aware of this 'Hogwarts Voice' yet.

This would hopefully give _someone else_ the chance to be the one to tell the Dark Lord about this latest development.

Madam Longbottom was with Madam Bones at the Longbottom Estate catching up on things when owls from both Neville and Susan arrived.

"I'm telling you, Augusta! It's impossible to get any truly effective work done at the Ministry with Fudge being the way he is right now. How he ever became Minister, I will never figure it out!" Madam Bones ranted. "At least for now, Dolores is out of my way- though unfortunately Susan has to put up with her now and judging by the letters I've gotten from her since the school year started, my niece is _not_ pleased with the state of affairs at Hogwarts."

She glanced up at that moment to see a tawny owl gliding through the window and perching itself on the armrest of the armchair that she currently occupied.

"That's Susan's owl, Abby. I wonder what Susan has to tell me this time…" Madam Bones raised an eyebrow at the creature as she retrieved its cargo.

Madam Longbottom didn't speak either, as she retrieved the letter from the owl that flew to her.

Both of them sipped their drinks in silence as they read, their expressions growing more and more displeased as they did.

" _Well then,"_ Madam Longbottom's voice was deceptively cool as she spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. "Do you think that these are the rants of rebellious teenagers or do these claims truly have some merit to them?"

"Judging by what I know about Cornelius' plans for that school and Dolores' _lovely_ personality," Madam Bones scowled. "there might actually be some merit to this. However, if they have some truly radical claims like they say, I cannot act unless I have proof of the allegations they say they have."

"Susan already has a way to contact me directly, since I do not trust that her mail isn't being watched because of her connection to me- and as a way to contact me in an emergency, being quicker than Abby here." Madam Bones quickly scribbled a reply on some parchment she had conjured and sent it off with her niece's owl. "I'm sure she'll keep in contact with me about further developments."

"So then, shall we watch and wait? See what happens?" Madam Longbottom asked, writing her own reply to Neville and sending it off.

Amelia nodded. "Watch and see, _then_ act when it's time."


	37. Chapter 37

"Rumour has it that we've caused quite the stir in Wizarding Britain, my fellow wizards and witches!"

Harry stood in front of Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna in the Hogwarts Voice version of the Room of Requirement, grinning like the lunatic he was.

"And you're just enjoying the show aren't you?" Ginny asked.

 _"Bloody right, I am!"_ Harry exclaimed. "This is amazing!"

"Just think though; we're only just getting started and we've caused such a stir," Ron chuckled.

"I quite like imagining how things will turn out once we've accomplished our goal." Luna smiled.

"Right, right." Harry began pacing up and down in front of them. "Now, we've made some pretty bold statements in our opening issue and we really should keep the momentum going. I know that we've dug up some dirt on the old toad's background- as well as a few select members of our highly esteemed and extremely competent government, but we're not a tabloid like what the Daily Prophet is nowadays."

"We'll just use those facts to support our arguments then; highlight the hypocritical stance that the great majority of them seem to have." Hermione shrugged.

"See? I knew it was a good idea to have you on the team, Hermione!" Harry exclaimed.

He banged the table with a flat palm, making the rest of them jump.

"Alright, peers. Let's do this!"

* * *

Working with both the Hogwarts Voice and Dumbledore's Army gave Harry a new zest for life, keeping him much happier than he was when the year first started and Umbridge first showed her ugly face in his beloved school.

With this particular DA meeting, he was working his students particularly hard in the physical aspects of duelling.

"Come on, people! You won't always have time to cast a spell!" he bellowed. "Sometimes you'll have to run, dodge and bend over backwards like you're doing the Limbo!"

The non-Muggle raised of the bunch that weren't actively duelling looked at him quizzically, while the ones familiar with the Muggle dance contest/game rolled their eyes at the comparison.

"And while you're moving, have your next spell ready and firing off because you know they'll try to kill you while you're on the move!" Harry dodged an off-kilter spell from one of the Creevey brothers as he spoke.

"How about a demonstration, Potter!" Zacharias called out.

"Sure! If anyone wants to volunteer to go against me that is." Harry twirled his wand idly, grinning.

They all immediately looked terrified.

"I'll do it Harry!" Luna's voice called out from somewhere in the back of the room.

Harry's grin got even bigger as the crowd parted to let the small, blonde girl through.

Luna was one of the more unorthodox of his students, who he remembered had performed particularly well during those times that the DA was working on using unconventional spells in a duel.

This was going to be _fun._

When she was close and raised her wand, everyone ran for cover.

Even Ron and Hermione, Harry noted, rolling his eyes.

 _Cowards._

Harry raised his wand and cast the first spell, which Luna immediately spun out of the path of, while firing off another spell mid-motion which Harry stepped aside to dodge.

* * *

After his and Luna's duel (which involved several soap bubbles, whipped cream, tickling jinxes, pillows and several other weird items and spells and was ruled a draw by Hermione), Harry decided to call it an early night and opened the floor to any discussion about the session they had just been through.

Instead, it veered off-topic to one that he didn't mind.

"Well, that Hogwarts Voice is something special, ain't it?" Seamus started it.

"I'll say." Terry chortled. "It was quite an entertaining read. Definitely made the right first impression on me!"

Those in the room responsible for the Hogwarts Voice started sharing looks.

 _"Oh?"_ Harry thought. _"This could be interesting to hear..."_

"I wonder who's behind it though. Those were some pretty bloody bold allegations to make!" Hannah exclaimed.

"I'm not so sure that some of the things that they (whoever they are) allege are mere allegations..." Susan scowled. "I've been hearing some positively _awful_ things about Umbitch that would make your hair curl- or straighten it..."

Harry didn't miss the look that she gave Hermione with those words.

"Must be Gryffindors behind it." Zacharias scoffed. "Only they would be so foolish as to openly antagonise her like that!"

At this, Harry shared a look with Ron and Hermione.

"Well, I for one look forward to seeing what these people have to say," Harry heard Ernie say, although he was mildly surprised that he hadn't spoken up before now. "It is about high time that that woman be brought to heel like the monster that she is!"

Everyone in the room turned to stare at him.

"What? She is, isn't she?" Ernie looked completely unbothered by the looks they were giving him. "It's the truth!"

"He's right," Neville piped up. "I've been hearing some pretty horrible rumours about what she does to people who get detentions with her. Not even Snape (as unpleasant as he is for certain) does that..."

"Bloody hell," Ron looked at Neville, wide-eyed. "You're defending _Snape?_ "

"Not at all!" Neville looked horrified at the very idea. "It's just that he doesn't make people mutilate themselves on purpose- or so I've heard!"

The gasps that filled the room told Harry just how many people _didn't_ hear.

Harry himself wondered where Neville did, however, as he knew he didn't hear it from him about his own torture sessions with the pink amphibian.

"It's not a rumour..." Colin spoke quietly (though the entire room could somehow hear him), holding up his hand, displaying the marks there for anyone to see. "...it's the truth. And I for one hope they manage to cover that in their publication."

"But... but... that's illegal!" Susan looked horrified as she took the younger boy's hand in hers to inspect it closely. "Making you write lines in your own blood? That's torture! Why haven't you reported it?"

"Fat load of good that would have done," Lee scoffed, showing his own marks. "especially with the Ministry being as they are now. They'd probably find some way to make her look innocent!"

"I say let these Hogwarts Voice people have at her," Harry spoke up, showing his own Umbridge induced scars. "Let them rip her apart limb from limb. Figuratively, of course. It simply wouldn't do to have their work curtailed by murder charges..."

Ginny shot him a look, but Harry waved off her concern that he was treading in dangerous waters.

Basically, they all were by being a part of this group anyway and him being part of the Hogwarts Voice crew wouldn't change the amount of trouble he'd be in if he was discovered.

"I wish I knew who they were. I'd want to send them some pictures of this evidence," Colin said, looking upset, but still mildly pleased at the amount of girls sympathising over his injured hand.

And judging by the looks on the faces of certain occupants of the room, the relative break from pranks that Umbridge was having was about to come to an end.

He smiled to himself as he spoke and listened; gathering material from the students present for future issues of the Hogwarts Voice, though of course, they didn't know it.

As he glanced around the room at Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Luna, they all appeared to be doing the same.


	38. Chapter 38

_**THE HOGWARTS VOICE**_

 _ **Issue 2**_

 _We've heard the rumours. We've heard the talk. The stories. The tales. Imagine that. We've started people talking in ways they haven't for a long time. Far longer than it should have been._

 _We reminded you- or for those of you who never realised, pointed out to you- that something is wrong at Hogwarts. What is it that's going on here at Hogwarts that shouldn't be? Government interference like there has never been before. Government interference at its worse._

 _Not because of falling standards (although we at the Hogwarts Voice can think of several things Hogwarts could improve on), no, but because of their own hidden agenda._

 _Not because they're doing it for our benefit, but they're doing it for theirs._

 _What are they doing exactly?_

 _Let's get down to the task at hand, shall we, dear readers?_

 _They do not want to admit that they could be wrong about a certain dark lord issue._

 _It seems like that would be the only reason for their interference now._

 _They want to distract us with the 'issues' at Hogwarts while they get away with covering up what could be the most dangerous threat to our safety in modern times._

 _Why do you ask? Why would they do something like that?_

 _Simply because they do not want to admit that they could be wrong._

 _This all starts at the end of the last academic year._

 _Cedric Diggory- remember him? How could we ever forget? The (official) Hogwarts champion. Talented. Intelligent._

 _ **Dead.**_

 _Under suspicious circumstances during a_ _ **school AND Ministry sponsored event.**_

 _We were all there when his body was brought out of the maze by Harry Potter, who claimed to witnessed the return of You-Know-Who and that it was either him or an unnamed underling of his who caused Cedric's death._

 _However, do any of you realise that we were never given an official report on what would have caused his death? A student in his prime, a Triwizard Champion bringing glory to himself and the school, a young man who was just this close to finishing his Hogwarts career and going out into the world... do we not owe him that at the very least? A proper investigation into his death?_

 _Harry Potter claims that You-Know-Who- a_ _ **returned**_ _You-Know-Who was involved. Yet our government- lead by our competent and highly esteemed (and we use those terms sarcastically) Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge continues to deny it to this very day, painting him and our Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore as lunatics for repeatedly and publicly proclaiming something that they, of all people would have no reason to lie about._

 _If they are lying (and we do not believe that they are, let us make that clear), why is there no official report on Cedric Diggory's death to disprove their stance and solidify that of the Ministry? Why is it claimed as a mere 'unfortunate accident' when such allegations are involved? Is there something that the Ministry is not telling us? Are they making up issues at Hogwarts to hide the truth of who was behind his death from us all- simply because they do not want to believe it?_

 _ **Shame on them.**_

 _Cedric Diggory and his family deserve justice and we will_ _ **not**_ _be distracted by fake problems and High Inquisitors (whatever that role is actually supposed to be) in our school._

* * *

After Harry had suggested his initial idea for the second issue of The Hogwarts Voice, they all looked at him oddly and Hermione had even opened her mouth to no doubt start voicing her numerous concerns, but he had persisted.

He had told the truth of what happened in the graveyard publicly before, but it seemed like everyone had forgotten about Cedric in their rush to believe that he and Dumbledore were lunatics.

He couldn't let that one go. He just couldn't.

And if the entire Ministry of Magic came toppling down because of it, he didn't care.

If this is what it took to get justice for Cedric _and_ to get them to sit up and pay attention to the Voldemort issue, then he was going to suck it up and deal with it.

A small part of him delighted in the trouble that it would cause for Fudge and Umbridge- he couldn't _wait_ to see the look on the toad's face when she saw this one, but he would never forget the real problems.

One: Voldemort.

Two: Turning the school into a Ministry controlled dictatorship.

In the meantime, the pranks on Umbridge could start up again, not just as stress relief, but as a way to give her even more stress.

If Umbridge was overly stressed, she'd make mistakes.

Mistakes that would make it easier to get rid of her _and_ hopefully all of the incompetent, _stuck-up-their-arse_ Ministry employees that were in favour of her coming here in the first place, not at least investigating his claims of Voldemort's return and of course, leaving the 'mystery' of Cedric's death unsolved.

Karma was heading their way and its name was Harry Potter.

* * *

Umbridge hadn't slept a single bit the previous night.

She had gotten ready for bed as she normally did without anything unusual happening.

There were no pranks all day, but that was little consolation compared to what was happening within Hogwarts walls.

Ever since that atrocity that called itself 'The Hogwarts Voice' had come about, many of the students had started respecting her less and even her fellow professors dropped snide comments from time to time.

Those claims that it was making... how dare they. When she caught the people responsible...

As soon as she put her head down on her fluffy pink pillow, the noises started.

The noises of croaks and ribbits filled the room, continuing _all night long_ , despite her best efforts to find the source of the noises and get some much needed peace and quiet.

She twitched; her nerves shot from the lack of sleep.

When she reached her place at the staff table for breakfast, and had barely taken a bite of toast, she noticed a familiar looking parchment on each place at the table.

Oh.

Oh no.

No, no, no, no, _no..._

 _The Hogwarts Voice._

 _ **Issue 2.**_

She had hoped that they weren't actually being serious when they talked about 'exposing' things. After all, if had to be a bunch of uppity teenagers behind it, the way the talked. They wouldn't actually have anything to back up heir false claims...

Then she actually started reading the abomination of a publication and as she read, she felt herself getting angrier and angrier, all thoughts of food or lack of sleep forgotten.

How... how _dare_ they!

Even after her latest Educational Decree banning the atrocity from the castle, they still kept up at it!

Cedric Diggory's death was an _accident._

An unfortunate accident, but an accident nevertheless.

She didn't even bother with the rest of her food before she got up from the table, clutching the offending publication in her stumpy fist.

"What's the matter, Dolores?" Professor Sinistra spoke quietly, as Umbridge passed her. "You look as if you've swallowed a fly."

Umbridge pointedly ignored her as she left and didn't hear the Astronomy professor's quiet laughter.

* * *

Since it was a weekend and Harry didn't have to go to class, he was spending time in the Room of Requirement letting loose on a few dummies that looked remarkably like Umbridge.

Afterwards, he was going to sit and think out a few more pranks to keep Umbridge on her toes and hopefully make her slip, doing something that would force the Ministry's hand to take her out of the school.

But for now, he focused on letting loose a lot of pent-up stress.

Eyeing the Umbridge-shaped dummy (he chortled, Umbridge really was a dummy if she thought she could stop the storm she helped to create), he raised his wand and was about to decide how he wanted to destroy this particular one, when the door to Room of Requirement opened as well.

Startled, Harry looked up to see Cho entering the room alone.

"I... oh. You're here as well," she spoke, looking as awkward as he felt.

"Yeah... that latest Hogwarts Voice... it was really something..." Harry shrugged.

Cedric's death was perhaps what he was most touchy about when it came to what he referred to as the 'Graveyard Incident', but it was part of what the public needed to know. It was the beginning of Voldemort's return, after all.

If it was investigated, not only would they find out that Voldemort was truly back, but Cedric would also get the justice he deserved and that was never a bad thing.

"I just had to... get some stress relief after the article brought up Cedric. I mean, he deserves justice, just like the articles says and all, but it's just... hard." Cho admitted.

"I get it." Harry nodded. "I mean, just because we and that awkward last date we had..." Harry trailed off.

"I know." Cho nodded.

"Neither of us was in a good place. And... a lot of people think that I've really gone mad, what with my crusade to make Umbridge's life a living hell and all..."

"I don't think you're mad. Just... pushed to your limits. I don't blame you." Cho shrugged. "Now, can we start destroying things that look like Umbrudge? I think it would be rather soothing _and_ it may just keep me from doing that to her for real. Azkaban's a horrible place- with or without the defected Dementors." she shuddered.

Harry shuddered as well. "Tell me about it."

He turned back towards the dummy, only to find that several more had accompanied it.

"So... Cho, how do you feel about setting things on fire?"


	39. Chapter 39

At dinner one evening, Harry sat thinking about his next move with the Hogwarts Voice.

Issues one and two had been _tremendous_ successes amongst the Hogwarts populace and even beyond it, so he was determined to keep the momentum going.

To say that Umbitch was displeased with what he and his friends were saying via the publication would be an understatement of the highest degree.

He heard from Sirius (who _still_ didn't know that he had a hand in it), who heard from Tonks, Mr Weasley and Kingsley in their daily sojourns to the Ministry of Magic that Umbridge had been to visit Minister Fudge a few times since the first issue had come out and each time she had left, she looked even more displeased than when she had arrived.

The word was spreading outside Hogwarts even faster than he had anticipated.

 _Excellent._

He fought back an urge to cackle like a stereotypical villain in a B-Class movie.

Speaking of cheesy villains...

Harry wondered what Voldemort thought of all of this.

He was sure to have spies in the Ministry himself and he wouldn't doubt it for a single second if those Death Eaters who had children here at Hogwarts (he glanced briefly at the Slytherin table and Malfoy in particular) had the news of the publication reported to them, who in turn then reported the information to the snake-faced wizard.

Would Voldemort make a move because of the Hogwarts Voice or would he immediately dismiss it out of hand as nothing more than the ramblings of petulant children beneath his notice?

Harry would have bet on the latter- at least, until future issues started coming out. Issue two was already pushing the envelope enough as it was...

Back to the matter of the Hogwarts Voice itself...

Issue three was where he wanted to start targeting Umbridge specifically.

Even if certain members of the public agreed that the students here needed 'discipline', he hardly believed that most of them (the relatively sane ones at least) would agree with the torture of their children.

He needed to gather stories and evidence from others who had experienced the same torment as him to build a _solid_ case against her.

However, how was he going to do that without exposing himself and by extension, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Luna?

He needed to come up with a way to gather information from others outside of their group without revealing themselves to outsiders and possibly getting caught by Fudge, Umbridge and their cronies.

How though...

This wasn't an issue he could tackle alone, though, so he decided to bring it up during the next editorial meeting.

His face brightened when the desserts appeared and he spotted a dish of treacle tart right in front of him.

Helping himself to his favourite dessert, he put the thought aside for the moment and focused on the delectable dessert.

* * *

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen," Harry paced up and down in front of his fellow rogue journalists in the Room of Requirement, fiddling with his wand as he went (drawing a nervous look from Hermione). "we have a problem. In order to expose Umbridge and what she's done, we'll need evidence, starting with her 'punishments'. How do we get evidence from others who've experienced her Blood Quill detentions without revealing ourselves?"

Ron looked thoughtful. "Yeah, mate. I could see that being a problem..."

"Getting people to agree to sharing what they know would indeed be a problem, for fear of retribution themselves- even if we did guarantee anonymity." Luna agreed.

"What about physical evidence like pictures that we could post in the Hogwarts Voice, alongside the details?" Ginny asked.

"Even if we _could_ get them to agree to share their experiences, how could we get pictures? It's not like we could host a photo session with the lot of them..." Neville pointed out.

"The Room would provide equipment, but the problem is that you can't remove it from this place and, well... I don't know about the rest of you, but the fewer people who know about the Room of Requirement, the better!" Hermione exclaimed.

All those present made noises of agreement.

"I think we'll have to work with those of us who are in the DA. Approach only them for now. They can be trusted with secrets, at least." Harry said.

"If the other students who've been harmed by Umbridge see these and know that they're not alone, they'll come forward too!" Neville perked up. "We can work with this!"

"Are you willing to reveal that you're behind this to them though?" Ginny raised an eyebrow. "I mean, the DA is one thing. A publication that could cause waves in the government is on another level entirely..."

"Don't worry, Ginny. I have my ways."

A smile spread across Harry's face as an idea occurred to him.

"In fact, I'll let you know my solution in a few days- if it works out, that is. I know someone who could help us out. Yes, he can be trusted," he noticed the unsure looks on the others' faces. "He helps me prank Umbridge sometimes and he hasn't told on me. He never will. I kind of did him a really big favour a few years ago and he doesn't like Umbridge either, so..." Harry shrugged.

"Who is this person, Harry?" Hermione raised an eyebrow. "And why haven't any of us heard of this 'really big favour' that you did for him?"

At her words, Harry's smile only grew bigger.

"Hermione, whoever said that I was talking about a _person?_ "

* * *

"Dobby, I have a proposition for you."

Harry met Dobby in the Gryffindor Common Room late that night, after everyone else had gone to bed.

He'd cast as many privacy spells as he knew beforehand, just to be on the safe side.

"Dobby would be glad to do anything for Harry Potter!" Dobby exclaimed.

"Dobby, can you read and write?" Harry asked.

"Dobby can, Harry Potter!" Dobby nodded enthusiastically.

"Great. I might have a task for you, but it will involve a lot of stealth and you'll have to wear a disguise whenever you do it, so that you look like a student. A student that no one will know, of course, but I figure that it's the safest way. If they ever found out that it was you doing it, they could easily trace it back to me with a little digging..." Harry explained.

"Dobby can handle it. Dobby will do it!" Dobby exclaimed.

He explained the task to the house elf.

"Dobby will be doing it for Harry Potter. Dobby does not like the nasty toad woman either!" the house elf actually scowled.

"Great." Harry beamed. "I have to give you the funds to buy the supplies for you to help me pull this off, and of course there's a bonus in it for you."

"Dobby does not care. Dobby would do it for free, he hates nasty toad woman that much! She is mean to elves too, she is..."

"Fantastic!" Harry exclaimed. "Well, not about her being mean to house elves, that is... I really should get back to bed now though, but I'll check in with you in the morning, alright?"

Dobby nodded. "Good night, Harry Potter!"

Dobby popped away and as soon as Harry got rid of all the spells around the area that he had cast, he headed up to bed.

"I swear, one of these days, if I ever write an autobiography, the chapter that has all of this in it is going to be my favourite part," he chuckled.


	40. Chapter 40

Harry sat in the Room of Requirement, which was currently set as the meeting room for The Hogwarts Voice, waiting for his operative to return to him. For some reason, he was wearing an old black hat pulled slightly over his eyes, a hat that brought to mind the stereotypes of Muggle journalists in the old days.

A loud crack filled the room and with it, appeared the operative that he was waiting to return.

"Well then, Dobby. Were you successful?" Harry asked.

"Yes sir, Harry Potter!" Dobby nodded vigorously.

The house-elf (who was dressed in a neutral Hogwarts uniform- like what students wore before being Sorted), walked over to the head of the table where Harry was sitting and handed over a thick envelope to the young wizard, who opened it up carefully.

Several pictures, all with notes attached to them, were of Blood Quill injuries and Harry perused them as he laid them side by side on the table, with Dobby watching his favourite wizard anxiously the entire time.

"I must not defy authority figures." was written in blood on a large, pale hand.

"I must not interrupt a teacher when speaking." was written in blood on a smaller, pale, feminine looking hand.

"I must not swear at professors." a brown hand displayed in blood.

"The teacher is always correct." was etched in blood on a dark hand.

"I must not follow liars." was written in blood on another pale hand.

He looked through each picture, continually cursing the pink toad to oblivion in his mind as he did.

Plus the notes accompanying each one, telling the circumstances that led to each injury; each torture session...

Scowling, Harry added his own picture to the lot, comparing the "I must not tell lies." on the picture to the one on his hand.

He looked back up at Dobby, a grim look on his face.

"You did well, Dobby. I am pleased," Harry spoke after a bit. "Well, not with what I'm seeing here in these pictures, but with the quality of the evidence here in said pictures. Once my friends and I determine how best to present this, it will be going into our publication."

"It was very difficult, Harry Potter, but Dobby did it. Is Harry Potter sure they is good?" Dobby still looked worried.

"You did just fine, Dobby." Harry got up from the table and walked around it, stopping only when he was in front of the house elf.

Kneeling, he took Dobby's hand in his and shook it firmly, but gently.

"Thanks again. This will really help take Umbridge down if we time it correctly for maximum effect." Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pouch.

"The other part of your pay, as promised," Harry smiled. "Go buy as many socks or Butterbeer as you want! Or whatever else catches your fancy. You're a free elf, after all. You can buy whatever you please!"

Dobby perked up.

"Thank you so much, Harry Potter! Dobby hopes you can defeat the evil toad witch, he does!"

The little elf did a wonky sort of salute before popping out, making Harry chuckle.

"For helping me with this, he deserves everything I can give."

Turning back to the table, he began re-examining the pictures and notes.

Checking his watch, he noted that it would soon be time for his friends to arrive.

He couldn't _wait_ to see the looks on their faces when he showed them these.

* * *

"How the bloody hell did you get hold of these?!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry had laid out the various images across the table, with some at each of his friends' places as well as his own.

As soon as Hermione spotted them, she dashed over to the table, grabbed up a few and made her exclamation.

It was a mark of how surprised Ron apparently was, that Harry's red-haired best friend didn't tease her about her swearing, instead focusing his attention on the material at his place.

Ginny's scowl grew deeper as she read the various notes attached, Neville looked sad, while Luna's expression was a neutral one.

"I have my ways, Hermione," Harry spoke almost casually. "And my ways are unusual ones. You'll have to just trust me. The less you know about my ways, the better. You'll get some sort of deniability out of this on the off chance that we are caught."

They all looked up and looked at him warily.

"We're all in this together, Harry," Ginny broke the ensuing silence. "If you go down, then so are the rest of us, so we might as well tell us everything!"

"She's right, you know," agreed Neville. "If you fall, so do we..."

"Tell you what," Harry said. "We'll work on this story for now and then, when we're done and actually calmed down a bit since I'm sure this stuff will upset all of us, I'll tell you. One bit at a time, alright?"

Ginny looked ready to argue and Hermione looked ready to back her up, but Harry raised a hand to cut them off.

"I will tell you in good time, ladies. All in good time," Harry smiled reassuringly at them.

Ron looked at him incredulously, Neville looked nervous and Luna looked supremely unbothered by it all.

The two girls looked at one another, before sighing and making visible efforts to calm themselves down.

"Alright then, Harry. This is more important, after all, so I'll put it aside for now. Rest assured, I won't be forgetting this, though." Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't expect you to, Hermione. I really wouldn't expect you to."

"Nobody expects you to forget anything, Hermione. You remember things from years ago that nobody else does. Things that aren't even that important. Why would we even expect you to forget something like this?" Ron spoke up to point out that fact, drawing a chuckle from the others.

"Okay, everyone!" Luna spoke up. "Back to work! We've got a story to get off to the presses!"

Harry nodded, returning his attention to the task at hand.

Hogwarts Voice first, Hermione's wrath later.


	41. Chapter 41

Harry sat at breakfast the next morning, appearing to the world as if he was just calmly eating his food, despite his current line of thought.

Having gone through the evidence of Umbridge's torturous detentions with his friends the day previously, he was still upset by what he saw.

Proof that Umbridge was indeed torturing the students.

But, as Hermione pointed out, there was _still_ the potential of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement saying that those photos and notes weren't quite enough.

They could say that the photos were tampered with; a smear campaign against Umbridge.

Perhaps so, but surely they'd not want to take the chance of this being a mere rumour, right? They'd want to be sure that their sons and daughters; their heirs and heiresses... children... weren't being tortured by an adult in a position of authority over them simply because she couldn't take a few pricks to the oversized balloon that was her ego, right?

It wasn't something that they could simply ignore, the welfare of children that they might actually care for, even if it was just a little...

Once these photos got out, it would start discussions and angry parents would be demanding reassurance that this wasn't the case.

They denied Voldemort being back because it didn't affect many of them personally and sounded far beyond the realm of possibility to them, but this, as unfortunate as it was, would seem much more likely than that...

Of course, if this broke out... rather, _when_ this beaks out, it would shake their faith in anything the Ministry of Magic had to say including the official stance on Voldemort's return...

Harry chuckled wryly at the thought, his unsettling expression putting off a few of those around him from their meals as they inched away from him.

Ron and Hermione, the only ones who didn't looked disturbed at his behaviour (having long since developed immunity to it) merely looked at him curiously, apparently wondering about his current line of thought and whether or not it made any sense.

Chancing a glance at the latest bane of his existence, he saw her attempting to eat breakfast with a calm veneer, but he could see clearly beneath that.

She was pissed.

As was to be expected.

If she thought that what was published so far was so upsetting, then he couldn't wait to see what her reaction to what else he had in store.

* * *

Harry walked out of Umbridge's classroom with a smirk on his face.

Before beginning the farce of a lesson, she had taken the time to remind them of the latest publication to be banned from the castle- _The Hogwarts Voice,_ of course.

 _Of course_ she had moved to have it banned after the first issue, but apparently, she felt the need to reinforce her now tenuous hold on authority over them by reminding them all of that fact.

Not that most of them cared, judging by the fact that more people were standing up to her in class than before...

Harry merely sat back and enjoyed what he had helped to cause.

Who knew that he would have grown from merely pranking the old toad to printing subversive literature to expose all that she was doing to the school, its students and even the staff?

Between this and the DA, he was having the time of his life.

"You seem to have enjoyed that a bit too much," Hermione noted, although she didn't look displeased.

In fact, she looked rather amused by it all.

"I don't know about him, but I enjoyed it myself," Ron chortled.

"This is the most fun I've ever had in my life!" Neville commented as he walked past them. "See you lot later!"

He gave them a perky little wave before walking off briskly.

Harry, Ron and Hermione shared a look.

"Looks like mutiny is doing him well," Ron observed, raising an eyebrow as they watched Neville go.

"Pissing her off would do anyone well." Harry shrugged as the three moved off to go about their business, only to be greeted by the pale visage of Draco Malfoy, accompanied by Crabbe and Goyle, who, Harry suspected by now were two examples of the missing link between humans and apes.

"Oh joy." Harry rolled his eyes. "What do you want this time, Malfoy? I have more important places to be. You're not at the top of my priority list these days. Nope," Harry spoke nonchalantly. "That dubious honour happens to belong to a fellow called Lord Voldemort. I believe you've heard of him. Dear old dad must have told you of the glory days when he worked for him. Served him like a slave, rather. I thought Malfoys bowed to no one and served no one but judging by the events of last year, clearly I was wrong." Harry shrugged, before casually walking off.

Ron and Hermione started to snicker as they went off after their friend.

"Watch your back, Potter. When my father-" Malfoy started angrily before Harry cut him off.

"Yes, yes, yes. We've all heard this drivel before. With what I've faced in the past, meeting scarier people than your _precious progenitor_ and all of that, Lucius Malfoy doesn't bother me at all." Harry turned briefly to look Malfoy directly in the eye. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have important things to do than talk to you."

He turned away with a flourish that Lockhart would have been proud of, with a now outright laughing Ron and Hermione accompanying him.

* * *

After dinner that evening, Harry and Hermione sat together in a corner of the Common Room after everyone else had gone up to bed, a plethora of privacy charms around them.

"Hermione, I was thinking of your point about them potentially dismissing the evidence we managed to get. The photographs and notes and all that. How can we go about making sure that they can't ignore them?"

"Besides publishing them all in The Hogwarts Voice for everyone to see?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes. You _did_ say that they might think that the photos were doctored... _unless..._ " Harry paused for a few moments before a devious smirk appeared on his face.

"Unless what?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Hermione what if we could leave a _little_ present for the director of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement right before we publish the next issue?" Harry asked.

"What _kind_ of present?" Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "Madam Bones won't take well to any sort of nonsense. You know that."

"But this won't be nonsense!" Harry exclaimed. "We can send her an advance copy of the next issue as well as hard copies of the photos and notes and... _and..._ how about we get the Blood Quills themselves to her so she can't explain away those?"

Hermione looked at him, stunned. "Well, it would be rather difficult to explain away once she ran tests on the quills and concludes that they were, in fact used on multiple people in the past..." she mused aloud.

Harry chuckled. "If that will solidify our position... I'll find a way to get them to her. Maybe I could talk to Susan. Or have my agent talk to her before the next Hogsmeade weekend..."

"Is this the same agent who helped us get this evidence in the first place?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps," Harry shrugged, refusing to admit anything.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"We'll talk more about this tomorrow. For now, I need my sleep. You need your sleep too, Harry. I suggest you get off to bed."

With that, she got up and headed towards the dorms, leaving Harry alone to his thoughts on the latest idea for his scheme to get Umbridge ousted.


	42. Chapter 42

"Why hello there, pretty lady." Harry said as Hedwig flew into the Great Hall with the other owls that morning, despite not having any post for him. "Decided to pay me a visit?"

Hedwig hooted, before taking the rasher of bacon he offered her.

"Sorry I haven't been using you lately, but you'd draw too much attention. You're the only snowy owl here and you're the most gorgeous one of all the owls here anyway."

Hedwig puffed up, looking rather haughty for an owl.

"Does he do that often?" Lavender asked Hermione, from her place across the table. "Talk to his owl like she's a person?"

"You don't know the half of it," Hermione rolled her eyes. "They have entire conversations and everything."

Ron paused between mouthfuls to talk. "You do the same thing with Crookshanks, Hermione. You're really in no position to critique Harry's behaviour this time."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him, but Ron returned to his food, looking completely unbothered.

"Any trouble with the boy owls lately?" Harry asked Hedwig. "A fine lady owl as gorgeous as you is sure to have some admirers..."

Lavender and Parvati (who was seated next to Lavender) burst out into giggles.

Hedwig hooted.

"Of course." Harry chuckled. "Have a nice day, Hedwig. Take another rasher for the flight." he handed her another rasher of bacon and watched as the owl took off.

He glanced at the staff table, to see Umbridge's eyes following Hedwig in particular and he scowled.

He still hadn't forgotten or forgiven (not that he ever would) the incident where she had tried to intercept his precious owl and hurt her in the process.

He'd like to see _her_ with a twisted limb...

Umbridge looked down and locked eyes with him, scowling as she did.

Harry merely gave her a little wave and smiled.

Umbridge's glare only intensified, before she finally looked away after a few seconds.

His smile turned into a smirk.

She could give him all the dirty looks in the world she could manage, but Harry didn't care.

It certainly wouldn't let her escape from the well deserved justice headed her way.

* * *

Harry sat alone in the Room of Requirement after classes that day, tackling his homework.

He figured that the Room would be the place that he would be least likely to be disturbed in as well as it having the fortunate effect of providing whatever resources he needed.

Including resources for more... _practical_ parts of his work, like what Umbridge refused to teach in her farce of a Defence Against the Dark Arts class.

Putting aside all of the papers, books and quills that he had been using, he rolled up the sleeves of his robes and took his wand up off the desk.

There were a few things that he wanted to try before the DA meeting began in less than an hour.

In his studying, he had come across a few useful spells and charms and he wanted to try some of them out before the others got there. Even if he couldn't show those today, he wanted to talk to them about the spells a bit and get something figured out for the next meeting.

Then there was the issue of the next issue of The Hogwarts Voice.

The article was almost done and the evidence nearly assembled, but Harry wanted to make sure that all of his bases were covered.

He wanted them to have reason to take it seriously, after all.

That wasn't supposed to be a joke. It was supposed to be a way to get some sort of justice for them all.

He just hoped he was going about it the right way.

* * *

"This nifty little spell is one that Hermione mentioned in passing. Allow me to demonstrate," Harry raised her wand and immediately, those closest to him started to back away, making him roll his eyes.

 _"Mutatio Metallum!"_

He pointed his wand at a plastic dummy near the back of the room and a rush of silver light from his wand impacted it.

Before anyone could say anything, the dummy changed from plastic to metal.

"Simple spell to change anything into metal." Harry twirled his wand before putting it away. "And I do mean anything. Have some cardboard nearby and want to make a sturdier physical barrier out of it? Use this. Redirecting some missiles towards your opponent? Use this for maximum impact. Want to immobilise your opponent? _Change his (or her) legs to metal!_ "

"You look a bit _too_ eager to be transfiguring people's body parts..." Zacharias looked doubtful, which Harry knew by now was his default expression whenever anything he thought was too difficult came up in conversation.

"Do you want me to try it on you?" Ginny raised an eyebrow as she aimed her wand towards an area of his body that made all of the males in the room wince at the very thought of it.

"No need for that, Ginny." Harry spoke calmly. "Let's get to practicing shall we?"

Ginny looked as if she was still tempted to do it anyway but relented, walking off with Luna to practice.

As everyone found their own targets to practice on, Harry moved around the room helping various people who were having problems with their attempts.

"Hello Cho, Marietta," Harry smiled as he stopped to talk to them. "How are you doing with the spell?"

Cho smiled back at him. "I got it on the first try!" she exclaimed cheerfully, gesturing to a now metallic dummy. "Marietta took a couple of tries, but she got it too!"

Harry looked at Marietta, but she refused to look him in the eye and every question he asked her was met with brusque, one word answers.

Harry's paranoia flags went up, though he did his best to quash them.

"Alright then," Harry mustered another smile. "Carry on, then."

He worked through the rest of the attendees (dodging a spell from an overeager Dennis), before deciding to move onto another spell, which most of them managed to pull off.

When the meeting concluded, Harry watched as most of the attendees left, but held back Hermione.

Ron raised an eyebrow as he left with Neville and Ginny, but Harry waved them off.

When they were all gone, Harry spoke up.

"Hermione, that list of DA members that you made us all sign when we decided to form the group... Do you still have it?"

"Yes," Hermione fished it out of her bag and handed it to him. "Why?"

Harry took in every name on the list, before handing it back to her.

"Hmm... you said you put charms on this that would make any betrayer regret betraying us. Tell me, would those consequences still hold if the physical contract was destroyed?"

"Yes, since I bound it with magic after applying the jinx that would be triggered by anyone on this list who betrays us. Why?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Destroy it then." Harry said. "I don't want any evidence of what we're doing here lying around anywhere. I mean, with The Hogwarts Voice we don't leave any evidence lying around with our efforts there and I want us covered if Umbitch should find out anything about either group."

"I understand," Hermione held up the list before setting it ablaze with her wand and watching the ashes flutter to the floor. "What inspired this though? Did anyone here set off any flags?"

"I don't know," Harry admitted. "My paranoia flags went up, but I mean... it could just be me being on edge, what with everything going on, you know?" he shrugged.

Hermione glanced down at the pile of ash. "I guess it is for the better..."

"Speaking of The Hogwarts Voice, I'm almost done with my share of the work on the next issue. I think we can go for a publication date of Sunday or Monday. We can meet on Friday to finalise things and I assembled a package that could go off to Madam Bones herself, which only needs two more things added to it- an early copy of the next issue and... well, they'll know something's wrong with Umbridge's morals for sure when I get it." Harry shrugged.

"Do I want to know?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"I'll tell you everything when we're all in the clear, I promise. _Now,_ " Harry gathered up his things. "I think we should be getting back to our common room before Umbitch has reason to give us detention for being out after hours, don't you?"

"I quite agree," Hermione nodded. "We can talk more when we get there and _believe me, Harry,_ " she gave him a look that did not bode well for him. "We will be talking."

Harry fought down the urge to run screaming like a little girl.

Voldemort was scary. Umbridge was evil, but not scary- at least to him.

Hermione was neither of those things.

Or was she?


	43. Chapter 43

Today was the day.

Or almost, at least.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Luna had finished their work on the third issue of The Hogwarts Voice and were prepared to send it out to the Hogwarts populace.

However, that was going to happen tomorrow at breakfast.

Today, however, was the day when he planned on sending an advanced copy of the publication to the director of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement herself, Amelia Bones.

That, plus raw copies of the pictures and accompanying notes he had gathered on each injury caused by the Blood Quill and pictures of the Blood Quills themselves.

He had wanted to break into her office himself and steal some of the Blood Quills to send along to Madam Bones, but as Hermione pointed out, if evidence was stolen, regardless of who it was being stolen from, it could mess with any criminal case brought against the old toad.

He'd rather not take his chances with that.

Even though what he was doing already was rather questionable...

Harry had been concerned about having his parcel 'lost' if he tried sending it directly to Madam Bones' office, so he'd gone to the best person in Hogwarts for figuring out how to contact the woman directly.

Susan Bones, her niece.

Technically, he had approached her outside of Hogwarts, but still...

He smirked to himself as he remembered how he had done it.

* * *

Harry had spent some time in the Room of Requirement earlier, practicing some spells he wanted to work with during the DA meeting he had scheduled for that evening, after everyone would have come back from the Hogsmeade visit and had dinner.

Once he had done, he set about his plan for an illicit Hogsmeade visit later.

Reading a book that he had found in the room on disguise spells, he set about changing his appearance (after making sure that he would know how to change it back afterwards).

He gave himself some curly light brown hair, dark blue eyes and a slight tan.

He couldn't get rid of the scar completely however, as it was an injury caused by dark magic and he was still inexperienced in human transfiguration.

A second attempt and he had managed to lighten it somewhat and hid it with his newfound curls.

Smiling at himself in the mirror that the Room provided, he gave himself the thumbs-up, before gathering the shrunk parcel that he had temporarily sealed (a permanent one would be applied once he sent it to Madam Bones- one only she could open) as well as his wand and his Invisibility Cloak.

Harry draped the Cloak over himself just before he opened the door and made his way down to where he knew the secret passageways were.

Before long, he was in Hogsmeade itself and spotted Susan near a shop on one of the streets off the main road and scurried down it to catch her, just before he could enter the shop.

"What?" Susan looked around, startled.

As she looked in the opposite direction, Harry took off his invisibility cloak.

"Hello, Susan Bones. Mind helping a bloke like me with something important?" he grinned.

Instead of running off as most girls likely would have (while throwing off a few remarks about his creepiness in his approach), she merely raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why should I help you?" her tone was sceptical, as Harry expected.

Harry merely pulled a copy of the next issue of the Hogwarts Voice out of his pocket and handed it over to her without another word.

"I..." Susan's eyes widened as she read. "Oh my!"

"Shall we, Miss Bones?" Harry gestured towards the mountains, where Sirius had hidden during his fourth year.

She nodded, but not before warning him, flashing her wand briefly. "Try anything and I'll demonstrate _exactly_ what I've been learning from my auntie!"

"I wouldn't dream of bringing harm to someone whose help I need!" Harry held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "In fact, if it makes you feel better..."

He swallowed his pride and offered his wand to the girl.

She looked at it sceptically, then back at him.

"Keep it," she spoke finally. "Let's go. I really want to hear what you have to say..."

* * *

Harry returned his thoughts to the present time.

After that meeting, where he had handed over the package to Susan, who mailed it for him at the post office and met him afterwards with proof that she had done it, he profusely thanked the girl for her help, he had done a bit of quick shopping and returned to the castle as quickly as possible, not wanting to push his luck.

Returning to Gryffindor Tower and stashing away his illicit purchases, he headed back out, his next destination the school library to do some studying.

He still hadn't forgotten his other goal of doing as well as he could in the OWLS to put his doubters to shame, after all.

* * *

That evening, after dinner, he looked over a copy of the publication one last time before sending them off with Dobby to be distributed at the various tables in the Great Hall the next morning.

Pacing up the Room of Requirement as he read, his face remained grim as he took in every single detail on the front page.

 _ **THE HOGWARTS VOICE**_

 _ **Issue 3**_

 _Greetings and salutations readers! We know that it has been a while, but we wanted to make sure that we had everything right for this one, because readers, this issue is not going to be holding back. If you think what we had to say before was explosive, you have not seen a thing yet._

 _You may have noticed that this issue is much thicker than the previous two and this is with good reason. We have catalogued all of the evidence we could for the allegations we are about to make to share them with you._

 _What allegations are these, you ask?_

 _Child abuse._

 _Yes, fellow British citizens. Child abuse is going on at Hogwarts._

 _We do not mean the unfortunate incidents involving Dementors, Basilisks and other monstrosities (those are completely different matters entirely), but we mean deliberate, premeditated actions by one of the professors that are meant to educate and protect us._

 _Who is it, you ask?_

 _It is none other than Dolores Jane Umbridge, esteemed minion of the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge._

 _She has been using a foul instrument called a Blood Quill on the students during detentions that she gave earlier. We can confirm that she used them on several students and while we do know that she stopped for a time, we cannot confirm whether or not she has resumed the use of the instruments._

 _While we acknowledge that many of the detentions were given for transgressions that would merit them (interrupting class, being rude to a professor and so on), who gave her the right to torture students in such a manner? Isn't this a case of disproportionate retribution? These Blood Quills are meant to sign contracts that are supposed to be airtight. Infallible. The only legal form of Blood Magic that our country allows._

 _Instead, Professor Umbridge uses them to force her unfortunate students to write with their own blood and offers no medical attention to them whatsoever, leaving them to try and heal the injuries on their own if they were too afraid or indeed too proud to seek help from our resident Matron._

He nodded as he flicked through the other pages of the publication, before putting it down on a nearby table and calling Dobby to him.

"Take them. They're ready." he instructed.

The house elf merely nodded as he popped away with the copies of The Hogwarts Voice.

 _Soon,_ Harry thought.

For now though, he focused on what he had planned for the DA meeting, the first attendees of which he expected to start arriving shortly.


	44. Chapter 44

Harry stood proudly as he watched the various members of the DA attempt to cast their own Patronuses.

Many of them hadn't managed to produce a corporeal Patronus as yet, but there was the fact that they managed to produce some sort of silvery mist and that was _something._

Hermione, of course, had been one of the first ones to manage to cast the difficult spell and stood smiling as her silvery otter gambled around her.

Fred and George had produced their own Patronuses and somehow, for some reason still unknown to him, they had figured out how to make them fight.

Glancing away from the duelling silvery animals, he made his way around the room, chatting amicably and offering pointers where needed.

"They're so pretty!" Cho cooed over her admittedly (though Harry would never tell her so) beautiful swan Patronus.

"I feel like I should remind you that producing a Patronus in the middle of a brightly lit classroom where you are safe and under no duress whatsoever is quite different to trying to do the same in a fight for your soul against an actual Dementor..." Harry pointed out.

Cho rolled her eyes.

Harry looked around them room and noticed something.

"Cho where's your friend Marietta? I only just noticed she isn't here..."

"How very observant of you, Harry." Cho remarked wryly. "Marietta said that she wasn't feeling well, so she was going to see Madam Pomfrey."

"And you didn't see the need to help her there yourself?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"She said she didn't need me to." Cho shrugged.

"If you say so Cho. If you say so..." Harry walked away to talk to someone else.

"Come on Neville." Harry encouraged the other boy, who was having trouble with his Patronus. "You have to think of something happy! What makes you happy?"

"I can't do it." Neville looked miserable as he made another failed attempt.

 _"Yes, you bloody well can!"_ Harry snapped. "You're in a secret, subversive student organisation defying the government! _And-_ " he lowered his voice so that only Neville could hear. _"you're helping me with The Hogwarts Voice so I damn well know that you've got it in you to do something if you really want it!"_

Neville looked taken aback for a brief moment before he straightened up; a determined look in his eye.

He tried again.

 _"I did it!"_ Neville gestured to the mist he managed to conjure. "Well, not quite, but it was something..."

"Baby steps, Neville." Harry patted him on the back. "With more practice, I'm sure that you could get it-"

Harry stopped talking when he realised that the door to the Room of Requirement had opened, but no one seemed to be standing there.

Paranoia flags raised, he secondly realised that those closest to the door had fallen silent, with the silence quickly spreading throughout the room.

He looked down to see Dobby tugging at his robes, looking up at him urgently.

Harry glanced from Dobby to Cho and back again, a sinking feeling forming in his stomach.

"Dobby..." he massaged his temple briefly. "Did Umbridge find out about us?"

Dobby burst out in a wail. "Yes, Harry Potter. Yes!"

Harry immediately started barking commands. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get out of here! Scatter about the castle! If they're lying in wait for us and you get caught out of bounds, don't get caught anywhere near here!"

They stared at him, clearly stunned.

He raised his wand.

They ran for their lives.

Pulling out the Marauder's Map, he checked to see that they were all some distance away before he spoke to Dobby.

"You can leave me here, don't worry." Harry told him. "I can take care of myself."

Dobby looked unsure, but left- although he clearly did not want to.

Harry smirked as he asked the room to shift slightly, removing the more... _provocative_ elements of it such as the Dumbledore's Army banners, the practice targets that resembled both generic Death Eaters and Umbridge, as well as certain books.

When the changes finished and he looked around the room, he smiled in approval.

While the room was clearly still an area that one could practice magic in freely, it looked more generic than a room designed for 'training an army' as Umbridge likely thought it was.

The stupid woman.

The stupid, _stupid_ woman.

He rolled back his sleeves, grabbed a book off a shelf and reclined in a nearby chair to wait.

* * *

Harry was not disappointed by Umbridge's initial reaction to finding him in the room, as calm and collected as could be.

Then there was the farce of an interrogation in Dumbledore's office.

There was quite a diverse set of attendees.

Besides himself, Dumbledore and Umbridge, there was McGonagall, Marietta (who had been revealed as the one who tattled on the group- Harry was of mixed feelings when his paranoia proved accurate), Minister Fudge, Percy the Prat, Kingsley and a few other Aurors.

Not to mention the portraits of the former headmasters and headmistresses who were clearly and unabashedly listening in for the entertainment value.

"Well, Minister, Professor. I don't know what exactly Marietta could have possibly been reporting but it certainly wasn't an illicit student organisation designed to overthrow the Ministry!" Harry exclaimed cheerfully.

McGonagall shot him a look over her glasses.

"She would not have lied to me!" Umbridge snapped, gesturing to Marietta (whose face had been disfigured by pustules that formed the word 'SNEAK'- Hermione really could be a vindictive bitch when sufficiently motivated).

"Perhaps she got confused?" Harry suggested cheekily, drawing looks from Dumbledore, McGonagall and Percy this time, but he didn't care.

He was thoroughly entertained.

"Well, Madam Umbridge, Minister Fudge, we searched the room and found no evidence of wrongdoing," Kinglsey spoke up. "All Potter appeared to be doing in there was doing some work on his spells and when we checked his wand, they were some quite harmless spells at that. Perhaps he just wanted a place to work so that he wouldn't disturb anyone?"

Minister Fudge was turning a shade of red that quite clashed with his lime green bowler hat.

"Yes, _Professor Umbridge, Minister Fudge,_ " Harry used his saccharine tone and put on an innocent expression that certainly didn't fool Dumbledore, McGonagall or Kingsley. "I was doing nothing wrong. All I wanted was to do some work where I wouldn't bother anyone. I want to be a great wizard someday. If I'm going to be famous, let be for something I actually accomplished on my own right?" Harry shrugged.

Dumbledore glanced at him briefly before looking back at Minister Fudge and his cronies. "Well, there you have it!" he sounded suspiciously cheerful. "Mister Potter has certainly not been breaking any rules."

"I'm sure he's been doing something!" Umbridge seethed. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he was behind that wretched Hogwarts Voice!"

"Freedom of the press is a lovely thing, isn't it?" McGonagall spoke evenly.

"Just so we're clear, I don't have any involvement in that either," Harry lied without batting an eye. "I must say that I do admire their work, though. Their tone comes off a bit amateurish, but if they're students like me, then I suppose that is to be expected."

Percy looked as red as his hair and it took all of Harry's willpower to not laugh at him, nor the people he worked for.

"Professor," he looked at Dumbledore (who looked away) then at McGonagall. "may I go back to Gryffindor Tower now? It's past curfew now and I'd like to get some sleep. I know I don't have classes tomorrow, but I'd really like to do some studying tomorrow."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow at him knowing full well that he was no academic, neither did he (normally) enjoy studying.

"I quite agree," McGonagall stood up straighter. "This whole thing appears to have been a waste of time. I will be taking Mr Potter back to his dorm now. Come along, Mr Potter."

* * *

"I feel compelled to remind you that Umbridge and the Ministry are watching all of us and you in particular." McGonagall said as they stood alone in the common room.

"I'll be fine, Professor McGonagall." Harry reassured her.

"Tonight was a close call. I am sure that you were actually there with others. Thank Merlin you somehow managed to find out that she was coming and got your friends out of danger. They would have been punished severely- and you, _expelled_ for certain!" she exclaimed.

"But she didn't and I'm fine. Speaking of her I really hope that those Hogwarts Voice people dig up something on her that gets her kicked out of our school. It's quite unpleasant having to spend every day in the same building as her." Harry scowled.

McGonagall looked as if she dearly wanted to agree with him, but was holding back.

"Be that as it may, be careful. I would hate to lose one of my better students."

With that, she turned and left Gryffindor Tower.

"Well, Professor McGonagall," he spoke to himself as he headed for his dormitory. "Hopefully tomorrow we'll get to see which of us stays. Me or Umbridge..."

* * *

Harry walked down to breakfast with Ron and Hermione that morning, looking to all the world as if he hadn't almost been caught leading an illegal student organisation the night before.

"You were really lucky last night, Harry!" Hermione whispered as they walked.

"Yep. Sure was. And I learned not to ever double cross you in any way, lest you disfigure me more than I already am with this thing." he pointed at his scar.

Hermione looked downright proud.

Harry shuddered.

"Speaking of that, has it been hurting lately?" Ron asked.

"No." Harry shrugged. "I guess my anti-establishment activities and my studying lately are helping to block him out. Who knows? Either way, it's _certainly_ a welcome change from Voldemort mind raping me..."

Ron and Hermione shared a look and shuddered.

When they entered the Great Hall, the few students and staff there were perusing the latest copy of The Hogwarts Voice, with grim expressions.

Game time.


	45. Chapter 45

Dolores Jane Umbridge did not have a good night.

It all started when that Edgecombe girl had come to her with some very interesting information.

Information that she should have been able to use to get that blasted Potter brat expelled and arrested for sure!

Teaching magic illegally to the other students and in contravention of several of her Educational Decrees at that? It was the perfect situation to get back at him for all of the hell he had been giving her for _months!_

Somehow, he must have gotten word that she and the Inquisitorial Squad were coming.

Somehow.

She knew that Marietta wouldn't lie to her, even without Veritaserum. She was, after all, the daughter of a Ministry worker with the _right_ kind of heritage, after all- and a worker with not a single complaint against her in her file.

So how did everything go wrong?

How did Potter slip from her grasp once again?

She'd stormed out of the office fuming after he left and headed for her own quarters, to try and calm down in order to plan her next move.

Such an unstable, immature teenager shouldn't be such a problem to handle, so why the bloody hell was he being such a big problem- _the bane of her existence?!_

Then when she tried to go to bed and sleep (Merlin knows she _really_ needed it), the bed felt extremely uncomfortable.

First, it began cycling between hot and cold, then between lumpy and sharp, then the bed started rocking back and forth- while she was in it.

To add insult to injury, she swore she could hear giggles somewhere in the room as if someone was enjoying her torment, but despite her searching (using magical methods and otherwise), she couldn't detect any witch or wizard in room.

If she had bothered to include _non-_ witches/wizards in her search, she may have discovered an invisible, highly entertained Dobby having the time of his life tormenting the nasty witch who nearly got his favourite wizard into trouble.

Although this time, he was doing it of his own accord, rather than through Harry Potter's request.

After several hours of trying to get her bed to stop its abnormal behaviour she gave up on it and conjured her own bed.

Which wasn't _nearly_ as good as the other one (before it started its abnormal behaviour, that is), but Transfiguration had never been her best subject, so she had to make do with what she could manage.

As a result of all of that, she did not manage to get good sleep, which made her crankier and her haggardness made her look even uglier that she normally did.

It was after all of this that she entered the Great Hall the following morning.

As soon as the doors opened and she crossed the threshold, they all went silent as they looked at her- staff and student alike.

She didn't notice as some of the looks went from neutral, to bewildered and outright hatred, making her way to the staff table with as much grace as she could muster.

Even some of the Slytherins were looking at her in disgust and their house made up the majority of the members of the Inquisitorial Squad.

She reached the table and took her place without noticing the looks that the staff were giving her (except Snape, who had his usual _pissed off at everyone and everything-_ _ **especially**_ _Harry Potter_ expression).

It was only when she looked up from fixing herself a cup of tea that she noticed what most of the other occupants of the Great Hall were holding.

Plus, they appeared to be much thicker than usual.

 _"Oh. Oh no. Not again!"_ she thought.

She glanced over at the Gryffindor table, only to see Potter, along with his Mudblood friend and the Weasley boy huddled over a copy of the latest issue of The Hogwarts Voice and after a few minutes, others from different Houses (Slytherin, she noted, was not among them) walked over, apparently to talk to them about it.

The Mudblood girl looked up and caught her eye, a look of pure, unbridled hatred on her face as she stared her down.

How dare she!

What did that blasted farce of a publication say about her this time?

"If these allegations are true, you really do have some nerve sitting amongst us, you know." Professor Sprout spoke with the false kind of cheerfulness that one usually heard from someone when they were doing their very best not to punch someone in the face.

Or hex them, as the case may be.

"Give me that!" she snatched the nearest copy out of an indignant Professor Flitwick's hands and began to read.

With every word and picture that her eyes landed on, her face seemed to get redder and redder.

 _"CHILD ABUSE?!"_ she bellowed, silencing the murmurs that had started up once again. _"CHILD ABUSE? How dare they!"_

"Us just having to look at her face is child abuse," Fred commented casually as the Gryffindors watched the drama unfold, drawing laughter from those around him, which was quickly silenced (in some cases literally) as they watched the drama at the Staff Table unfold.

"Why yes indeed," Flitwick spoke calmly as he snatched back his copy. "these allegations are actually pretty well documented. If indeed these are fake, they went to quite the amount of trouble to fabricate all of this evidence."

"It's lies. All of it is lies!" she exclaimed. "None of them like me!"

 _"My, my,"_ Snape drawled. "that is _such_ a surprise."

"This is just an elaborate scheme to get me out of the school! It is the _pinnacle_ of disrespect!" she screeched.

"I would say that this is beyond disrespect," McGonagall didn't even bother to hide her disdain for the other witch.

While that byplay was going on at the Staff Table, the students were having their own discussions.

"Is this sort of thing even _legal_ in Wizarding Britain?" Justin looked appalled as he examined the pictures printed in the publication he was presently perusing.

"Not at all," Susan's expression was grim as she examined the pictures in all their published glory. "Torture in all of its forms is illegal. And when it comes to doing it to _children,_ " she scowled briefly at Professor Umbridge. "that just makes it even worse in the eyes of the law."

Many of the Ravenclaws were looking at the pictures and their accompanying information in disbelief, but others looked as if their long held suspicions had just been confirmed.

"Why am I not surprised at this?" Cho asked, Marietta notably not at her side that morning. "That woman is foul enough. I honestly wouldn't put it past her to do something like this!"

 _"I am not surprised that she would do something like this,"_ Anthony murmured, tracing the back of his hand lightly. _"but the extent to which she did- for so many relatively trivial things..."_

"I never liked Umbridge really," Zabini remarked as he looked at the pictures. "but this is beyond ridiculous if in fact these pictures are authentic."

Pansy looked at him, startled. "But you joined the Inquisitorial Squad! Why the bloody hell would you join it if you don't even like the woman who started it up?"

Blaise raised an eyebrow at her. "Pansy, can you honestly say that you _like_ Professor Umbridge? And I use the term Professor lightly- seeing as she she's not teaching us anything worth learning."

"Well I think that if this is true, she was rather stupid for doing it. If you're going to torture people, why the bloody hell would you leave behind evidence that you did it? I wouldn't if it was me!" Tracey exclaimed.

Everyone near her- even her best friend Daphne, inched away from her, all of them with creeped out looks on their faces.

Back at the Gryffindor table, Harry was still reading through The Hogwarts Voice with his fellow Gryffindors.

 _"I know I helped to compile and present all of this, but reading it still gets to me,"_ he thought, clenching his fist.

He glanced up at the Staff Table, now noticing that Professor Dumbledore wasn't there.

 _"Hmm..."_ Harry thought. _"I wonder what he's up to. He doesn't normally miss meals. .But then again, why should I care? He's been bloody ignoring me all year, even through all of this..."_

"This is absolutely horrible," Angelina gestured to a picture in the paper angrily. "forcing someone to carve out their skin just because they were a bit cheeky?"

She looked at Harry suddenly. " _Potter, did she do this to you?_ She seems to have it out for you!"

Harry was taken aback by the sudden attention on him and his eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights.

 _"Uh..."_

Katie, who was near to him, grabbed his wrist and looked at his hand, seeing the marks on the back of it.

 _"IT'S BLOODY TRUE! Potter's got the marks!"_ she exclaimed loudly enough for the entire Great Hall to hear, holding up his hand for all the nearby Gryffindors to see.

Harry looked back helplessly at Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville.

Of the four, Ginny looked the most as if she was enjoying the impending shitstorm a bit too much.

At Katie's loud exclamation, many others at the other tables started looking at their Housemates' hands and the more mutilated hands they saw, the more upset they became.

The Gryffindors would have started off a riot right then and there with the other Houses following quickly were it not for the doors to the Great Hall opening at that moment.

In the doorway stood Dumbledore, followed by four Aurors with Filch trailing behind, looking (as usual) as if he did not want to be there at all.

The Great Hall went completely silent once again.

They walked up to the Staff Table and went directly towards Umbridge.

"Professor Umbridge," Dumbledore spoke calmly. "These lovely Aurors found their way up to my office early this morning to let me know that they would like to have a word with you regarding a few allegations made against you."

"I did nothing wrong!" Umbridge screeched. "Why do you believe all of these _lies?_ "

"Then if you did not do anything wrong, you have nothing to fear, do you?" he replied evenly.

The murmurs started up yet again as everyone in the Great Hall stared her down, many not even bothering to hide the looks of disgust and or hatred that they were feeling.

She stood up suddenly. "Fine! I will prove that I am an upstanding member of society and would never do such a thing!"

Eyeing the Aurors warily, as they stood on either side of her, the group left the Great Hall.

"That BITCH!" Hannah shouted.

Many others made sure to make their agreement with that statement known, regardless of what House they were in.

Meanwhile, Harry was receiving many looks and exclamations of pity, as well as the other Gryffindors who had fallen victim to her cruelty.

It took several tries for the staff to get the students to calm down and even when they did, it was a tense sort of calm that filled them.

The sort of calm before the storm.


	46. Chapter 46

This was not good.

This was not good at all.

That was the summation of Dolores Jane Umbridge's thoughts as she walked through the Hogwarts corridors with the Aurors, Dumbledore and McGonagall, who had joined them not long afterwards.

"What is all of this about?" she asked, indignant. "I have done nothing that warrants your presence today!"

"Then if you have not done anything, you have nothing to worry about, _Dolores,_ " McGonagall spoke her name with obvious distaste. "I would think that that much would be obvious."

"In that case, I look forward to having these allegations cleared up. I would hate to think that a person such as yourself would use their position to abuse children," Dumbledore's tone, while not outright angry, was not as cheerful as it usually was.

"Indeed, Madam... er, _Professor_ Umbridge," one of the Aurors, a young fellow that barely looked old enough to be out of Hogwarts himself spoke up. "Allegations were made and it's our job to clear them up. Normally, it's the wizards and witches from the Magical Law Enforcement Patrol that cover this sort of thing, but Madam Bones sent up out for this one."

"Yep. This is going to be a high profile case and all of that." Another Auror shrugged as she commented. "There is precedent for it."

"But there is no bloody case!" Umbridge screeched.

 _"Watch your manners, Umbridge,"_ the apparent leader of the Auror team, an older man with short, salt and pepper hair warned. "Anything you say can be used against you should this turn out badly for you."

He rummaged in his pocket and pulled a sealed envelope from it.

"This is authorisation to search your personal quarters, your office and any classroom you are on record as using. As I understand it, you've had to move classes several times during the year due to some... _unusual_ incidents."

Umbridge took the envelope from him, nearly crushing it in her hand in her anger at the memories of _exactly_ what those incidents were.

"Think of it this way: if the allegations are false, you have nothing to fear and your 'good name' would be cleared." the fourth Auror, who was shorter and stockier than the others sounded completely indifferent to it all.

"I'll sue them all for slander!" Umbridge seethed.

"Why yes. Suing students still in school with no careers, no money and no assets to pay if they were sued. Brilliant idea that," McGonagall actually rolled her eyes. "It makes quite a lot of sense."

Umbridge shot a glare at her, while the Aurors shot amused looks at one another.

They had all had to interact with Umrbidge at some point while working for the Ministry and none of them liked her personally, however they were chosen because they were some of the few that had no close relatives currently attending the school and as such were deemed to be more impartial to the case by Madam Bones and Mr Scrimgeour themselves.

Although (and they would never admit this to anyone else, they were secretly hoping that they would find something to charge her with- just so they no longer had to put up with her at work.

* * *

Meanwhile, the mood in the Great Hall hadn't calmed down at all, with many of the students (aside from the Gryffindors) looking murderous as they started figuring out just how many of their friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family members and plain old House members had been suffering in secret at the hands of Umbridge.

Harry himself had the Gryffindor Chaser trio fussing over him.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Angelina demanded.

Alicia was about to speak up to defend him, but Angelina turned on her next. _"Don't you start, Alicia Marie Spinnet! You had your hand sliced open too and hid it from us the whole time too!"_

Alicia stared her down defiantly, not looking bothered by her Quidditch captain's outburst.

"As for you," Angelina turned back to Harry, who looked slightly afraid of her.

He would never admit it but she, Hermione and Ginny were the three people he was most terrified of besides Voldemort.

"You should have said something!" she spoke in a gentler tone, startling Harry with her sudden mood whiplash. "We could have helped you. My older brother is training to be a Healer and he taught me a few tips and tricks that could have helped with this." she gestured to his mutilated hand sadly. "Now those marks... who knows if you'll be able to get rid of them. You'll have a scar on your hand to join the one of your forehead!"

"Yes. Both of them put there by _very_ evil people," Ginny looked ready to practice more than her Bat Bogey Hex on Umbridge.

"I just hope that Umbridge isn't able to slide out of this one," Ron said. "You know how cosy she is with the Minister. Who's to say that she couldn't use him to get out of this?"

Everyone around them scowled at the very idea.

"We can't let that happen!" Lavender exclaimed. "We all know that she's a horrible, _horrible_ bitch even without literally torturing us! We can't let her get away with this!"

I t was right then and there that they all pledged to give the Ministry _complete and utter hell on Earth_ if they _dared_ try to sweep this issue under the carpet.

* * *

The Ravenclaws- despite their reputation for being calm and rational, were having a difficult time remaining so as they read The Hogwarts Voice more and more.

Cho looked close to tears as she read, although this time, her tears were not the usual sad tears, but angry ones.

"How _could_ she?" she screeched. "I knew she was a bloody horrible woman, but I did not expect it to be so _literal!_ "

"Who would?" a boy in her year muttered, looking displeased. "I want to write Mother about this. She works for the Daily Prophet. Perhaps she could..."

Cho scoffed. "The Daily Prophet hasn't exactly been the best publication in Britain lately..."

He shrugged. "That's true, Chang. I'll admit it..."

"This is an absolute travesty!" Padma exclaimed. "We... we can't allow things to continue like this! What can we do about it?"

"We have to do something," Anthony said, as Su Li, seated next to him, held her wand above his injured hand, muttering under her breath. "I mean, I knew that others were also suffering at her hand, but I did not guess that the problem was this widespread!"

"Look at this!" Michael gestured to a picture in the publication of a particularly small and pale hand likely belonging to a First Year, with the words: "I must stop questioning authority." carved into the back of their hand. "The caption... " _All I did was ask her a few questions about the material that I did not understand and she did this to me. I just wanted to do well in her class, make my family proud of me."_ I... that _bloody bitch!_ "

"We need to all write to our parents... anyone else we know on the outside before Umbridge manages to cut off the Owlery!" a younger girl exclaimed.

"Hopefully she won't be in a position to do that once the Aurors that just took her out are done with her!" Terry exclaimed.

They all made various noises of agreement.

* * *

The Hufflepuffs were far from happy themselves.

Susan was in deep thought.

She had seen the material in The Hogwarts Voice in advance and was even responsible for getting the information out to her Auntie so that she could send people to the school to investigate Umbridge, but _still._

Hearing the reactions of those around her made it even worse as they angrily discussed the article.

A picture of a small hand, punished for asking questions.

Another picture of a hand, this time punished for daring to stick up for what they believed in.

Another image of a tortured hand, just because its owner yet another trivial reason.

And so it continued.

She maintained a calm exterior unlike her fellow Hufflpuffs who were obviously outraged (and rightfully so), but she too, was thoroughly pissed off and hoped to Merlin that Umbridge would not get out of this one.

She had heard murmurs of the cruel and unusual punishment that Umbridge was inflicting on her fellow students, but to have it confirmed... and to this extent... it made her stomach turn.

Ernie was calling for petitions to the Minister, Hannah (unlike her usual self) looked ready to commit murder and Zacharias, while generally a dick to everyone he encountered, managed to find himself outraged at this revelation as well (though that part might have something to do with the fact that his latest girlfriend (she still couldn't understand why anyone would actually _want_ to date him, but that was besides the point).

She too hoped that there would be justice.

And if there wasn't, she'd join the Gryffindors in their hell raising.

* * *

The Slytherins too, were outraged, though they did not display their rage as much as the other three Houses did.

This was simply due to the fact that their House had apparently been victimised the least- they believed that it was simply because she was a Slytherin alumnus herself (and was heavily biased towards her own House) and that most of her 'Inquisitorial Squad' members came from their House.

Some of them had family members, friends and boyfriends and girlfriends in other Houses (yes, even Gryffindor) and were outraged on their behalf.

Others viewed it (and rightly so) that it was simply wrong to torture people just because they disagreed with you- especially when said people were still children.

Then there were those that were simply angry that she was too arrogant about it and actually allowed evidence of her acts to exist, one of the informal mottos of their House being: _"Never get caught."_

Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts and Hogwarts High Inquisitor (they _still_ didn't know what exactly was the point of the last title) had certainly been caught.

They had a bad enough reputation as it was and didn't need someone like her to be adding to it.

Malfoy looked as if he had drank sour cream and the more he read, the more sour his expression seemed to become, while Crabbe and Goyle, on either side of him, simply looking confused.

Daphne had a poker face as she read, but Astoria and Tracey read with glee as they both highly disliked the woman.

Pansy was screeching to all and sundry that _'all of this so-called evidence' was 'completely fabricated, false and was defamation of character!'_ while Millicent and Blaise, seated nearby, looked more outraged at her screeching and hurting their eardrums rather than what she was screeching about.

* * *

The teachers and other staff themselves looked a mixture of guilty, angry and indifferent (Snape).

Professor Sprout looked close to tears while Professor Vector looked ready to curse Umbridge, her fingers twitching around the wand in her pocket, even as she somehow managed to read and eat at the same time.

Professors Flitwick and Sinistra were speaking together in low murmurs, while Madam Pomfrey looked ready to get up and start seeing if she could help the children with their injuries, while causing a few of her own.

 _"How could we have missed all of this?"_ seemed to be the common thought amongst them all.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Umbridge's office, the Aurors were doing their search and so far, had not found any of the evidence they were looking for.

"I told you that there is no contraband in my office!" Umbridge screeched.

"We will see about that, Madam Umbridge." the lead Auror spoke, as he swept the room with his wand.

"Professor Umbridge," Umbridge corrected.

"Whatever you say, Madam Umbridge," the female Auror hid her grin as she searched and ignored Umbridge's correction.

Umbridge opened her moth again, no doubt to voice another objection, when the fireplace flared green and Minister Fudge's head appeared in the flames.

"Dolores, Amelia just told me that you are under investigation for potential crimes against the children. It's preposterous of course. What is the meaning of all this? Explain. _Now._ " Fudge demanded.

"Why don't you come in and join us, Minister Fudge? I think you would want to see this for yourself, lest you disbelieve it and try to sweep it under the carpet like you have with other matters." the lead Auror spoke with a straight face.

Fudge shot him a glare, but stepped through the flames anyway, brushing himself off as he cleared the flames and stood beside his former Undersecretary, turned Professor.

The short, stocky Auror made an exclamation as he tapped underneath Umbridge's cupboard and a hidden compartment revealed itself.

"Hidden compartment!" he exclaimed. "I wonder what's hiding in here, eh?"

Umbridge blanched as he reached inside and looked ready to run, but McGonagall and the female Auror had moved in front of it from the moment the Auror had made his first exclamation, sharing a look as they did.

Casting a spell on the inside of the compartment, he carefully reached inside and lifted out a relatively thin, black box with silver trim.

Resting it on the desk and in full view of everyone, he tapped his wand on the box and it slowly opened.

 _"Well then,"_ the lead Auror looked from the box of Blood Quills to Umbridge and back. "Do you care to explain _those?_ "


	47. Chapter 47

"Those are simply my Blood Quills, Auror Stein. They are in fact, legal to own, as you should know." Umbridge spoke smoothly.

"Indeed they are, but there are spells and potions that can conclude whether or not a Blood Quill has been used recently, how many times it has been used and with a sample of the person or _persons,_ " he narrowed his eyes at her. "that are alleged to have used it recently, we can match them to it. If there are any underage students- any students at all, but _especially_ underage students have been found to use these..."

"Your former Undersecretary would be in a world of trouble, Minister Fudge." the female Auror addressed the Minster, who was looking rather flustered at the thought of what all of this would do to his political career.

"As it is," Dumbledore spoke up grimly. "I cannot have a Professor- _Ministry placed or otherwise_ in a classroom with the students while under investigation for such heinous charges of crimes committed against them."

Umbridge whipped around to snarl at him. "And what exactly do you mean by _that,_ Dumbledore?"

Neither Dumbledore nor McGonagall looked impressed by her behaviour whereas Fudge looked as if he were ready to sink into the ground at any moment.

"What I mean is that you are suspended from employment at this school until the outcome of this investigation." Dumbledore said.

"Luckily for you, Professor Dumbledore, this will not take more than a few hours. Normally for this sort of thing, we would need a responsible adult to accompany the child while we interrogate them and usually, that means a parent or legal guardian, but if the suspected crime occurs within Hogwarts' boundaries, a 'responsible adult' can also include the student's Head of House." the stocky Auror said.

"The news has probably started to make its way out of the school by now anyhow and the letters from angry parents shall be rolling in soon demanding that we investigate. " the young Auror shrugged.

"I see. In that case, shall Minerva go with one or two of your Aurors to find any students willing to come forward, while you interview Madam Umbridge here?" Dumbledore suggested.

"I was just about to suggest that myself, Dumbledore," Stein nodded.

"Mullings! Phillips!" he turned to the female Auror and the youngest Auror respectively. "Go ahead with Professor McGonagall and see what you can find."

"Yes sir, Auror Stein!" Mullings actually gave him a little salute as she followed McGonagall out the door.

"Phillips!" Stein stopped him just before he could leave and cast a spell on the box, coating it in a grey glow as it floated in midair. "You know what to do."

Phillips nodded, touching the box with his own wand and making it float out in front of him as he went.

"That was a simple preservation spell that I just did. Can't have the evidence contaminated, now can we?" Stein explained. "They also have the portable Evidence Examination Kit. Standard issue. They can set up an examination of the Blood Quills right here in this castle when they find an appropriate space."

"In the meantime, Flint and I have a few questions we would like to pose to Madam Umbridge. Professor Dumbledore, Minister Fudge, you may both stay and watch if you would like, but you must not interfere." Stein glanced at Fudge in particular as he spoke.

"Now, now, Harold, I do not think that all of this is really necessary-" Fudge tried, but Stein cut him off.

"None of that, Minister Fudge. I am here to do my job, not be friends with any of you. You don't get to call me by my first name. _Is that clear?_ "

Dumbledore looked mildly entertained as he watched Fudge shrink back under the Auror's glare.

"Perfectly clear, Auror Stein. Please, proceed." the Headmaster conjured a seat for himself and sat back to watch the show.

* * *

The mood in the Great Hall still hadn't calmed down since Umbridge left it.

In fact, it seemed to get more tense, like a dam filling with tiny cracks, waiting to break down and flood out everything if it got one crack too many.

Each revelation about Umbridge's alleged abuse of the students under her care was like another crack forming in the dam that was the anger of the Hogwarts' student population.

As the morning mail came in, students were conjuring up parchment and quills (with the occasional pen and paper), pulling them out of their bags and pockets or otherwise were getting some from friends, fully intent on informing their families and friends on the outside of the latest happenings of The Hogwarts Voice.

Harry had to keep himself from smiling at the mayhem.

Umbridge wasn't truly gone.

 _Yet._

That and the renewed attention placed on him (albeit alongside others) because of her maiming him.

He'd rather much be known for goofy (sometimes outright malicious- but only against Umrbidge) pranks, hijinks, chaos and sassy remarks rather than being a victim.

But if this got Umbridge out of his hair and out of Hogwarts and his life for good, then he was bloody well going to suck it up.

The first few students were about to get up to leave the Great Hall when a tabby cat Patronus floated through the doors, cutting them off in their tracks.

 _"I ask that no one leave the Great Hall. Myself and some of the Aurors will be down to speak with you shortly."_ the Patronus spoke with Professor McGonagall's voice, stunning many of them there, those who were actually closest to the feline Patronus looking the most surprised.

"Did... did you know that you could make a Patronus talk?" a Ravenclaw seventh year boy asked his Hufflepuff sixth year female friend.

"Not at all," she shook her head. "Communication... as well as defence against those horrible Dementor creatures? Now I definitely have to step up my practice of that charm!"

They, as well as the others who had been nearest to the doors turned around and headed back to their respective House tables.

Harry himself was surprised at the talking Patronus as well.

"Patronuses can talk?" he asked, stunned.

"Of course they can!" Hermione exclaimed.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Hermione, there is no _'of course they can'_ about it. Patronuses being able to talk was never an obvious thing. How often do you expect a defensive charm to also act as a communicative one?" he pointed out. "Would you also expect the Shield Charm to wish someone a Happy Birthday or something?"

It was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes, even as a few around them who heard the exchange snickered, including Harry, whose snickers were the most rambunctious of the entire bunch.

"That was Professor McGonagall's voice, though!" Parvati exclaimed. "I wonder what she and those Aurors have to say to us?"

"Hopefully that Umbitch is being carted off to Azkaban to spend time with her relatives, the Dementors!" Dean exclaimed to general cheers.

Said cheers instantly died down the moment the doors to the Great Hall opened, revealing Professor McGonagall and two of the Aurors they had seen earlier.

"Good morning everyone," McGonagall started, with a tone that dared any one of them to interrupt her. "Aurors Mullings and Phillips," she indicated a female on her left and a young male on her right. "are here as part of an investigation into alleged misconduct by a fellow member of staff against several of the students under her charge."

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at one another.

"Yesterday, they received a report in advance of the publication of this morning's edition of The Hogwarts Voice, detailing the allegations you see in it. To such an end, they are here to investigate that matter, which is the misconduct that the member of staff is accused of."

"If you know anything at all about this matter, please come forward. If you are of age, there are no issues with you speaking to the Aurors. If you are underage however, your Head of House will accompany you during questioning, representing your parent or legal guardian. You need not fret. None of you are in any trouble, I assure you," she spoke in what Harry guessed was supposed to be a soothing manner. "the Aurors would just like your co-operation."

"That is exactly right, Professor McGonagall!" Auror Mullings exclaimed. "All we want is to get to the bottom of this matter, sort things out. For you. We will not force you to co-operate if you do not wish to come forward just yet."

"However, your co-operation with us will be very much appreciated." Auror Phillips added.

"We will wait in the antechamber for those of you who wish to come forward immediately. Please, I encourage you. Come forward if you have any information that you think can help us." Auror Mullings' tone was gentle, but firm.

Harry looked at Ron and Hermione for reassurance, but he was not the only one looking to their own friends for reassurance.

All around the Great Hall, students looked to their friends- and in some cases, family members- for reassurance and once they got it, they began standing up and heading for the antechamber.

Not a single student dared to mock them (at least not openly) as they went, although several looks were exchanged amongst them when Harry Potter joined the group.

* * *

 _ **THE HOGWARTS VOICE**_

 _ **Issue 3**_

 _Greetings and salutations readers! We know that it has been a while, but we wanted to make sure that we had everything right for this one, because readers, this issue is not going to be holding back. If you think what we had to say before was explosive, you have not seen a thing yet._

 _You may have noticed that this issue is much thicker than the previous two and this is with good reason. We have catalogued all of the evidence we could for the allegations we are about to make to share them with you._

 _What allegations are these, you ask?_

 _Child abuse._

 _Yes, fellow British citizens. Child abuse is going on at Hogwarts._

 _We do not mean the unfortunate incidents involving Dementors, Basilisks and other monstrosities (those are completely different matters entirely), but we mean deliberate, premeditated actions by one of the professors that are meant to educate and protect us._

 _Who is it, you ask?_

 _It is none other than Dolores Jane Umbridge, esteemed minion of the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge._

Later that day, the third issue of The Hogwarts Voice had made its way out of Hogwarts and into the hands of enraged family members and friends of the current Hogwarts' student body.

Madam Longbottom seethed as she read.

"That horrible woman used _Blood Quills_ on children to feed her own horrible, sadistic desires?!" she stood up and went straight over to her fireplace to put in a few Floo calls to some important contacts that she knew. "I would not put it past her. She is certainly a horrible enough woman to do so!"

 _She has been using a foul instrument called a Blood Quill on the students during detentions that she gave earlier. We can confirm that she used them on several students and while we do know that she stopped for a time, we cannot confirm whether or not she has resumed the use of the instruments._

 _While we acknowledge that many of the detentions were given for transgressions that would merit them (interrupting class, being rude to a professor and so on), who gave her the right to torture students in such a manner? Isn't this a case of disproportionate retribution? These Blood Quills are meant to sign contracts that are supposed to be airtight. Infallible. The only legal form of Blood Magic that our country allows._

Mrs Weasley was angrier than she had ever been before as she read.

"That woman had better not have used those Blood Quills on my children's hands!" she snarled and for once, Mr Weasley looked as if he could be as upset as she was.

All across Wizarding Britain, people got hold of the copies of the latest Hogwarts Voice and once they saw it, they came together for once in a worthy cause: the welfare of their children.


	48. Chapter 48

"I honestly don't know why I am surprised to see you in here with us, Potter." one seventh year Hufflepuff girl noted wryly as Harry entered the antechamber.

"Yeah, you all know me. I'm always involved in any excitement going on at this school," he joked, resorting to his silly side to hide his nervousness.

After all, a high proportion of his encounters with authority figures never ended well, especially with authority figures from the government as of late...

"I really hope that something actually comes of this," a first year girl spoke quietly, from her place near to Harry, tracing her injured hand nervously. "I mean, isn't she one of Minister Fudge's most senior employees?"

"She is, but if... when this gets out to the general public, they won't let this one go," Anthony spoke as he entered the room, having heard the girl's worries. "If there's one thing in life that _most_ people are protective of, it's their family."

"I never told me mum about this, but she'll be bloody furious when she hears about this," one rather generic looking Gryffindor girl spoke up. "partly with me for not telling her... oh. Oh dear. Now I'm scared of her finding out..."

"I'd be scared for Umbridge except... nope. She brought this on herself and I knew I'd hate the bitch from the moment my unfortunate eyes first saw her!" Lee exclaimed.

 _Everyone_ in the room agreed with him.

"Well, that's all of those who wish to come forward, it seems," McGonagall entered the room with a few younger students around her, shutting the door behind her.

"Okay then!" Auror Mullings spoke loudly enough for the entire room to hear, without any voice amplification spells whatsoever. "This is what's going to happen! The lovely Professor McGonagall has volunteered her office to conduct these interviews with you lot. You will be doing them individually, by House. We discussed it with the other heads of House and it was agreed that the Gryffindors will go last, since as Deputy Headmistress, she will also have to do some damage control and dealing with some of the parents who will inevitably make their way up here to air their grievances in person."

"That, and the fact that you Gryffindors seem to have borne the brunt of Professor Umbridge's ire," Auror Phillips gazed around the room, noting that the majority of the students present had Gryffindor trim on their uniforms.

"We have arranged for a few classrooms near Professor McGonagall's office to act as temporary holding rooms, with some of the staff being present to supervise you. Don't worry. You are not in custody and neither are you in detention. It's just a standard thing for these sorts of matters, so again, you do not have to worry." he smiled reassuringly at the (mostly) nervous students.

"Alright then. Let's get started. Hufflepuffs, you are the first ones. Let's go." Auror Phillips led them out of the room.

Harry watched them go with mixed feelings.

He hoped to Merlin God or whatever deity was listening, that they didn't question him about The Hogwarts Voice or any of the pranks he'd done against Umbridge.

He wasn't necessarily afraid that they'd expel him or _try_ to arrest him.

Oh no.

Not at all.

He just wanted to save that stuff for his autobiography.

Because one day, this would make a rather hilarious chapter in his autobiography and _he_ wanted to be the one to spill the details about his fine work.

If the public was going to be clamouring to hear his side of things once Voldemort was finally out of the way, this would make a pleasant interlude between all the bouts of torture, killing and ostracization he had experienced his entire life and it would be great to control in a way what the public read about him for once.

* * *

The time seemed to fly by rather quickly, in Harry's opinion, before it was his turn to go in and speak to the Aurors.

"Hello there, Potter. How are you feeling?" Auror Phillips greeted him, smiling warmly.

"As good as I can be, considering the circumstances," Harry shrugged as he stepped through the doors of McGonagall's office.

Harry looked around the office and took in more details.

McGonagall herself was seated in an armchair in one corner of the room looking as if she was in a contest for 'Most Sour Facial Expression' with Professor Snape, Auror Mullings was seated at his Head of House's desk going through some files and muttering to herself as she made notes with an actual pen and notepad.

"Okay then!" Auror Phillips clasped his hands together and stretched, before his demeanour switched from pleasant to business like faster than Dudley running to get one of his many meals per day from Privet Drive's kitchen.

Harry shook his head to clear it.

The Dursleys were number four on his list of people to avoid thinking of necessarily.

The top three being Lord Voldemort, Dolores Umbridge and Draco Malfoy in that order, with Umbridge's inclusion shoving down the rank of the previous entries from the moment he first had a 'class' with her.

Back to current matters...

"You know what this is about, Mr Potter. Or, should we call you Harry? Which one do you prefer?" Auror Mullings asked.

"Either one is fine, no worries," Harry shrugged, indifferent.

"Alright, then," she nodded, gesturing to the seat in front of the desk. "Go on. Have a seat and let's get to talking."

"We are being recorded as of now."Auror Phillips tapped what looked like a small, black box on the desk, which glowed green briefly.

"First things first, we'd like to see your hand, please. The one that Umbridge allegedly made you mutilate." Phillips moved to stand behind the desk and next to Mullings.

Harry put his right hand on the desk.

Phillips took one look at it and scowled as he reached for a folder of photographs, pulling out one and laying it next to Harry's hand on the desk.

The marks in the photo and the marks on Harry's hand were identical, as well as the hand itself.

"Yep. She got him too," Mullings nodded grimly. "So, Harry, what can you tell us about what led up to you experiencing this?"

"A lot. I can tell you a whole lot. That woman has had it out for me for a long, long, time, even before I got here for this school year!" Harry exclaimed.

"Why do you say that?" Phillips raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you see, she was at my trial for use of underage magic last summer-" Harry noticed their expressions shift slightly at that, but they didn't comment on that and neither did he.

"-and well, she voted for me to be convicted. She even threw out a few comments during the thing that made it clear that she would be perfectly fine with me being found guilty, having my wand taken away and snapped and effectively expelling me from not only school, but from the magical world as well. I have no intention of leaving it behind to fall to Voldemort (since he's never going to leave me alone until either of us is dead, after all) and he, incidentally, is the cause of this, in a way. That... and your government's official stance on the Voldemort issue and all that..."

Harry was pleased to note that neither of the two Aurors flinched at the mention of Voldemort's name, nor did Professor McGonagall (whom he could see out of the corner of his eye), though the latter still looked rather uncomfortable at the mention.

"So she has probably had it out for you in particular even before arriving at Hogwarts this year. Interesting." Mullings started making notes with a quill and parchment this time.

"How did your detention with her occur?" she looked up, looking him directly in the eye. "What led to it?"

"Which one?" Harry retorted without flinching. "She's given me several." he side-eyed McGonagall at this, who in Harry's opinion, could have at least had the decency to look guilty.

Mullings and Phillips shared a look.

"How about we start with the first one?" she asked. "That sounds like a good place to start."

"Fine," Harry shrugged. "It was the very first class I had with the old toad- sorry, with _Professor Umbridge,_ " his tone was mocking. "when she started going on and on about some drivel or another..."

* * *

Umbridge meanwhile, wasn't doing much better with the Aurors asking her questions.

In fact, she was actually doing much worse.

"Now, we all know that it is not illegal to own Blood Quills, but why do you need so many here? How many official documents did you plan on signing while you were a Professor here at Hogwarts?" Auror Flint raised an eyebrow. "And ones that would be _especially_ binding at that?"

"As you said, Auror Flint, it is not illegal to own Blood Quills, regardless of the number." Umbridge retorted.

"Why would this _'Hogwarts Voice'_ publication accuse you of what is effectively the torture of several of the students under your care?" Auror Stein asked.

"The... the students behind it are nothing but a bunch of liars who have no respect for authority whatsoever! They would do anything to get rid of me!" Umbridge exclaimed.

"So... you are saying that all the images and words that appeared in that publication which accuse you of such acts are completely and utterly false? There is no room for misunderstanding here: there is nothing in that publication which is true?"

"Nothing whatsoever! It is a conspiracy against me and the Minister of Magic!" she exclaimed.

Fudge held up his hands and shook his head vigorously. "Don't drag me into this, Dolores! This matter is about you!"

When Umbridge shot him a venomous look, he actually sunk down into his chair a bit.

"Don't drag him into this, Madam Umbridge. This is not about him in any way whatsoever. _Yet,_ " Stein side-eyed the Minister of Magic, who grew even paler at the implication.

"The little brats deserved some punishment for their disrespect to me and to the Ministry!" Umbridge seethed.

"You are supposed to be here to _teach,_ not spread Ministry propaganda. _No_." he raised his hand to cut her off as she began to voice another objection. "All we want is to clear up this matter. If you are indeed innocent, you may take appropriate action for defamation of character. If you are _not_ innocent, on the other had... I really do hope that I do not have to spell out what sort of action will be taken against you if the evidence is contrary to your claims of innocence."

Umbridge looked as if she had swallowed a lemon.

 _"The indignity of all of this..."_ she thought. _"How dare they accuse me of this. I was merely giving the students discipline. Something that they've been clearly lacking, judging by the way this school was run before I got here to fix things!"_

She continued to sulk like a petulant child.

* * *

In the Gryffindor Common room, the students gathered there were discussing the morning's revelations, with several of their number absent due to the ongoing investigation.

"We need a backup plan, just in case the Ministry of Magic decides to sweep this under the carpet!" Angelina exclaimed.

 _"I'd like to see them try,"_ Ron glowered. "Too many of us know what's happening now and honestly we've let them get away with things like this for far too long!'

"He's right!" Ginny exclaimed. "We're the future voters, taxpayers, lawyers, teachers, Aurors, food producers and so on... _we'll_ be the ones supporting our society when they get too old, so why the bloody hell shouldn't we get a say in all of this?"

They all shouted their agreement- even Hermione, who would not have approved of such near riotous behaviour on a regular basis.

"Have any of you lot sent out letters to your parents, friends, anyone on the outside that should know about this?" she asked, standing in front of the crowd.

"Damn straight we have!" Seamus exclaimed. "Me mum and me cousin Fergus know, as well as the other magical members of the family. Dad knows too and he's threatened to come up here for her and test out if guns would beat magic if she'd ever let me even touch one of those things!"

"We won't let this go, will we?" Hermione eyed them all.

"No we won't!" they exclaimed in unison

" _Exactly._ Now, I have a few ideas for how we can support our fellow Gryffindors- our fellow students. Feel free to pitch in if you have anything to say," Hermione pulled a sheet of parchment and some ink and quills out of seemingly nowhere and rested them on a nearby table. "We can always do with some more excellent ideas and unlike what Umbridge- or even Voldemort-"

Several students shuddered.

"-wants, this country isn't a dictatorship."


	49. Chapter 49

Lord Voldemort was seated in a dimly lit room, save only for Nagini when he felt one of his Death Eaters calling out to him via their Dark Mark.

Scowling (as he had been interrupted in his scheming to _finally_ capture and murder Harry Potter), he stood up, draping Nagini around himself as if she were a shawl of some sort.

 _"This had better not be a waste of my time, Nagini, else this particular Death Eater calling for me shall be your next meal,"_ he hissed.

Nagini hissed back. _"I do not want to have any of the as my next meal, Master. Most are either too fat, too thin, or smell poorly washed. They are not appealing meals at all."_

If Voldemort was capable of rolling his eyes, he would have.

 _"You have a point, my Familiar."_ Voldemort agreed. _"Let us be on our way."_

He Disapparated and Apparated straight into the sitting room of Malfoy Manor, where Lucius was waiting for him, looking rather anxious.

"My Lord!" he immediately dropped into a bow so low, his long, blond (and overly maintained) hair brushed the floor.

"What news do you have for me, Lucius?" he spoke coolly.

"My Lord, my son has sent me a copy of the latest issue of The Hogwarts Voice and if the revelations contained within it are true, your plans... whatever they are, may need to be altered!" he offered up the publication, not daring to look his Master in the eye.

Voldemort raised the ridge that barely passed for an eyebrow and took it from Lucius, calmly seating himself in a nearby, plush green and silver armchair.

 _"Leave my sight, Lucius."_

The words were barely out of the Dark Lord's mouth when Lucius went scrambling out of the room in a most undignified manner.

Voldemort chuckled.

No matter how far up they thought they were in society, they would always be beneath him.

As he read the publication, he felt a vague sense of amusement.

So, mere students thought that they could do something about the Umbridge woman that several of his Death Eaters had told him about?

Pathetic.

Still, if they succeeded, his plans for the prophecy would have to be altered.

On the off chance that this _did_ succeed, Umbridge would be gone and so would Minister Fudge, who had recommended her for the post in the first place.

The Wizarding world here in Britain would be in an uproar.

Things would be chaotic for a while.

Perhaps... perhaps he could take advantage of that.

This did not have to derail his plans at all.

He smirked.

Let them have their fun.

They would all be dead soon anyway.

 _Especially_ that little pest, Harry Potter.

* * *

While the Umbridge investigation was going on, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Neville and Luna had holed themselves up in the Room of Requirement, although this time, they had figured out how to make the room hidden from anyone who sympathised with Umbridge (or Voldemort for that matter).

"Well, we certainly stirred up quite the fuss, didn't we?" Ginny grinned like a lunatic as she reclined in a plush armchair.

"That would be the understatement of the century, Ginny." Hermione looked pleased with everything that was happening.

 _Too_ pleased.

"Who knew you had a thing for ousting rogue teachers and potentially toppling governments, Hermione?" Luna giggled.

"What can I say?" Hermione shrugged. "Everyone needs a hobby, don't they?"

Ron raised an eyebrow at her. "This isn't a normal hobby, you know."

Hermione waved him off. "This was completely necessary. We're all here, doing the right thing. Besides, when I'm in charge there, the Ministry would not be incompetent enough for a group of malcontent teenagers to topple it!"

"That's quite the ambition. Do you really want to be the Minister of Magic one day, Hermione?" Neville asked.

"Why not? Goodness knows I could do with the challenge," Hermione admitted. "In the meantime, what are we hearing from our contacts about the reactions to the last issue of The Hogwarts Voice?"

"A lot, Hermione. We are hearing quite a lot," Ginny chuckled. "People are not pleased in the slightest. In fact, merely saying that they are not pleased is an understatement. They are thoroughly pissed off."

"As they should be," Ron nodded. "Who would be happy at the thought of their precious children getting mutilated? Can you imagine my mother when she finds out that Fred and George were among the toad's victims? Granted, they drove her up a wall in those detentions, but they still had to write with the Blood Quills anyway."

Neville shuddered. "From what I know about your mum, I think Umbridge would prefer Azkaban to being on the end of Mrs Weasley's wand..."

Luna nodded in agreement. "Yes. She is rather terrifying, isn't she? I still remember the Howler from mine and Ginny's first year when you and Harry rode the flying car here at the beginning of the year..."

Ron shuddered at the memory feeling a phantom ringing in his ears from the memory of his mother's yelling.

 _"Back to business,"_ Hermione spoke up. "It is not time for The Hogwarts Voice to be silenced just yet. We still have to continue on with this. How would you all like to follow up the last issue? We have to keep building up on the momentum we have now!"

"Maybe Harry could give us some insight on what's happening with Umbitch when he gets back from the interview." Ginny suggested.

"Within reason," Hermione reminded her. "Harry might not be allowed to say anything just yet."

* * *

Speaking of Harry Potter...

"She hates me. I know that she does," Harry said as his interview with the Aurors continued. "Even before she gave me these marks..." he gestured to his mangled hand with the unmangled one. "She pretty much admitted it to me in the very first detention that I had with the old toad!"

Auror Mullings and Auror Phillips shared a look at his rather accurate nickname for the woman that they were investigating.

"Well," Auror Phillips glanced down at his notes. "We have all that we need from you, Harry."

"So..." Harry started to fidget. "May I leave now? Before all of this happened, I was going to do some studying. I want to be an Auror, just like you lot, you see... and I know that substandard grades won't get me in."

They smiled at him.

"And a fine Auror you would make, if most of the rumours surrounding you are true," Auror Phillips chuckled.

"Go on, Harry." Auror Mullings got up and led him over to the door. "Remember. You aren't allowed to discuss this with anyone else, aside from a lawyer, should you choose to secure the services of one."

"I understand," Harry nodded. "I wouldn't want to be the one to screw up your investigation, after all."

After the door had closed behind him and he had gotten some distance away from the classroom, he started doing a little song and dance.

 _"Umbridge is going down today, Umbridge is completely, utterly and totally going down today... If she doesn't, there'll be hell to_ _ **paaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!**_ _"_ his pitch on the last note had the portraits lining the walls covering their ears and screaming in pain, but he paid them no mind.

"Umbridge is going down today!" he started skipping as he sang, all the way to the Room of Requirement.

When he opened it, it was to find that Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Luna were already in there.

"Hello, my fellow rebels," he spoke cheerfully. "How are things with you lot?"

"Well, don't you look cheerful?" Ginny noted.

"Why wouldn't I be? Umbridge isn't getting out of this one! And if she does? I swear to Merlin, _I'll find her house and burn it to the ground!_ "

He spoke the last few words quite cheerfully, despite their content.

"You seem rather confident," Ron shuddered from the creepy vibe that Harry gave with his previous statement.

"I am. Now, what are we doing now? Getting to work on the next issue of The Hogwarts Voice?" Harry headed further into the room.

"Of course!" Hermione answered. "We're not done with them yet, now are we?"

"We most certainly are not, Hermione!" Harry exclaimed. "Let's get back to work!"

* * *

"They needed to be punished!" Umbridge screeched, snapping under all of the pressure.

She had not slept properly in weeks, all the constant pranks and defiant acts every single day without fail, with some of them much more outrageous than others...

"And you decided that these 'defiant' students needed to be punished by torturing them with Blood Quills?" Auror Stein raised an eyebrow.

"That... that was not torture at all! That was discipline, I tell you! _Proper_ discipline, just like in the old days!"

"I feel inclined to inform you that the 'old days' are long gone, Madam Umbridge," Auror Flint spoke casually. "and with them, the legality of torturing people, especially children. Just as the Cruciatus Curse is illegal, so too is torture by other means."

Dumbledore looked as if he dearly wished to say something, but he refrained from doing so because he knew that it could be seen as interference in the Aurors' investigation.

Then there was the fact that that he, like most people at Hogwarts (staff members and students alike) wanted her _gone._

He certainly was not going to be the one to jeopardise that.

"What are you saying?" Auror Flint looked ready to zoom in for the kill while Minister Fudge on the other hand, looked as if he wanted to zoom _away_ and pretend that none of this was happening.

Unfortunately for him and Umbridge, it was happening.

And there was nothing whatsoever that he could do to stop it.

He could see his political career flashing in front of his very eyes...

Umbridge looked ready to cry in frustration.

Or curse someone.

"I did nothing wrong to those brats, I tell you!" she exclaimed.

"Then if you did nothing wrong, you should be completely co-operative with us, don't you think?" Auror Flint asked her.

Umbridge began muttering darkly under her breath.

"What was that you said?" Auror Stein moved closer to her.

She was muttering to herself about Potter, pranks, brats, Potter, discipline, rules, Potter, Dementors...

"What was that you said about Dementors?" Auror Stein raised an eyebrow.

Dumbledore leaned forward in his chair slightly, a darkening expression on his face, while Minister Fudge was starting to look as green as his bowler hat.

" _Stupid idiotic Dementors... couldn't even finish off the bloody boy properly... bane of my existence... Potter's been a thorn in my side since I got here... he needs to go!"_

Even though she had been muttering, everyone in the room could hear her quite clearly.

"I heard Potter... and Dementors quite clearly in that muttering. How are those two linked?" Auror Flint shared a look with Auror Stein.

Umbridge seemed to become aware of what he was saying just then and clammed up.

"What Dementors? I was saying that with the way these wayward students are behaving, they'll surely end up in Azkaban amongst the Dementors before long, perhaps before they even leave these hallowed halls!"

"It is illegal to send minors to Azkaban, Madam Umbridge. You should be quite aware of that, being so high up in the Ministry and all that. Do you not sit in on Wizengamot meetings with Minster Fudge on occasion at his request? Surely you know of the proper procedures for dealing with crimes committed by minors."

Dumbledore glanced at Fudge, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable with the current line of questioning.

"I do not care. Potter deserved to have those Dementors sent after him." Umbridge growled.

At the silence that suddenly enveloped the room, you could hear a wand drop.

Namely Fudge's, as his slid loose from his sleeve as he sunk further into his chair.

"Wait... are you admitting to sending Dementors after the Potter boy at some point?" Auror Flint looked as if Christmas had come early for him, as did Auror Stein.

Minister Fudge was doing his best to blend in with the chair, while saying that Dumbeldore looked distinctly unpleased with this development would have been an understatement.

Umbridge seemed to have realised what she said as her current expression looked like that of a person who had just realised that they were in serious trouble.


	50. Chapter 50

_My grandma died on Saturday, so forgive me if this chapter is of poorer quality than usual. It's not been an easy week at all, believe me._

 _R.I.P. Grandma. You'll be missed... :(_

* * *

"I am not admitting a thing." Umbridge actually folded her arms and pouted like a petulant child, the resulting expression making her even more toadlike than before.

"I heard you say and I quote: _"Potter deserved to have those Dementors sent after him."_ What would you have possibly meant by saying something like that?" Auror Stein asked.

"Please do not try to deny what you just said. All of us in this room heard every single word of it." Auror Flint scribbled furiously on his parchment pad with a dark blue quill glancing between it and her with almost every word that he wrote.

"I did not send Dementors after Potter!" Umbridge screeched.

"Then how do you know that the Dementors were _sent_ there, rather than simply stumbling onto the Potter boy in his neighbourhood?" Auror Stein raised an eyebrow. "Which is an odd thing in and of itself, that they happened to lock onto the only wizard in that neighbourhood. Yes, I know of it. I was not part of that case personally, but I have spoken to other Aurors who were present."

"I thought you were here to investigate the alleged abuse of the students with my Blood Quills." Umbridge spoke mulishly.

"We are, but we are also obliged to investigate anything else that you say. We did warn you about this before we got started here. Are you absolutely _certain_ that if we were to check the relevant records we would not in fact find your name in there, ordering that Dementors be dispatched to that particular area on the evening in question, with the aim of hopefully eliminating Harry Potter?"

 _"It is rather unfortunate that they did not succeed... I would have avoided a lot of trouble this year."_ Umbridge muttered, her hand twitched towards her wand but catching Auror Flint's eye as he flashed his own in warning, she drew her hand away and growled.

"Hand over your wand."Auror Stein instructed firmly, narrowing his eyes at her, having also seen that minor byplay.

"Absolutely not!" she exclaimed angrily.

"I saw you going for your wand just now. Do not play this game with me, Madam Umbridge. Hand the wand over before I disarm you by force. _Now._ " Auror Stein's voice was like stone when he held out his hand for the rather short wand that Umbridge most reluctantly handed over, muttering angrily all the while about how they would all pay.

Literally, as she was threatening to sue them for all they were worth.

Auror Flint felt around for something in the pocket of his robes and pulling it out slightly to reveal some rectangular shaped black and grey object, he stepped out of the room with it, nodding to Auror Stein as he went.

"It looks like Mullings and Phillips have something to say on their end of things. Let us hope that Flint comes back with some good news, shall we?" Auror Stein conjured a chair for himself and sat as he casually watch Umbridge pace up and down the room as if she was doing her best to wear a hole into the floor.

There were things to be said for more 'casual' suspect interviews like this. The suspects often let things slip that they really should not have because they were more relaxed in a situation like this.

Granted, Umbridge wasn't being relaxed right now, but she was still letting things slip that she would not have had they just dragged her straight into a holding cell at the Auror base within the Ministry of Magic...

Auror Flint stepped back into the room; a grim expression on his face.

He only spoke three words, which completely changed the atmosphere in the room near instantly.

 _"We have enough."_

Auror Stein nodded at him before turning to Umbridge, who had not heard Auror Flint at first- but judging by the expressions of Minister Fudge and Headmaster Dumbledore, they at least, had heard- and _understood_ the words for what they were.

Fudge was turning a shade of green that he did not know was possible and while Dumbledore would look to the untrained eye to have a completely stoic expression, he caught the brief furious look that passed through the Headmaster's eyes.

"Madam Umbridge, I'm going to have to arrest you on several counts of child abuse, corruption..."

"WHAT?" Umbridge was quickly turning red. "I didn't do anything!"

"There is much more than enough proof for the child abuse, Umbridge. Plus with what you have basically admitted to while talking to us, more charges could be headed your way. Now, will you cooperate with us and come along quietly, or shall we have to do this the hard way?" Auror Stein pulled his wand.

 _"I refuse to be arrested for something I didn't do!"_

Auror Flint moved forward to apprehend her, but then all hell broke loose.

Umbridge drew a second wand out of seemingly nowhere.

Dumbledore immediately reacted, throwing up a shield around himself and Minister Fudge, who by now, had fainted, flopping ungainly out of his seat.

Auror Stein had locked the door the moment he saw her drawing for a wand, but she blasted apart the door and darted outside, surprisingly fast for a woman with such a toad like physique.

He ran out the door after her, and before Auror Flint left, he paused to make a comment to Dumbledore: "It looks like you will be in need of a new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Dumbledore."

As Flint ran out, Dumbledore nodded in agreement. "Indeed. Normally, they at least last the full year. This is a new record. Oh well."

He turned his attention towards the passed out politician.

* * *

Umbridge was not fated to get far that day, as luck was certainly not on her side.

She did not have much sleep recently, so she was certainly not on her peak when it came to thinking clearly, which is probably why she had just done what she did, now resulting in her being chased down by two Aurors- one of whom looked rather pissed off and other who looked highly entertained- neither of which boded well for her.

She spotted Potter walking and laughing with his friends and the sight enraged her further.

"POTTER!" she bellowed, running for him.

Harry's eyes widened at the sight of her looking almost as deranged as Bellatrix Lestrange in her Azkaban photo.

Behind him, the others in his group of friends sported various expressions of shock- except for Luna who had the same not all there look on her face that she always did.

"I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE SENT MORE DEMENTORS AFTER YOU!"

She raised her wand.

Harry raised his- although he wasn't alone.

Hermione had put a shield charm up around them, but Harry stepped out of its zone and fired off a disarming spell and Stunned her in rapid succession.

She toppled to the floor, stiff as a board while her wand went flying straight into Harry's outstretched hand.

He looked disgusted as he caught it and held it with as little of his hand as he could manage.

"If she is truly as foul as she speaks and acts, then this wand might have done some rather horrible things..." he said.

It was then that he took in Umbridge's appearance and realised that his spells were not the only ones that had hit her.

Bat Bogeys were coming out of her nose, soap bubbles were coming out of her mouth, her hair had grown longer and was somehow in the process of tying her up and spores of pollen were floating around her head.

Harry looked back at his friends.

They looked back at him.

"I did the pollen," Neville broke the silence after a few beats. "It was supposed to make her sneeze like crazy. Normally that sort of spell is used in Herbology, but I remembered your... _lesson_ in how to use spells in _unexpected_ ways." he smiled sheepishly.

"You learned well, my friend," Harry smiled back. "Who did the thing with the hair?"

"That was me," Luna looked extremely pleased with herself. "It was a spell I was working on in my free time. This is the first time I cast it on an actual target."

Harry looked impressed and was about to say something else when another voice spoke up.

"Well, it looks like Umbridge didn't manage to get too far, thanks to Potter and his friends here..." Aurors Stein and Flint took in the sight.

"She wouldn't have anyway," Auror Flint commented. "With those legs, she wouldn't have gotten far. She didn't even manage to get to another floor!"

"We heard her screaming about sending the Dementors after you, Potter." Auror Stein spoke as he worked on undoing most of the spells on Umbridge- leaving the stunning spell in place and levitating her.

Harry handed over her wand to Auror Flint when he asked.

"I daresay you lot will have quite a lot to say about this latest adventure, won't you?" Auror Flint grinned.

"Say..." Harry started. "You wouldn't happen to be related to Marcus Flint, would you? You look like him a bit..."

"Yep," Auror Flint grinned. "I'm Alexander Flint. Marcus is my younger cousin."

"Enough with the charming introductions, Flint." Stein started moving off. "I've asked Mullings and Phillips to meet us by the castle's main entryway later. In the meantime..." he turned to the teenagers. "You should head up to Professor McGonagall's office. They will be there and are going to take your details and make contact with you later. You are all witnesses, after all."

Harry grimaced. "The last time I entered a courtroom, it did not exactly go well..."

"Well, this time it will go better, Potter," Auror Flint assured him. "There is far too much evidence out there for this to go away easily."

With that, he turned to leave.

"Well," Ron spoke up after a little while. "For being related to Marcus Flint, he doesn't seem like such a bad bloke..."

Harry shrugged, indifferent. "I guess. Anyway, shall we meet up back in the _press room_ after dinner? We did just get some prime material for an issue, after all..."

"That we did, Harry..." Hermione stared after the two Aurors as they left with Umbridge in tow. "That we did..."

* * *

At dinner, the word had spread about Umbridge's arrest.

Being Hogwarts, that was to be expected.

Nearly every single person in the Great Hall was talking about it and those that weren't were either listening to those that were talking about it or else reading about it in the special evening edition of the Daily Prophet.

There were also some students that had been out and about in the corridors as Umbridge had been removed from the castle in disgrace and all were telling their accounts of what they had seen and heard.

"I heard she escaped from her office and tried to run away from the Aurors!" Dennis exclaimed.

"Well, I could have sworn I heard the sounds of a big duel going on somewhere in the castle... It had to be her trying to get away!" Colin exclaimed.

"Didn't get too far though, now did she?" Ginny snickered. "She deserves all that's coming to her and _so much more!_ "

Harry was seated some distance away happily eating mashed potatoes, roast beef and vegetables with Ron and Hermione seated on either side of him.

"Must you eat like that?" Hermione asked in disgust, as Harry ate his food like a starving madman.

"Yes." Harry answered with his mouth full of potatoes, making Hermione scowl and move a bit away from him.

Harry looked at the copy of the Daily Prophet propped up in front of him on an empty tureen and grinned at the side by side photos of Auror Stein and company giving a press conference in the Ministry of Magic's press room and a picture of Umbridge in her 'better' days.'

Harry grinned.

Mission accomplished.

Now, he had bigger fish to fry...


	51. Chapter 51

_Thank you so much for the condolence messages, dear readers. They are much appreciated._

 _On a story related note, I can see this story coming to an end within the next chapter or two. Not long now until the end of Trolling the Toad..._

* * *

Harry was having the time of his life stirring up the Hogwarts rumour mill especially now that he (and his friends of course) had _finally_ gotten Umbridge out of the castle.

While Neville, Hermione, Ron and Ginny preferred to attend to other matters (though they too played his game occasionally), Harry was discovering just how fun and creative Luna could be when sufficiently motivated.

Why hadn't he become friends with her sooner?

"Oh yes! I saw her running down a corridor with the suits of armour chasing her!" Luna was "recanting" the account of Umbridge's capture to a small crowd of first years, who looked to be in awe of her tale and kept glancing back at him, as he was standing some distance behind Luna. "Quite the entertaining sight indeed!"

After Luna had walked over to him and they continued onto their destination, Harry grinned.

"I never knew you had such talent in storytelling," he commented.

"Oh yes! I love stories!" Luna said. "I have so many stories to tell, but no one usually wants to hear them..."

"Well, I do!" Harry put an arm around her shoulder. "I like stories too! Funny ones, usually, though I don't mind the occasional adventure one..."

"Have you ever heard of _'The Tales of Beedle the Bard'_ then?" Luna asked. "I know that you grew up with Muggles and all that, so I am not sure if you have heard them. They are Wizarding tales that every child is told growing up!"

"The Dursleys didn't even tell me Muggle children's stories, far less Wizarding ones..." Harry scowled briefly. "So go right ahead!"

* * *

"I figured we might as well have a party to celebrate achieving our main objective while we are all up here working on the next issue," Harry explained as he and Luna emptied bags and bags of snacks and drinks in the Room of Requirement, to general astonishment from Ron, Neville, Ginny and Hermione.

"Well, I won't complain," Ron shrugged, taking a packet of gummy bears from the table and inspecting them. "What are these anyway?"

"Gummy bears. They're a type of Muggle candy," Harry explained. "There's this place in Diagon Alley that does food imports from all around the world- both Magical and Muggle. Hermione knows about them too. I heard a Muggle raised member of the DA telling her friend about them once and I... _politely interrupted_ to get the details."

Hermione rolled her eyes as Harry tossed her a packet of sugar free cookies.

"I got Dobby to help me with the Wizarding foods. Hey, now that Umbridge is gone we should have a celebratory party with the DA! I could spread the word and everyone could bring their own snacks, games, entertainment and so on and make it a big thing!" Harry exclaimed.

"Just make sure to check Seamus at the door," Ron snorted. "He might try to sneak some rum in..."

Hermione eyed the boys oddly as they all snickered at what appeared to be some sort of inside joke.

"What's the joke?" she asked. "I hope you're not believers in a certain Irish stereotype..."

"Believe me," Harry spoke between snickers. "If you were one of us blokes, you would know why we're laughing. "Anyway..."

He spread out the food on a table that had appeared nearby. "Food and drinks are available whenever you have need of them here," he patted the table. "But let's get down to the important task at hand here. Party afterwards!"

"That is the most sensible thing I have heard you say all day." Hermione sighed.

"Yeah. You and Ron weren't there this morning when he, Fred and George got into a pun-off in the Common Room..." Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Oh? Who won?" Hermione asked, looking as if she was glad she was not there to have experienced it firsthand.

"They declared it a tie," Ginny shrugged. "Just be glad you weren't there. They were positively awful!"

"Let's not pummel my pun-tastic puns, please," Harry actually looked disgruntled. "I only recently discovered the pervasive pleasures of punning and I'd rather not have you ruining that for me."

Neville rolled his eyes. "Since when can any of us stop you from enjoying and doing whatever you want to?"

Harry only answered by grabbing a large chocolate biscuit off the table and sitting in a huff to work on his part of the next issue of The Hogwarts Voice.

* * *

Umbridge was having the worst time of her life.

Here she was, completely fallen from grace, sitting in a holding cell, wearing the most drab of prisoners' robes and the Aurors passing by did not even have the decency to address her properly.

"Don't worry, Umbridge," one passing Auror sneered at her. "You will soon get your day in court."

"Imagine that," another commented as he joined him. "The very person that Minister Fudge picked to help make Hogwarts better for the students... only made it worse..."

"He won't be the Minister of Magic for long, thanks to all of the little secrets that are coming out bit by bit..."

"I wonder who will replace him..."

"Certainly not Madam Umbridge here for sure..."

The two walked off, snickering.

How dare they! They were supposed to be upstanding, respectable members of society! Just like she was!

The Wizarding public didn't seem to agree with her assessment of the situation, though, judging by the newspapers that the Auror guard had so kindly provided her with every day- after they all had read them of course.

Apparently, she didn't even deserve a fresh, new copy of The Daily Prophet while here...

In a corner of the cell, issues from the past few days lay stacked, each of them with headlines and stories lambasting her, Minister Fudge and a whole host of other people, whom they had been heavily praising up to the week before.

 _Potter..._

She growled.

That _blasted_ Harry Potter _had_ to be behind all of this!

Who _else_ could have _possibly_ hated her enough to do something this horrid to her?

Plus he _had_ been responsible for all of those pranks she went through back at Hogwarts. She knew it! He was trying to drive her insane for his own twisted entertainment!

Harry Potter was _insane!_

"Hello there, Madam Umbridge," a female Auror with garish pink hair greeted her cheerfully. "You've already gotten today's Daily Prophet,, but a certain new publication published something new today too!" she exclaimed. "Thought you'd like to have a look!"

She pushed it through the bars and walked away, giggling quietly to herself.

The nerve of her.

Who did they let into the Auror Corps these days? _Just anyone?_

Wait a minute.

Certain publication?

 _Oh no._

 _No, no, no..._

Hesitantly, she picked it up and began to read.

 _ **THE HOGWARTS VOICE**_

 _ **Issue 4**_

 _Hello to you, our loyal readers!_

 _We have managed to inform you of so much in three issues alone, that we have managed to cause quite a few changes in such a short period of time._

 _We have pointed out questions without answers, answers that weren't entirely answers (and in some cases were outright lies) and even managed to bring to light the problem that the Ministry of Magic caused in our beloved school recently._

 _Amazing work, isn't it?_

 _All of it is thanks to our small team of writers and editors._

 _However, this is not about us. We did not do it just for fun._

 _We did it for our fellow students._

 _Dolores Jane Umbridge was a menace to all of us, whether we are Gryffindors, Slytherins, Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws._

 _She is (or rather, was, as we are glad to say)the only problem at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but she certainly was the most pressing one._

 _Rest assured, we shall be tackling those later._

 _We are far from finished!_

 _To the matter of Umbridge, she was arrested at our beloved school a few days ago, as all of you should know by now. Clearly the evidence that we submitted to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was enough for them to act upon, which we are most certainly most grateful for. Thank you for believing us and doing your job, DMLE!_

 _We have also managed to confirm that upon learning that she would in fact, be arrested for her crimes instead of being able to brush it off and continue as normal, she tried escaping and evading capture, but stopped along the way to attack a group of students, who promptly managed to render her harmless, just in time for the Aurors to catch up to her._

 _We managed to track down those students and all have promised to give us an interview on the incident as soon as they are cleared to by their lawyers._

 _We all eagerly await their story._

 _In the meantime however, we have managed to go around the school, finding out from staff and students alike their opinions of the latest situation and needless to say, they all had very interesting things to say._

Umbridge crumpled it in her hands, beyond furious at this point.

 _"Slander. Lies. All of it- this is lies! Aspersions on my character!"_ she exclaimed.

The few Aurors present ignored her rantings and ravings.

* * *

 _"You have done so well, my dear Godson,"_ Sirius wiped away a tear of joy as he and Harry spoke in their communication mirrors that night. _"You make me so proud of you!"_

"Thanks, Sirius," Harry grinned. "To think, that all of this started off as a prank and then ended up like this. At least I no longer have to worry about Umbridge."

"You have others to worry about though," Sirius reminded him.

"Rest assured, Sirius. I have not forgotten about Voldemort at all. How could I?" Harry shrugged. "I'm doing all I can to prepare for the inevitable of course, but what's life if I can't have a little bit of fun along the way?"

"Truer words have never been spoken Harry." Sirius nodded. "Speaking of preparing for him, I have a few books here that might be useful for you. There are some pretty interesting things in there..."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I thought that you had gotten rid of all of the dark magic books..."

"Nope. Some of them with actual curses on them I did. Others... they're safely hidden away. Even if you never use the curses and hexes in them, the counterspells to them are also in there and they would certainly be useful for you to know since my _darling_ cousin Bellatrix _also_ had access to these books at some point in her life." Sirius scowled.

Harry scowled as well.

"Well then," he took a moment to calm himself down from the terrifying thought of Bellatrix cursing anyone."I think I should get some sleep. Classes have been disrupted in the past few days because of Umbridge's arrest and they're finally supposed to get back to normal, so I want to be ready. Besides, I hear that Dumbledore's managed to get a decent replacement for the rest of the year, this time."

"Oh he has, Harry." Sirius grinned a mischievous grin. "He has..."

Harry narrowed his eyes. " _Sirius..._ what do you know about this new professor?"

"All I will say is that you have already met. Goodbye!" Sirius laughed as he ended the connection.

"I swear to Merlin, I will get him back for this. I swear!" he exclaimed.

"You all don't have to bother with all of this professor nonsense," Tonks stood at the front of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with a grin. "I'm just here to fill in for the rest of the year and hopefully save you lot from failing your OWLs!"

Harry wanted to jinx Sirius.

Tonks made for an excellent educator to young people (and was _certainly_ much better than Umbridge), but _still._

Tonks had so much energy, he felt like he needed a warning before having to deal with her.

He sighed.

Well, at least he was learning something for a change...


	52. Chapter 52

Sorry about any weird formatting. Doing this on mobile and if I don't do it now, I won't get the chance to any time soon, as this is the weekend of my grandma's funeral and the decent of the extended family...

* * *

Today was a good day.

No.

Today was a _great_ day.

A _fantastic_ day.

A day for celebration.

Today was the day that Dolores Jane Umbridge was supposed to wrap up the trial for her crimes.

Harry grinned at his reflection in the mirror as he got ready to go to the trial.

What a refreshing position to be in: her on trial and him getting to watch her trial instead of it being the other way around.

Harry truly hoped that he would get a front row seat to the action.

What also made the whole thing sweeter was that Minister Fudge (how he was still Minister after all of this blew out of the water was beyond him) wouldn't be able to help her much, if at all.

He'd lost much of his clout because of his endorsement of Umbridge and the allegations that came out against her, which also in turn led to more than just the media digging into his past interactions and dealings...

If Cornelius Fudge thought that he was in trouble now, just _wait_ until Voldemort revealed himself.

That would be _just_ enough to push him off of the proverbial cliff.

Not to mention that if he went, the Ministry might get a good shakedown...

Who knew that potentially toppling governments could be so much fun?

He cackled at the very thought.

Now if only a certain evil wizard would make his (usually) annual (since he started attending Hogwarts) attempt at killing him soon so he could expose him in dramatic fashion kill two birds with one stone and just be done with it...

If he managed to survive that confrontation, he would be the first one out of the gate shouting: "I TOLD YOU ARSES SO, BUT DID YOU BELIEVE ME? NO!" at them all, taking in the _glorious_ feeling of them realising that he had been right about Voldemort's return the _entire bloody time..._

He shook his head to clear it.

He'd rather much prefer to deal with one evil conniving being at a time, thank you very much.

Voldemort's turn was coming for sure.

But today... today was reserved for Umbridge.

He would truly enjoy seeing her get what was coming to her.

* * *

Today was a bad day.

No.

Today was a _terrible_ day.

Today was the day that she, Dolores Jane Umbridge was to finish her trial for "offences" that did not merit all of this!

After all, she had done nothing wrong to deserve all of this harassment!

She scowled at the very idea.

She had just been doing her job, after all!

They had continued letting her have copies of The Daily Prophet and she was well aware of how much the public seemed to hate her guts now.

Judging by the vitriol that the once esteemed publication had allowed to be published in that space they had always allowed for readers to send in their letters to be published, the Wizarding public was _demanding_ her head.

Figuratively and in some cases... literally.

She was just doing her job.

Committed to improving the standards of education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which had fallen so sharply since she herself had been in attendance, thanks to Dumbledore's continued hold on the school!

She had been teaching the subject she had been assigned to teach _properly,_ sought to bring the school back into the glory it once had and look what they had done to her for it!

All because a bunch of brats disagreed with her methods!

Potter.

It _had_ to have been him.

She _was_ sure of it.

She regretted making the mistake of ever underestimating him.

If the bloody Dementors had done their job properly in the first place, she wouldn't be here suffering in this hellhole!

He'd had it out for her since the day they first met!

She had had it out for him _before_ they even met, but that small fact never crossed her mind at all.

Instead of being grateful that he had somehow managed to escape the punishment he had truly deserved (even worse, he had done it multiple times), he had decided to make her life at Hogwarts a true, living hell.

She knew it was him behind all of those pranks.

With some of them... he also had to have had help with them in order to pull them off, so he had obviously drawn others into his petty scheme for revenge.

Why did no one else see him for what he was?

Or at least, still see him for what he was?

At the beginning of the year, they saw his true colours, but now... they seemed to have forgotten all about it in favour of thinking that _she_ was the lunatic!

All of her hard work. Gone to waste.

Because of _him._

* * *

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Luna and several other Hogwarts students who had been allowed to attend Umbridge's trial as witnesses milled about in the special area of the Ministry reserved just for them on this particular special occasion.

He and a few of the other students had hired lawyers to help present their case and one of them in particular, a man named Nathaniel Lawrence, had assured him that this case was a done deal.

"We've got her on this, don't you worry." he was practically grinning as he met with them earlier. "We have enough evidence to convict. Plus with all of the attention that this particular case has gotten in the media, there is no bloody way this could get swept under the carpet! I haven't been so glad to prosecute a case in _years!_ Not since the Death Eater trials..."

"You think we could include a quote from that Lawrence bloke in the next you know what?" Ron whispered as they gathered in a corner of the room, away from the others.

"I suppose," Harry shrugged. "It doesn't seem as if that would be an issue once all of this is over. Just hang on a bit and let's check out some other things before we do, shall we?"

They nodded in agreement.

"Hey Harry. You ready to see her go down?" Lee asked, as he approached them, Fred and George close behind him.

"You bloody well bet I am!" Harry exclaimed.

"Just remember that we have to be on our best behaviour in that courtroom. If you get rowdy in there, they won't hesitate to kick you out!" Hermione reminded them, eyeing Fred and George in particular.

"Contrary to popular belief, we do have enough common sense to know that, Hermione." George rolled his eyes.

"Do you really think that we'd do anything that might jeopardise her going down for good?" Fred asked. "Hell, we would not want to jeopardise seeing this for ourselves!"

"As long as you're aware of that." Ginny shot them a warning glare.

At that point, a court worker entered the room and announced that they could all make their way into the courtroom.

Ron, Harry and Ginny grinned at one another like lunatics while Hermione, Neville and Luna, although they were not grinning like lunatics, nevertheless looked quite pleased.

* * *

Harry and his group of friends managed to secure seats in the front most row of where the spectators were allowed to sit.

They also saw other students as well as their family members and friends, mingling with the press, some of whom were quite eager for their opinions on the trial.

Harry saw Madam Longbottom talking to someone he vaguely recognised as working for the Wizarding Wireless Network, after having met them himself several days before.

He nudged Neville, who was seated next to him and inclined his head towards her.

Neville shrugged.

"She's a strong, opinionated woman. She'd never let the chance to tell people how wrong they were about Umbridge slide."

"Strong, _opinionated?_ " Harry raised an eyebrow. "More like _bloody terrifying._ "

"I love her, but that's true," Neville shrugged.

Colin waved to him from a few seats above and Harry waved back.

Judging by the way that Colin's face brightened, it looked as if the simple act of Harry waving back at him had made his day.

Which, Harry realised, it probably did.

Several minutes later and the court was called to order.

A few minutes after that and Umbridge was brought in.

Harry quite enjoyed not being the centre of attention in the courtroom for once.

Watching them all bring the evidence forward and present in such a way that it couldn't be refuted.

It was so much more efficient than his own farce of a trial had been...

They showed pictures, actually allowed witnesses to speak (and the few times that Umbridge _did_ dare to attempt to interrupt, she was _literally_ Silenced) and everything went smoothly.

Occasionally, he would have a whispered conversation with his neighbours (even those outside of his friend circle) about how it was going and all of them seemed quite pleased to be there and pleased with what was going on.

They even used excerpts from various issues of The Hogwarts Voice as part of the case.

* * *

 _"we mean deliberate, premeditated actions by one of the professors that are meant to educate and protect us._

 _Who is it, you ask?_

 _It is none other than Dolores Jane Umbridge, esteemed minion of the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge._

 _She has been using a foul instrument called a Blood Quill on the students during detentions that she gave earlier. We can confirm that she used them on several students and while we do know that she stopped for a time, we cannot confirm whether or not she has resumed the use of the instruments._

 _While we acknowledge that many of the detentions were given for transgressions that would merit them (interrupting class, being rude to a professor and so on), who gave her the right to torture students in such a manner? Isn't this a case of disproportionate retribution? These Blood Quills are meant to sign contracts that are supposed to be airtight. Infallible. The only legal form of Blood Magic that our country allows._

 _Instead, Professor Umbridge uses them to force her unfortunate students to write with their own blood and offers no medical attention to them whatsoever, leaving them to try and heal the injuries on their own if they were too afraid or indeed too proud to seek help from our resident Matron."_

* * *

 _"We have pointed out questions without answers, answers that weren't entirely answers (and in some cases were outright lies) and even managed to bring to light the problem that the Ministry of Magic caused in our beloved school recently._

 _Amazing work, isn't it?_

 _All of it is thanks to our small team of writers and editors._

 _However, this is not about us. We did not do it just for fun._

 _We did it for our fellow students._

 _Dolores Jane Umbridge was a menace to all of us, whether we are Gryffindors, Slytherins, Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws._

 _She is (or rather, was, as we are glad to say)the only problem at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but she certainly was the most pressing one._

 _Rest assured, we shall be tackling those later._

 _We are far from finished!_

 _To the matter of Umbridge, she was arrested at our beloved school a few days ago, as all of you should know by now. Clearly the evidence that we submitted to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was enough for them to act upon, which we are most certainly most grateful for. Thank you for believing us and doing your job, DMLE!_

 _We have also managed to confirm that upon learning that she would in fact, be arrested for her crimes instead of being able to brush it off and continue as normal, she tried escaping and evading capture, but stopped along the way to attack a group of students, who promptly managed to render her harmless, just in time for the Aurors to catch up to her._

 _We managed to track down those students and all have promised to give us an interview on the incident as soon as they are cleared to by their lawyers._

 _We all eagerly await their story._

 _In the meantime however, we have managed to go around the school, finding out from staff and students alike their opinions of the latest situation and needless to say, they all had very interesting things to say."_

* * *

Harry felt particularly pleased when they used those excerpts.

Soon enough, the moment of truth arrived.


	53. Chapter 53

**_This is the end._**

 _It's been a year and a week since I posted the first chapter of this and it certainly was an interesting ride. Hope you enjoy this final chapter._

* * *

 _"Guilty."_

That was currently Harry's favourite word and the outraged screeches that accompanied it from Umbridge were music to his ears.

He turned to high five Dean, who was seated behind them, the two boys grinning broadly at one another as they did.

"Victory!" Ron cheered as Ginny laughed- and indeed, that was the reaction of most of the students present in the courtroom (and some of the adults as well).

Luna looked immensely pleased as well as she continued to take copious notes (just as she had during the entire trial), wanting to have the full story for both The Quibbler and The Hogwarts Voice.

"This is an outrage!" Umbridge shrieked. "They set me up! They had it out for me!"

Madam Bones, who had presided over the entire thing, simply raised an eyebrow at her as she motioned for Kingsley, one of the Aurors standing near Umbridge as part of her guard (whether to protect the public from her or her from the public was a matter of opinion) to Silence the objecting witch.

She was just getting into a rant about Harry personally, when she was cut off in the middle of it and stood there sort of silently screaming until she realised what had happened, instead, settling for glaring around at everyone present.

When her gaze met Harry's, it became particularly vicious and Harry's particularly cheerful smile and jaunty wave only served to infuriate her even more, something which Harry took great delight in.

 _"I win,"_ he mouthed at her and judging by the look on her face and the motions of her mouth, she would have done a whole lot worse to him than use Blood Quills if she could have just then.

"I wonder what Fudge will do now," Neville nudged Harry and inclined his head towards the (barely) Minister of Magic, who was seated where the other government officials were and looking as if he dearly wished to be anywhere but there at the moment.

Harry couldn't blame him for feeling that way, even though he had not even the slightest inkling of sympathy for the soon to be former Minister of Magic.

On Madam Bones' order, the Aurors moved to secure order in the courtroom once again and soon enough, they were all quiet as the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement gave her pre sentencing speech.

"You were given a task from the Ministry of Magic to inspect Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, an institution which is near and dear to the hearts of the British magical public. Your mission was to take note of any substandard teaching or subject matter, while yourself teaching the subject assigned to you: Defence Against the Dark Arts." she adjusted her monocle slightly as she gazed down at the toad-like woman, who looked back up at her defiantly.

"Instead, not only did you fail on both of those counts, but you also took it upon yourself to 'discipline' the students under your care as you saw fit. Unfortunately for the children- our sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, godchildren- the way that you saw fit went far beyond the norms of our society. Torture- whether via the Curciatus Curse, other spells or other means was outlawed a long time ago for good reason. To use torture on children makes the matter even worse, Dolores Jane Umbridge."

As Madam Bones spoke (also including the charges of misusing the Dementors against him in the previous summer, among other things), Harry noticed Umbridge glance over at Minister Fudge, but he looked away from her, obviously wanting nothing whatsoever to do with the soon-to-be convict.

Umbridge scowled.

"As such, and according to the laws of our nation, you are hereby sentenced to life imprisonment-"

A cheer rose up from most of the people in the courtroom at those words.

In fact a few people, had actually gotten up to move around and cheer.

Harry noticed Seamus and Dean actually doing a victory dance in the seats behind them, while some people actually cried tears of joy.

Harry simply reclined a bit in his seat, looking completely unsympathetic to Umbridge's plight, as did many others around him.

Hermione in particular looked immensely satisfied with Umbridge's fate.

Harry glanced at Hermione's face again.

He shuddered.

Perhaps his female best friend looked a bit _too_ pleased.

He looked back at Umbridge.

Yeah, nah.

There was no such thing as being too pleased at the idea of Dolores "The Toad" Umbridge going to Azkaban.

Not in the slightest.

Harry chuckled at the thought of Umbridge spending some quality time with the Dementors which she had tried to use on him.

She tried to kill him with them (well, technically, not kill, but have his soul stolen) and he only saw it as fitting that she get to spend an extended period of time with them in exchange.

As Umbridge was carted off by several Aurors (Kingsley amongst them), he stood up to high-five Ron.

Until the blistering sear of pain ran through his scar, forcing him back into his seat.

* * *

"Harry, _Harry,_ are you okay? Wake up!"

Harry opened his eyes blearily to the sight of Ron and Hermione hovering over him, the latter doing her very best to slap him awake.

"Ouch, Hermione, that hurt," he whined.

He blinked as his vision came into focus. His friends had apparently moved around him so that no one could see his collapse- not that anyone really noticed, as they were still caught up in post trial chatter.

"What happened to you?" Ron asked. "Was it your scar?"

Harry nodded. "Voldemort's up to his old tricks again. I've been trying to practice Occlumency against him all year on my own since the debacle with Snape and it's worked for the most part but that... ouch."

"What was it? Was he trying to possess you?" Ginny looked especially terrified.

Harry shook his head. "No. It was a vision... of Sirius... captured by him here in the Ministry. I know it can't be real. I just talked to him before we headed out here and he promised he wouldn't do anything rash... Excuse me. I have a way of checking on him."

Harry darted up out of his seat and out of the courtroom, deftly avoiding the dozens of people who spotted him and wanted to talk to (or in the case of the media, interview) him.

Glancing back briefly, he found that Ron was running behind him.

He found the antechamber they had been in before, locked it behind him as soon as Ron had made it in and immediately pulled the mirror Sirius had given him from his pocket.

Calling out frantically for his godfather, Harry nearly had a heart attack when he did not answer at first.

When Sirius finally answered, Harry sunk into a chair in relief.

"Thank goodness you're not actually here," Harry sighed. "That would not have ended well."

 _"Why would I have been there?"_ Sirius raised an eyebrow.

Harry explained what had just happened.

 _"Wow. He must be really confident if he would do that with so much attention in the Ministry today... Or perhaps he was hoping that all attention would be diverted to Umbridge's trial and he would be able to get what he wanted there."_

"What is that place anyway?" Harry asked. "What would he want that's in there, anyway?"

Sirius sighed. _"Dumbledore be damned, I will tell you everything myself if he doesn't by the end of this. Don't worry about me, though. I'll stay here, safe and sound and I'd advise you and your friends to get out of there, just in case things get particularly nasty."_

Harry nodded as he ended the mirror call. "I just watched one nasty person get taken down today. I am not in the mood for this right now."

Ron chortled. "Are you ever ready to face him?"

Harry shook his head. "You're right, Ron. I never am. Anyway, let's let somebody else handle the Voldemort problem this year for a change, shall we?"

He patted Ron on the back and turned to unlock the door.

* * *

When they made their way to the Atrium (where Ron had told Harry they would meet), it was to see Neville and Hermione looking frantic, while Ginny and Luna appeared outwardly calm.

"Did you manage to tell Dumbledore?" Ron asked Hermione.

"We did," Hermione nodded. "He told us to let him handle it and to get out of here as quickly as we could- dragging Harry out with us if we had to." she shot Harry a glance and he pouted.

"Well, that's nice of him," Harry huffed.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Let's just go. The public Floos are working fine for now, so let's just go through them before _he_ does something to mess them up!" Neville looked around nervously, as if expecting Voldemort to pop out of nowhere at any moment.

"Right, right," Harry nodded. "Let's get out of here. I'm sure there's a victory party awaiting us."

They all headed straight for the Floos, waiting for their turn to go through, never stopping to acknowledge anyone calling out to them, media or otherwise.

* * *

Harry awoke the next morning in his bed after the best party he had ever been to.

The DA had called an impromptu party after the news of Umbridge's imprisonment and the numbers of those present were larger than usual, as some members had invited a few non-members they trusted to join the celebration.

Fred, George, Seamus and a few others had sourced the refreshments and entertainment and that, combined with natural teenage exuberance and hormones had combined to make a good time.

Although, perhaps he had had too much Firewhiskey, judging by the raging, pounding headache he had.

He should have never tried to out drink Fred and George.

At least, he had won the eating contest between himself and Ron...

 _Barely._

He groaned as he fumbled for his glasses and struggled to get up and get ready for the day.

Making his way down to breakfast, he noticed a few others who looked as bad as he felt, but had still managed to make it down for breakfast nevertheless.

Flopping into his seat, he upended a platter of bacon onto his plate, then topped it off with another platter of scrambled eggs and began eating as if he expected Voldemort to pop up and steal his food at any moment.

Hermione, who had come down shortly after him gagged.

"Must you eat like that?" she scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"Yes," Harry said simply.

As time passed, more students and the staff filled the Great Hall, most of them chatting about what had occurred the day before, with Dumbledore being notably absent and Tonks appearing later than she usually did, at about the same time the morning's mail began to arrive.

Harry took one look at the headline of Hermione's copy of The Daily Prophet and cackled like a madman.

Snatching it away from his friend, he stood on top of the bench and waved the newspaper around, ignoring Hermione's objections and the odd looks he was getting from everyone else.

 _ **VOLDEMORT RETURNS**_

 _ **Potter and Dumbledore Right This Entire Time**_

 _ **What Else Has The Ministry Hidden From Us?**_

"I TOLD YOU ALL SO!" he shouted, even through the Sonorous charm he had cast on himself.

"YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME AND MADE ME OUT TO BE A LUNATIC, BUT I WAS RIGHT THIS ENTIRE TIME, YOU BASTARDS!" he waved the paper around, gesturing to the headlines.

"Potter! Get off the bench and start behaving this instant!" McGonagall reprimanded him. "Twenty points from Gryffindor!"

Harry didn't care though.

He looked back up at the Staff Table and while Tonks was the only one that showed obvious amusement at his antics, none of the other staff members looked peeved at him.

Except Snape.

But Snape was another matter entirely.

And as such, Snape did not matter.

The Daily Prophet's story told the tale of a ferocious battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries, with Aurors fighting the Death Eaters he had brought along with him, which included some of the Azkaban escapees as well as Lucius Malfoy, who had been captured.

Harry glanced at the Slytherin table and judging by the look on Draco's face, he knew about his father's fate as well.

He burst out of the hall, with the newspaper still in his hand and Hermione chasing him to get it back, with Ron electing to stay out of the madness and continuing to eat his rather large breakfast.

* * *

Hermione continued to shoot him dirty looks as he, her, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Luna worked together on the next issue of The Hogwarts Voice later that day.

"Fudge will be gone for sure after this!" Harry rubbed his hands together and cackled with glee.

"Good riddance to him too," Ginny scoffed, not looking up from what she was working on.

"Now I know how Hermione feels when we realise that she was right all along about something or another!" Harry chortled, ignoring the savage poke Hermione gave him.

"Harry, this isn't something to joke about!" she exclaimed. "You do realise that now that he's moved out into the open, it will be open warfare now, right? People will _die!_ "

"I know that, Hermione," Harry turned to her. "I haven't forgotten the threat he poses. I know it's either him or me in the end. But I'll be damned if I let him ruin everything in my life."

"Hear, hear!" Ron and Ginny cheered.

Hermione sighed.

"Let's just get back to work on this, shall we? _Honestly..._ "

* * *

Dolores Jane Umbridge sat in her prison robes in her prison cell at Azkaban, looking more miserable than anyone had ever seen her.

Which was an accomplishment in and of itself.

How had she come down to this?

From being a top official in the Ministry of Magic, to being an inmate alongside these... _scum_ in Azkaban?

Potter.

She growled.

Potter was behind all of this.

 _She knew it._

From the moment they had met, that... _he..._ had had it out for her.

Then she'd seen people like Lucius Malfoy being led past her cell and later learnt from an old newspaper than an Auror had tossed in at her that You-Know-Who was indeed back, walking, talking and killing once again, Fudge had been ousted and replaced...

She seethed.

All of this was Potter's fault.

She glanced at an old paper in the corner of her cell with Potter's picture on it and suddenly filled with rage, grabbed it and tore it to shreds, growling the entire time.

"I'll get him," she vowed. "Since You-Know-Who is indeed back, surely he'll come to break more of his people out of Azkaban again. Perhaps I can join him then. All I'd have to do is wait. And when I'm out... _I'll_ be the one to serve him up on a platter!"

* * *

 _Dream on Umbridge, dream on._

* * *

 ** _Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end._**

 _1) No, there will be no sequel._

 _2) Yes, I may write more fics where Harry messes with Umbridge in the future. In fact, an idea is already forming for a one shot that would be completely separate to this story._

 _3) I plan on having Wand Among Wings (a Winx Club crossover and sequel to Specialist Potter, a previous Winx crossover) as my next main updating fic. Scarlet Fox (my Miraculous Ladybug crossover) will return soon as well. Watch out for those!_

 ** _Thanks for joining me on this ride!_**


End file.
